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Tuesday, Jul 21, 2009 10:19 AM UTC2009-07-21T10:19:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Hey, hey, Paula! Consider this a divorce

"American Idol" should lose Abdul once and for all

Paula Abdul, a judge on "American Idol," poses backstage following the show's finale in Los Angeles, Wednesday, May 20, 2009.

Paula Abdul, a judge on "American Idol," poses backstage following the show's finale in Los Angeles, Wednesday, May 20, 2009.

Having watched “American Idol” since its first season, I am not appalled over the news that Paula Abdul might not be invited back to the show this fall.

In fact, I would love for Paula Abdul to leave the show. I would love for her to walk straight out the door and keep walking until she reaches the edge of a high cliff that leads into a horrible, swirling void (think “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom”), that she might tumble downward and disappear forever and ever, amen.

I don’t want her to die or anything. I’d just really prefer that she go away and never show up in front of another camera again.

Because Paula Abdul is exactly the sort of person who should never, ever have been invited to appear on television in the first place. Sadly, in this era of pointing cameras at people’s faces and asking them to tell us their thoughts — on reality shows, on news and magazine sites, on YouTube, on those “Top 10 Celebrity Jackasses” shows on VH1 and E! — we’ve become accustomed to hearing boring media professionals and demi-celebrities without thoughts inside their big, empty heads prattle on and on, trying to form a thought as we’re lulled to sleep by the sound of their endless chatter. “What’s the deal with Britney, anyway?” they say, or “Seth Rogen has had a pretty incredible year,” or “That dress looks all wrong on her. What was she thinking?” They possess the wisdom and insights of 10-year-old girls, but there they are, on-screen, in front of us, making pronouncements with the bluster and smugness of news anchors or renowned philosophers or world leaders.

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Heather Havrilesky is Salon's TV critic and author of the rabbit blog. Her memoir, "Disaster Preparedness," published in 2010.   More Heather Havrilesky

Wednesday, Nov 2, 2011 7:00 PM UTC2011-11-02T19:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Is a teen “Idol” star suddenly too skinny?

Lauren Alaina celebrates becoming "extra small." Her weight obsession might send other girls an unhealthy message

lauren alaina

Rest easy, America. Lauren Alaina, the 16-year-old “American Idol” runner-up, has lost 25 pounds. In an interview this week with Us, the country crooner — whose debut album is perched just below “Idol” castmate Scotty McCreery’s on the Billboard top-10 — talks about “changing my diet” and learning “correct portion control” to achieve her newly slimmed-down physique. Whew, now she can be a real star.

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Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedubMore Mary Elizabeth Williams

Monday, Aug 15, 2011 4:30 PM UTC2011-08-15T16:30:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

The night my family won “American Idol”

It was just another night in the cheap seats -- until a random encounter turned everything around

Haley Reinhart, Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina.

Haley Reinhart, Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina.

On a Wednesday evening last March, my daughters and I had an “American Idol” campout in our living room. I made hot dogs and microwaved s’mores as we watched the contestants croon through a crowd-pleasing roster of Motown hits. The next morning, my father-in-law died. That night, the girls and I gathered again in the living room, huddled on the couch in our pajamas, and watched Casey Abrams sing just a few bars of “I Don’t Need No Doctor” to be granted reprieve from elimination.

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Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedubMore Mary Elizabeth Williams

Tuesday, Aug 9, 2011 7:50 PM UTC2011-08-09T19:50:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Today’s must-see viral videos

Watch: Barney Frank's gas-passing, New York's smallest apartment, and how far three college degrees will get you

Barney Frank, possible farter

Barney Frank, possible farter

1. Barney Frank may or may not have passed gassed on television last night:

OK, I’ve watched/listened to this video of Democrat Rep. Barney Frank talking to Rachel Maddow three times now, and it definitely sounds like a fart.

We can pretend like there are more important things going on in American politics right now than a natural bodily function, but let’s not kid ourselves. Flatulence remains the No. 1 key issue for voters during election years; everyone knows that.

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Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrewMore Drew Grant

Wednesday, Jun 29, 2011 10:01 PM UTC2011-06-29T22:01:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Five pop culture items we missed

Today's catch includes Harrison Ford talking smack, Charlie Sheen's 'roid rage, and J.Lo's "American Idol" future

Charlie Sheen on drugs.

Charlie Sheen on drugs.

1. Grizzled old man uttering profanities of the day:

Harrison Ford on Shia LaBeouf talking crap about the last “Indiana Jones” movie, “I think he was a fucking idiot.” Boom!

2. Major nerd accomplishment of the day:

Fifty thousand Lego pieces and a love of “Lord of the Rings” is what inspired Kevin Walter to create the world’s most complex model of the Dark Tower Barad-dûr. One block to rule them all?

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Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrewMore Drew Grant

Thursday, May 26, 2011 12:27 PM UTC2011-05-26T12:27:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

“American Idol’s” pageant of boredom

Scotty McCreery wins in a star-studded finale, but the big question is: Can this show survive?

AMERICAN IDOL: Scotty McCreery learns that he is the next American Idol during the season ten AMERICAN IDOL GRAND FINALE at the Nokia Theatre on Weds. May 25, 2011 in Los Angeles, California.  CR: Michael Becker/FOX

AMERICAN IDOL: Scotty McCreery learns that he is the next American Idol during the season ten AMERICAN IDOL GRAND FINALE at the Nokia Theatre on Weds. May 25, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. CR: Michael Becker/FOX

In its buildup-to-payoff ratio, the “American Idol” finale might be the most bloated, least thrilling TV event of any given year. If you, the loyal viewer, follow the show’s mini-drama from January through May, watching the contestants strive and then disappear and developing an attachment, however fleeting, to whoever’s left, the Fox network will reward you with a two-hour special that wraps up the story. Problem is, the conclusion will be packed into the last five minutes of an old-fashioned, eclectic variety show that advertises everything from the earnest foxiness of Beyoncé to the domestic heat of “Idol” judge Jennifer Lopez and husband Marc Anthony’s superstar marriage, plus a totally gratuitous number from Broadway’s “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.” (Spoiler alert if you spared yourself the annoyance and didn’t watch.)

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Matt Zoller Seitz

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