Fiction
Must read: “Glover’s Mistake”
A lovelorn schoolteacher uses the Internet to exact his romantic revenge in Nick Laird's chilling tale
It’s easy to underestimate Nick Laird’s new novel, “Glover’s Mistake,” if you only dip your toe into the book. For the first couple of chapters it might be the literary equivalent of one of those early Hugh Grant movies, where the stammering hero trips over his own feet a few times before kissing the girl against a background of quirky, candied pop songs. It’s the story of David Pinner, a lovelorn London schoolteacher in his 30s and a never-was artist who vents his frustrated intellect in an anonymous blog he calls (perfectly) the Damp Review. He critiques everything from films to “takeaways,” but he finds it easiest “to write on disappointments. Hatreds, easier still.”
One day, while leafing through Time Out magazine, David spots a photo of Ruth Marks, an American artist and one of his former instructors, in town for a residency. He attends her opening and diligently engineers a renewed friendship. She’s older, talented, charismatic, an emissary from a world of privilege and bohemian glamour who inspires rustling in David’s bedraggled romantic hopes.
Those hopes are what make David appear to be our hero, for who among us hasn’t learned to sympathize with love’s underdogs, those Ugly Bettys searching for someone willing to look deep enough to see their true worth? To David’s chagrin, Ruth starts dating his younger, handsome, athletic roommate and best friend, James Glover. Yet surely the blueprints have been laid for Ruth to reconsider at the last moment? Perhaps just as David realizes that a frequent commenter on the Damp Review, a fellow Londoner calling herself Singleton, might be a better match for him after all?
Rather than fulfilling this formula, Laird commences a thorough and merciless dissection of its delusions. David makes several stealthy attempts to sabotage the affair between Ruth and Glover, positioning himself to comfort her in the aftermath. Their relationship proves surprisingly resilient, despite the difference in their ages and what David fondly regards as Glover’s “very average” mind. (Worse yet, the lamentably unsophisticated Glover is a regular churchgoer.) When another of his schemes is frustrated, David goes online to post (anonymously, of course) an ” honest appraisal” of Ruth’s work, sternly noting her “egoistic, solipsistic vision of the world” and the propensity toward “fetishization” exhibited in some nude portraits she’s painted of Glover.
The novel’s definition sharpens to a painful degree, like one of those HD broadcasts revealing the wrinkles and blemishes on faces we’ve grown accustomed to viewing in softer focus. Laird’s metaphors shift into a more jittery register; doing coke with a bunch of Ruth’s arty friends, David notices that one of her former lovers has eyes “the same tense blue of Microsoft Word.” He stews in resentment against those who, like Ruth and Glover, are “anointed in luck” by dint of talent, birth or good looks, and posts a screed titled “Wanking Ourselves Senseless: The Death of Love in Modern Culture.” He stops just short of complaining that “nice guys” are forever being shortchanged by women because he is, to his misfortune, not quite self-deceiving enough to convince himself that he’s nice.
It’s a classic case of bait and switch; leading us to expect the palliative of romantic comedy, Laird delivers instead an honest appraisal of his own, as scouring as a stiff wind off the North Sea — and, if you can take it, as bracing. The Internet that David celebrates as “democratic” and “public” is also, in his hands, a place where passive-aggression is free to flourish luxuriantly. You may have to feel love in order to win it in return, but modern culture provides many opportunities to kill it. And sometimes the ugliness of an ugly duckling goes all the way down to the bone.
Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.com. More Laura Miller.
50 shades of Shutterstock
Slide show: Everyone's favorite light-bondage bestseller illustrated by inexplicable stock photography SLIDE SHOW
This week, for roughly the millionth time, E.L. James’ romance-bondage trilogy “50 Shades” nabs the No. 1, 2 and 3 spots on the New York Times bestseller lists. We don’t get it either. Every page of that book, which famously began as “Twilight” fan fiction, elicits a sigh of confusion and weird secondary embarrassment. The question is: Who would read this? (The answer is: Apparently everyone.) It’s the same baffled, helpless feeling we get when we sort through stock photos on a daily basis. Stock photos – which have been the subject of recent outstanding Internet satire – are used by this site, and many others, to illustrate our flood of content. Many are plain and simple, but a good portion are flat-out mind-blowing. Why did anyone think that photo was a good idea? It only made sense to join these forces. And so, we present to you passages from the most head-scratching bestseller of our time, illustrated with the assistance of inexplicable stock photography.
Megaphone by Natalie Bakopoulos
Miracles happen, even in an Athens crippled by a garbage strike, to a young mother unsure of her ability to love
(Credit: iStockphoto/caracterdesign) It’s the third week of the garbage strike and Athens has begun to smell. Bright-colored trash bags fill the curbs and alleyways, and we have learned to step over the rubbish and avoid the blocks that had become unnavigable. We know which stretches are particularly foul — a stretch along Mavili Square, or the entire top end of Monastiraki. Odos Athinas is a sea of trash, and Omonia is ghastly but we don’t go there anyway. May has gone from unseasonably cool to raging hot, and the garbage seems to be melting. In front of the museum it’s like yet another installation project. When I arrive each morning I want to wretch.
Continue Reading CloseNatalie Bakopoulos's first novel, "The Green Shore," will be published by Simon & Schuster in June 2012. Her work has appeared in Tin House, Ninth Letter, Granta Online, and The O. Henry Prize Stories 2010, and she is a contributing editor for the online journal Fiction Writers Review. More Natalie Bakopoulos.
Almost by Chris Pavone
She never thought of herself as ambitious, until motherhood and career collided in one horrifying hospital ride
(Credit: iStockphoto/caracterdesign) It’s just before dawn when Isabel puts the final page down on the fat stack of paper that sits on the rumpled bedspread, next to an overflowing crystal ashtray and a crumpled soft-pack of cigarettes. She’d tried Wellbutrin and Xanax; she’d used patches and gum. In the end, the only thing that made her quit smoking was being pregnant.
But then, after everything, she couldn’t help but start up again. At first it was just a single cigarette per day, or two. Then it became a few, and within months she was back to full-throttle. Over the past couple of years, she’s tried to quit a few times, but not seriously. She anticipates — she accepts — failure. Because she doesn’t want to quit, not really. She wants instead to try, and fail.
Continue Reading CloseMemorial Day fiction: Are we there yet?
Salon exclusive: At the start of the summer fiction season, new stories from Chris Pavone and Natalie Bakopoulos
(Credit: iStockphoto/caracterdesign) “Are we there yet?”
It’s a dreaded sentence. When it’s spoken by an anxious child from the back seat, it’s enough to make stressed-out parents wish they’d never taken a family vacation in the first place. And even if it’s delivered as a sing-songy punch line, from an impatient partner or spouse on a long road trip, it’s an irritating eye-roller of a joke.
So this Memorial Day weekend — the unofficial start of the summer vacation season, and therefore the summer fiction season — we asked two novelists to reclaim the sentence in a new and adult context. For our latest fiction project, there was only one simple rule: Each story had to include the line “Are we there yet?” in a fresh and surprising way.
Continue Reading CloseDavid Daley is the senior culture editor of Salon. More David Daley.
“Frankenstein” remixed
This masterful new adaptation of Mary Shelley's classic novel may be the best interactive fiction yet
Whatever interactive fiction is (and we’re still figuring that out) it suffers from all the problems of traditional fiction and then some. The vast majority of novels and short stories aren’t much good, but when a branching fiction — along the lines of the old “Choose Your Own Adventure” children’s books — fails to engage, the first impulse is to blame the form rather than the content. Let “Frankenstein,” just released by Inkle Studios and Profile Books, serve as a reproach to that reflex. The app is a creative, subtle and sensitive adaptation of Mary Shelley’s classic novella, and it has singlehandedly renewed this critic’s hopes for interactive fiction.
Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.com. More Laura Miller.
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