John Edwards, you ARE the father

The National Enquirer says "secret DNA testing" proves that, yup, he's the dad

Topics: John Edwards, Broadsheet, Rielle Hunter, Love and Sex,

Surprising exactly no one — except, possibly, John Edwards’ spokesperson, whose leisure dinner Wednesday night was very likely interrupted by approximately five billion calls — the National Enquirer is reporting that “secret DNA tests” prove Rielle Hunter’s 18-month-old daughter Frances is, in fact, the spawn of a particular former presidential candidate. (Hint: It’s not Dennis Kucinich.)

Sure,  take it all with a grain of salt or ten: This is the National Enquirer –  but that’s the pub that broke news of the affair, and it hasn’t been wrong about the story yet. If the report proves true, then we can finally end this charade about “who’s really the dad,” and families can start healing, and long-suffering wives can start accepting, and politicians can stop lying — or, at the very least, child support arrangements can be made, stat.

Last Thursday, as War Room reported, Hunter testified in front of a grand jury to determine whether or not campaign funds were illegally funneled to her. So the twists may keep coming, but perhaps one chapter is (dare we dream?) closed.

At this time, Edwards has no plans, sadly, to appear on Maury Povich.

 

Sarah Hepola is an editor at Salon.

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