One of the most visible side effects of the drama surrounding Tiger Woods’ truly epic indiscretion has been its high entertainment value. In the wake of the jokes in late-night monologues, the impending porn movie and the slow jam, it was perhaps inevitable somebody would turn it into a game.
Yet wide as the berth we give to rib-tickling diversion may be, there are some things that are plain stupid. Take, for example, “Tiger’s Transgressions,” wherein the object is to help Tiger knock out blabbermouth “hos” with “well-timed” drives before they reach a news van. As its creator, Dominic A. Tocci, explains, it’s the “most fun and greatest mistress assaulting golf simulator of 2010.” There are two levels of play, depending on how “easy” you like your hos. Oh, look, there’s one sauntering outside the Sex Addiction Clinic. Take a swing! Miss the shot? That’s a “ho hitting fail.” So popular is the chick-blitzing game that it’s clocked in over 4,600,000 plays since its debut in mid-December, garnering a 91 percent approval rating on Atom.
On his blog, Tocci crows that, “By and large it seems the general public has a sense of humor these days. Sweet.” Well, Tocci, that’s why I’m here to represent for the Angry, Bitter Feminists. See, I know it’s just a game. I understand that the creator of “Bush’s Shoe Dodge” and “Hunting With Palin” is simply making light of the news. And no one could accuse Mr. Woods’ special ladies of not being media-chasing opportunists themselves.
But there’s something seriously clueless about a creating a game where the object is “assaulting” the “hos.” Aside from the fact that that’s what we have “Grand Theft Auto” for, the implication that when a man cheats, the women he dallies with deserve punishment is already pervasive enough, thanks. Furthermore, do we really need to explain the non-hilarity of violence against women? (And no, it wouldn’t be amusing if the game were about a scorned wife trying to mow down her husband either.) But most galling of all, knocking down defenseless targets like they’re ducks at the arcade is just some weak-ass gaming. Forget Tiger and “the front 9″ — we’ll stick to Rolando.