Things we’d believe about Lady Gaga

As fatigue for the pop icon's wackiness sets in, we ruminate on the bizarro revelations that would not surprise us

Topics: Lady Gaga, Broadsheet, Love and Sex,

Things we'd believe about Lady GagaSinger Lady Gaga attends the amfAR (American Foundation for AIDS Research) benefit gala on Wednesday, Feb. 10, 2010 in New York. (AP Photo/Evan Agostini)(Credit: AP)

There is much to love about Lady Gaga. She’s daring, she’s both feminist and pop, and she’s continually skating back and forth over the line between offensive and right-on. And yet, we may have entered the era of Lady Gaga Profile Fatigue.

Take, for example, Vanessa Grigoriadis’ excellent profile in New York Magazine. Really, it is excellent! Yet, because it is a Lady Gaga profile, there is the inevitable retread: Gaga grew up scrappy and ambitious, she got weird and ambitious, and now she is super-weird, and ambitious, and a star. Gaga says things like, “I can actually mentally give myself an orgasm.” Gaga says things like, “pop stars should not eat.” And Gaga says things that are human and likable: “I’ve had to shout for so long because I was only given five minutes, but now I’ve got 15,” for example, about her career. And Gaga says that if she wears a certain dress, her audience “will forget every sad, painful thing in their lives, and they’ll just live in my bubble world.” And she’s being Lady Gaga again.

As the (excellent) profile conveys, Stefani Germanotta isn’t innately interesting. She’s made Lady Gaga interesting, with hard work. But at this point, Gaga is so full of wacky revelations about her life that you could put basically any information about her in a profile and we’d believe it. Here’s a list of Things I Would Probably Believe About Lady Gaga:

You Might Also Like

• Lady Gaga does eat. But exclusively turnips.

• Lady Gaga bathes in olive oil poured into a claw-foot tub by two handsome male nurses named Greg and Salvatore.

• Lady Gaga is performing a concert in a secluded location in Iceland. Several ley lines converge there, creating a spot of mystic power. On this very spot, it is said, Bjork first emerged from the earth.

• Lady Gaga is performing a concert in an underground bunker. No one will be allowed to attend. It will be available exclusively on Pay-Per-View.

• You will not pay to view this concert with money. You will pay with a lock of your hair.

• Lady Gaga is a performance art project staged by James Franco.

• James Franco is a performance art project staged by Lady Gaga.

• Lady Gaga and James Franco are married, and they have a baby. It is Gonzo, from the Muppets, somehow.

You begin to see what I mean. At this point, Lady Gaga’s strangeness is a bit old hat. The most entrancing parts of the profile are its glimpses of a young Gaga, wearing sweatpants, eating Doritos, and watching “Sex and the City” on a friend’s couch. Now that sounds bizarre.

 

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 13
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    DAYA  
    Young Daya has yet to become entirely jaded, but she has the character's trademark skeptical pout down pat. And with a piece-of-work mother like Aleida -- who oscillates between jealousy and scorn for her creatively gifted daughter, chucking out the artwork she brings home from summer camp -- who can blame her?

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    MORELLO   
    With her marriage to prison penpal Vince Muccio, Lorna finally got to wear the white veil she has fantasized about since childhood (even if it was made of toilet paper).

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    CINDY   
    Cindy's embrace of Judaism makes sense when we see her childhood, lived under the fist of a terrifying father who preached a fire-and-brimstone version of Christianity. As she put it: "I was raised in a church where I was told to believe and pray. And if I was bad, I’d go to hell."

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    CAPUTO   
    Joey Caputo has always tried to be a good guy, whether it's offering to fight a disabled wrestler at a high school wrestling event or giving up his musical ambitions to raise another man's child. But trying to be a nice guy never exactly worked out for him -- which might explain why he decides to take the selfish route in the Season 3 finale.

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    BOO   
    In one of the season's more moving flashbacks, we see a young Boo -- who rejected the traditional trappings of femininity from a young age -- clashing with her mother over what to wear. Later, she makes the decision not to visit her mother on her deathbed if it means pretending to be something she's not. As she puts it, "I refuse to be invisible, Daddy. Not for you, not for Mom, not for anybody.”

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    SOSO
    We still don't know what landed Brooke Soso in the slammer, but a late-season flashback suggests that some seriously overbearing parenting may have been the impetus for her downward spiral.

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    POUSSEY
    We already know a little about Poussey's relationship with her military father, but this season we saw a softer side of the spunky fan-favorite, who still pines for the loving mom that she lost too young.

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    PENNSATUCKY
    Pennsatucky had something of a redemption arc this season, and glimpses of her childhood only serve to increase viewer sympathy for the character, whose mother forced her to chug Mountain Dew outside the Social Security Administration office and stripped her of her sexual agency before she was even old enough to comprehend it.

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    CHANG
    This season, we got an intense look at the teenage life of one of Litchfield's most isolated and underexplored inmates. Rebuffed and scorned by her suitor at an arranged marriage, the young Chinese immigrant stored up a grudge, and ultimately exacted a merciless revenge.

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    HEALY
    It's difficult to sympathize with the racist, misogynist CO Sam Healy, but the snippets we get of his childhood -- raised by a mentally ill mother, vomited on by a homeless man he mistakes for Jesus when he runs to the church for help -- certainly help us understand him better.

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    NORMA
    This season, we learned a lot about one of Litchfield's biggest enigmas, as we saw the roots of Norma's silence (a childhood stutter) and the reason for her incarceration (killing the oppressive cult leader she followed for decades).

    The 12 most incredible pint-size look-alikes in "Orange Is the New Black" season 3

    NICKI
    While Nicki's mother certainly isn't entirely to blame for her daughter's struggles with addiction, an early childhood flashback -- of an adorable young Nicki being rebuffed on Mother's Day -- certainly helps us understand the roots of Nicki's scarred psyche.

  • Recent Slide Shows

Comments

0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>