In the latest “news that will edge your fiction-writing friends closer to suicidal despair,” television host, model, producer and Fake Hair Academy headmistress Tyra Banks has announced that she is penning a series of fantasy novels for her own Random House imprint, Bankable Books. To paraphrase Ms. Banks herself: Stephenie Meyer, kiss her fat ass.
On her Web site, Banks reveals that her first title will be “Modelland” (which she explains is not pronounced “Mo Dellund” but “Model Land”) — the story of a “fantastical place” full of “drop-dead beautiful, kick-butt fierce” beings known as “Intoxibellas.” It sounds like Narnia — with eating disorders! And did C. S. Lewis ever appear on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue? Bitch, please.
Banks, whose telegenic personality certainly suggests a woman smarter and funnier than the average mannequin, tells her fans that, “As you might know, I step into a bookstore and I shake (really!) because I love books so much.” Hope she can keep her fingers steady while she’s penning her yarns about a world “where dreams come true and life can change in the blink of a smoky eye” — a phrase surely lifted straight from Dostoevsky’s proposal for “The Possessed.” And while we’ll just have to wait for the release of “Modelland” to judge Banks’ skill as an author, we’ll nevertheless wager this much: Exclamation points and the word “fierce” on every page.