Joran van der Sloot

Scott Peterson received a marriage proposal during his first day on Death Row. “Night Stalker” Richard Ramirez, a rapist, serial killer and Satanist — and serious catch in some eyes, apparently — was inundated with mail from romantic admirers; and he even married while behind bars. Robert Chambers, the so-called Preppie Killer, is said to have had so many female fans attempting to smuggle him contraband that he had to be transferred to another facility. The attractive and charismatic Ted Bundy — a necrophiliac who confessed to more than 30 murders — was so notoriously popular with women that the rather dubious claim that he received 200 love letters a day still circulates. Even John Wayne Gacy Jr., who raped and murdered 33 young boys, netted significant female attention.

Back to the question of what it is about these murderous men that get some women going: Sheila Isenberg, author of “Women Who Love Men Who Kill,” told Salon that notoriety is a big part of it. Although Van der Sloot hasn’t been convicted in the murder of Stefany Flores Ramirez or  the disappearance of Natalee Holloway, he’s been in the news for so many years now that “he’s almost as notorious as a convicted serial killer like Bundy or Ramirez,” she said. People are often drawn to celebrities, in hopes of soaking up some of their limelight, and the distinction between fame and notoriety seems to become blurrier every day. Not to mention, ”it’s easier to get a date or get attention from Joran than, say, Brad Pitt,” says Isenberg. “Pitt is going to ignore your letter, he’s not going to boast about your letter — but this guy is. He’s probably reading his letters and responding to them, because it puffs him up and raises his status in his own eyes.”

Then there is the excitement factor. These men provide a break from the quotidian — or, as Isenberg puts it, they aren’t the boring husband “who leaves his dirty socks on the floor.” She says that “if the guy’s behind bars, it’s always exciting.” You go to visit him in prison and you’re surrounded by “guards with guns and barbed wire — it’s not dirty socks on the floor.” No, it sure isn’t — in fact, it’s officially known as “hybristophilia,” which is the condition of being sexually aroused by people who have committed horrific crimes. Some of these women want to be violent themselves — often because of abuse in their past — but don’t feel capable of it, so they experience the thrill vicariously. Others are attracted to the safety of the situation — again, often because of abuse in their past: If a man is locked up for a long time, or sitting on Death Row, he doesn’t pose much of a real physical threat. 

Other experts have focused instead on biological imperatives, turning to scenes observed in the animal world: Female orangutans, for example, have demonstrated a sexual preference for the largest, most confrontational and violent males. Murderous men embody perhaps the most extreme presentation of machismo imaginable; they are warriors without rules. “Serial killer groupies,” as they are cringingly nicknamed, “may be equating this sort of violence with masculine strength and then seeking it as a way to bring such a male into their lives, for protection and for producing offspring with a good chance for survival,” writes Katherine Ramsland for TruTV.com. “Thus, they’re responding to a biological drive that they may not even be aware of.”

It’s also true, though, that our culture tends to romanticize and fetishize violence. “We make heroes out of our shooter — whether the shooter is a good guy or a bad guy,” says Isenberg. “And women are turned on by heroes.”

We don’t know what the pair actually talked about or why they decided to leave together (according to some reports, Flores was a lesbian) — but it’s easy to project personal experience onto these silent scenes. They seem emblematic of life in your 20s: A chance meeting with a stranger, the small talk and flirtation that ensues, and then the decision to go somewhere a little more comfortable, private. So many of us have been there — only Flores ended up dead.

I watch these videos and think: Could that have been me? I try to imagine the security camera footage of my teens and early 20s. There I am, on vacation in Hawaii at age 15, leaving a brightly-lit hotel lobby for the dark of night with a boy that, even then, I suspected to be many years older than his claimed 15. Off-camera, on a shadowy deserted span of beach, he introduces me to a couple of firsts: Rum, vomiting from too much rum, making out and, when he tries to push things too far, an awareness of my own vulnerability. Things turned out fine — but they so easily could have not. The same could be said for all those ill-advised (and aptly named) Kamikaze shots and drunken walks home alone — and, once or twice, with a stranger — late at night.

Young women are supposed to avoid putting themselves in these situations, we are always to be on-guard and see predators lurking behind every corner. After so many uneventful walks home with your keys laced between your fingers, though, it’s easy to let your guard down. Maybe the world isn’t such a threatening and unfriendly place, after all. Then another story breaks of a young woman being raped or killed after boozing, going home with a guy, or just being a young woman, and again we wonder: Could that have been me? The media is often quick to answer “yes.”

Yahoo’s online women’s magazine, Shine, offered up a list if ways to protect yourself from murderous men while traveling. It includes: ”Do not get into a car, go on a walk, go back to a house or hotel room alone with a man.” Be safe, trust no one! This might all sound “persnickety or over the top,” writes Jessica Ashley, “but I am very sure that Stefany Flores’ and Natalee Holloway’s mothers would say that they would much rather have had their daughters be overly cautious and alive today rather than lost to the night with one man.” In fact, why not just skip the vacation altogether and put that money toward building your own personal panic room. Might sound extreme, but — tsk, tsk — better safe than sorry, girls.

This rule-making and advice-giving allows us to distance ourselves from the victims of senseless crimes. It might be a reasonably healthy mind game for us to play — happiness requires some degree of self-delusion, right? — but it easily veers into victim-blaming territory. ”I can’t help but wonder if Stephany Flores’s parents have been racking their brains wondering why their daughter would exhibit such low standards by entering a hotel room at 5 a.m. (or any time, for that matter) with a man she just met at a casino (or anywhere, for that matter),” writes blogger Jillita Horton. ”Did we not teach her self-respect, self-restraint and morals, they might be wondering.” That’s right, the preposterous thing about this case is that a girl went home with a stranger — not that that stranger allegedly bludgeoned her to death. Horton adds: “Despite this tragic news, women the world over will continue going into hotel rooms with men they just met … a decision that is never intelligent, never rational, never moral.” Chastising murder victims, though? Totally kosher.

It’s no secret that the media seizes on and exploits our fears, and it isn’t just the murder of young women. From kidnappings to shark attacks, anomalous events are turned into teachable, instructive moments. It’s smart to take some precautions, of course, but so many of these worst-case scenarios that make global headlines are not practically preventable, at least not without living in total paralysis — and even still! There are no guarantees in life, aside from death — and that’s a fact that can be either depressing or freeing, you get to choose.