So if you’re keeping a tally, that’s a tick in the “win” column for Sarah Palin and her disapproval, and a mark in the “lose” column for Kathy Griffin, who will likely get a drunken late-night call from Levi asking to sleep on her couch. Politics Daily extols the virtues of Bristol, Levi and their white-trash heritage, and the Boston Herald imagines what the couple’s breakup texts may have looked like. And, as usual, Levi’s sister Mercede has something to say about the whole baby-daddy scandal on her blog.

Speaking of Kathy Griffin, this is her hilarious video response to the news that Bristol and Levi were getting married:

It also promises to be a typical evening of Dr. Drew’s Helpy Helperton shtick, as a sneak preview reveals. And when Palin speaks of “a series of bad decisions,” Dr. Drew quickly interjects, “Well, one of them was intoxicated. In California, that would be a rape. Is it the same in Alaska?” Because it’s definitely the same in Drew Pinksy’s head.

Palin has said in her book that she doesn’t remember losing her virginity to Levi Johnston during a wine cooler-fueled camping trip, and describes feeling like her virginity was “stolen.” But she has also been consistently clear that she doesn’t believe she was the victim of a sexual assault.

“I’m not accusing Levi of rape,” she tells Dr. Drew, who quickly counters with, “Did it feel like a rape?”

“It was consensual,” she says, clearly flustered, “because I stayed with him for years on end after that.”

But like a dog with a bone, Pinsky doesn’t let go. “You don’t remember what kids do,” he chides her, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly. “They try to make it riiiiiiiiight by justifying sticking together.” Wake up, Bristol, Dr. Drew is here with your rape rehab!

Only Palin and Johnston know for sure what happened in that tent that night, and from the sound of things, they’re pretty hazy on the details themselves. But while it doesn’t sound like any teenager’s finest moment, Palin’s response suggests that she views it as a drunken hookup and a rip-off, but ultimately, a willing act. And if that’s good enough for her, why should Dr. Drew or anybody else try to make her paint herself as a victim?

1. Lady Gaga’s dark secret: Biographer Ian Halperin is telling the world that Gaga is a sick drug addict who is obsessed with her weight.  OK, but is she really bisexual??

2. Bristol Palin questioned on “stolen virginity”: Barbara Walters calls out the memoirist for her description of her first time having sex with Levi Johnston. Walters: “It must have been OK, because you kept on having sex with him, yeah?”

3. Rob Lowe as Drew Peterson in a new Lifetime movie:

Apparently it took nine hours to do this amazing makeup transformation… of affixing a fake mustache to Lowe’s face.

4. The return of the eHarmony cat lady: Once more, with feeling! (And keyboard cats.)

5. LeAnn Rimes back to being semi-nude on the Internet: But this time it’s OK, because she’s tweeting about her curves while in a bikini. Now no one will dare call her skinny!

6. Shia LaBeouf is directing a Marilyn Manson documentary: Three-part question here. Why is Shia LaBeouf directing a Marilyn Manson documentary? Why is there a Marilyn Manson documentary being made? And why did he announce this on “Regis and Kelly”?

7. Chilling exposé on “Tiny Belly” Internet ad: I’m not going to lie, this is a very good investigative piece, but I honestly assumed that all of these kinds of ads are scams. It would be kind of weird if it turned out that someone was actually trying to give away a completely free weight-loss system via annoying Internet pop-ups.

8. Neil on “Jeopardy”:

Poor Neil. I kind of want to pair him up with the whiz kid from “Magnolia” and have them hang out and be best friends and sing Aimee Mann songs together.

9. They are recasting the baby from “Modern Family”: The twins who played Lily are getting dumped, probably for the Olsens.

10. What infamous dictator does this bug look like?: I’m going with Pol Pot.

Of course, Sarah Palin is not actually (yet) running for president, unlike Bachmann. It’s still not clear that she will run for president. Palin’s in Iowa promoting the third or fourth “premiere” of the silly documentary about how she used to be considered competent and independent. It’s sort of sad. Dave Weigel’s comparing Palin to Norma Desmond.

Bristol Palin (promoting her book) says her mother has made a decision about the campaign. Which could mean an ill-advised decision to run, probably only to make all the people predicting that she won’t run look foolish. (If Sarah Palin is going to run for president, it will be out of spite, because she certainly doesn’t seem interested in campaigning.)

Barack Obama, meanwhile, is touring a factory. He will be in Bettendorf for like an hour or two. (There’s not much reason for a sitting president to campaign in Iowa, though I guess every electoral vote counts.)

After she watches the movie about herself again, Palin will be at some sort of cookout that will be closed to the press, so don’t expect a major announcement tonight.

Snarky blog The Superficial put it in more salacious terms. “Bristol Palin is accusing Levi Johnston of rape!” reads its headline, but that’s not really fair to Bristol. Sure, she calls Levi a “gnat” and quotes his reaction to the pregnancy news as “Better be a f***ing boy,” (which … classy!), but that’s not Bristol calling it rape. Saying she doesn’t remember the event isn’t saying she was unconscious for it, just wasted.

The statement is left ambiguous enough that if you held the story up to the light in one way — Alaskan girl gets drunk for the first time, boyfriend takes advantage — the colors slant toward an uncomfortable position for Levi, one that some may define as rape (if Bristol was incapacitated, say, and Levi wasn’t). But the wording is left just this side of vague enough (Mama Grizzly’s lawyers made sure of that, no doubt) that Levi can’t exactly call it libel. And Levi will get the chance to tell his own side of the story when his own book, “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs” hits the stores. Though if his prose is as clunky as that mixed-metaphor title, I don’t know how anyone will be able to read it.

The DMs are not that outrageous or shocking, because we already all know that Palin and her inner-circle are paranoid and petty. It’s news that they hate Mitt Romney? The fact that Palin’s operation is an unprofessional cult of personality is public knowledge. But they’re still entertaining for anyone fascinated by Palin and her camp.

Mansour calls Palin “BigBoss” and Mitt Romney “Mittens.” She says “Evangelicals 4 Mitt” is a “fake org.” She calls blogger and CNN personality Erick Erickson “a total douchebag” and a “greasy dumb ass with a talent for self-promotion.” There is some outrage about Joe McGinniss, and an attempt to leak some semi-damaging stuff about Alaska radio host Shannyn Moore. [Update: Moore writes to say Mansour's claims are "not true, so not semi-damaging."]

And there are messages from when Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston were (briefly) back together, about how “heartbreaking” Bristol’s decision was to Sarah and Todd. (“Two words: Patti Davis. Okay three more: Ron Reagan Junior. Two more: Billy Carter. Doesn’t your family have one?”) That is the most embarrassing material, but even these messages are mostly harmless:

20:05:28: She’ll never publicly disown her daughter. She doesn’t have it in her. My mother would’ve never been able to do that either. Privately…

20:06:42: she will hold her at arm’s length. Even Thatcher was never able to disown her screw up son Mark. It’s a Mom thing.

I am not going to tut-tut about the journalistic ethics of this, because I read the story with great interest, and Sarah Palin’s closest advisor’s uncensored opinions about politics certainly seem newsworthy to me. Politico’s Ben Smith says he was offered this material last November, for a price, but Tucker Carlson says the Caller doesn’t pay for stories. The leaker seems to have done it for the lulz:

” I wasn’t serious back then. I was just … trolling you for fun. The Internet can be a boring place sometimes. :\,” the correspondent wrote.

I kind of can’t wait to see how Palin responds to this. She will probably call Tucker Carlson a child-molester on Facebook, for starters.