2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
It seems Nike has officially jumped on the bandwagon for big butts. In their new ad promoting butt-enhancing shoes, an ethnically-ambiguous woman is shown in what appears to be a pair of panties, tennis shoes and a cut-off tank. This ad follows a similarly booty-minded campaign from 2005 which shows off the curves of a dark-skinned model. Why the change?
Stereotypically, the big butt is a black woman thing. But in the new world, where booty is popping up everywhere (hello, Kim Kardashian) and even being celebrated, I’m not surprised that Nike chose a safer model — or one that might not be black at all. Black girls aren’t the only ones allowed to have big butts anymore. That brings about an emotional reaction: Are black women’s assets being taken away from us? Is it more beautiful to have a big butt and not be black? And was Serena just not available even though she’s already a Nike girl?
But when I read the first line of their little poem — “My butt is big and round like the letter C” — I instantly climbed on-board. It sounds like Nike is praising curves and telling women that if someone has a problem with your shape they can, well, kiss your ass — and what’s wrong with finding strength in an asset others might not think is beautiful? What’s wrong with acknowledging that big butts draw attention and that, no, lunges don’t do a damn thing but give it more shape.
Nike is headed in the right direction. Now, if we can just convince them to add some black girls into the mix — we certainly wouldn’t want people to get confused about who had it first.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.