How to scare white people

Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and the other right-wing fear-mongers know what subject riles up the masses: Race

Topics: This Week in Blackness, Race,

How to scare white people

I watch a lot of sci-fi and fantasy. Whether it be “Battlestar Galactica,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “The Sarah Connor Chronicles” or “Spartacus,” I’ve probably seen every episode and can argue minute points that really, really help me with the ladies. Regardless if it’s a battle set in the not too distant future or ancient Rome, the underlying concepts of these shows are all based on a common theme that people can relate to no matter what their background is: the battle between good and evil.

Now, we can sit and argue about “what’s good or evil” and get our philosophical game on, but that’s not my point at this moment. When I speak of good and evil it’s a pretty straightforward concept. Helping people? Good. Hurting people? Bad.

This is a simple rule that is often followed when telling stories. I realize in the 14-year-old portion of my brain I’m constantly in some sort of cosmic battle where I represent the side of righteousness against the horde of monsters. This is exactly how it plays out when I’m in line at the DMV. I’m fairly sure Voldemort or Sauron has specifically handpicked these particular workers to conquer my soul. Nine times out of 10 they totally win. But this is also how I approach race and politics.

When asked, “Where do you fall along the political spectrum,” I often answer, “I consider myself ‘anti-evil.’” When I see malicious attempts at hurting people I will often side with not hurting people. It’s weird, I know. I think stopping insurance companies from bankrupting families and denying healthcare is a good idea. I think maybe we shouldn’t racially profile Hispanics in order to deal with our immigration issue. Apparently this makes me a crazy socialist Nazi to some, but to me, I’m on the side of light.

You Might Also Like

I will continue fighting for what seems like obvious ways of helping: squashing stereotypes, speaking up against injustice, and, on occasion (read: all the time), mocking. If this was all playing out like some big-budget blockbuster movie my superpower would be sarcasm sprinkled with awesome snark. That’s how I cut down the forces that would rather marginalize my experiences and label me “caught up in race.” I will throw on my superhero hat, tilt it to the side, and happily tell someone to go fuck themselves for the betterment of society.

Making fun of evil is a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it, right?

Follow Elon James White on Twitter! To see more episodes, visit This Week in Blackness on GIANTLife.com. Elon James White is a contributing blogger for GIANTLife.com.

Elon James White is the editor-in-chief at This Week in Blackness. You can also follow him on Twitter.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 8
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails
    Sonic

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Sonic's Bacon Double Cheddar Croissant Dog

    Sonic calls this a "gourmet twist" on a classic. I am not so, so fancy, but I know that sprinkling bacon and cheddar cheese onto a tube of pork is not gourmet, even if you have made a bun out of something that is theoretically French.

    Krispy Kreme

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Krispy Kreme's Doughnut Dog

    This stupid thing is a hotdog in a glazed doughnut bun, topped with bacon and raspberry jelly. It is only available at Delaware's Frawley Stadium, thank god.

    KFC

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    KFC's Double Down Dog

    This creation is notable for its fried chicken bun and ability to hastily kill your dreams.

    Pizza Hut

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Pizza Hut's Hot Dog Bites Pizza

    Pizza Hut basically just glued pigs-in-blankets to the crust of its normal pizza. This actually sounds good, and I blame America for brainwashing me into feeling that.

    Carl's Jr.

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Carl's Jr. Most American Thick Burger

    This is a burger stuffed with potato chips and hot dogs. Choose a meat, America! How hard is it to just choose a meat?!

    Tokyo Dog

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Tokyo Dog's Juuni Ban

    A food truck in Seattle called Tokyo Dog created this thing, which is notable for its distinction as the Guinness Book of World Records' most expensive hot dog at $169. It is a smoked cheese bratwurst, covered in butter Teriyaki grilled onions, Maitake mushrooms, Wagyu beef, foie gras, black truffles, caviar and Japanese mayo in a brioche bun. Just calm down, Tokyo Dog. Calm down.

    Interscope

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Limp Bizkit's "Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water"

    This album art should be illegal.

  • Recent Slide Shows

Comments

0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>