2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Some day, someone too smart for their own good will write a dissertation comparing and contrasting the cross-cultural mashup-appropriation styles at work in the Hitler “Downfall” Internet meme and the Chinese Red Army magical mystery mashup tour now exploding in a YouTube video near you. But until that day arrives, I won’t pretend to tell you what it all means. All I can say is: When the Red Army goes to town on Michael Jackson’s “Beat It,” you are not going to want to miss the smoking erhu solo. Eddie Van Halen, eat your heart out.
ChinaSmack tells the full story, such as it is, and if you scroll all the way down to the end of their post, you’ll find a treasure trove of Red Army mashups, of varying quality, including the inevitable “Tik Tok” atrocity, a stunning rendition of the “Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtle” theme song, and a version of “We Will Rock You,” which, while inexpertly executed, throbs with global economic symbolism.
Enjoy, or be flabbergasted. It’s your choice.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.