2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Chris Lee is a Republican Congressman representing upstate New York. He 46 years old and married with one son. Except when he’s responding to Craigslist personal ads. Then, he’s 39 and divorced. And a lobbyist.
That is my single favorite detail in Gawker’s embarrassing story of Representative Lee trying to pick up a woman online: The “cover story” a Republican congressman uses is that he’s a lobbyist.
Here’s what Lee wrote in response to this Craigslist ad:
i’m a very fit fun classy guy. Live in Cap Hill area. 6ft 190lbs blond/blue. 39.. Lobbyist. I promise not to disappoint.
That was accompanied by a classy photo of the congressman golfing or something. He later sent the woman who posted the ad a more risque shot of himself shirtless and flexing in front of a bathroom mirror. It didn’t go anywhere (the woman realized he’d lied about his age and, uh, the fact that he’s a member of Congress).
Here’s what Lee’s spokesperson told Gawker:
“The Congressman is happily married,” said Lee’s spokesman when pressed for answers to our questions. “The only time he or his wife posted something online was to sell old furniture when they changed the apartment they keep in DC.”
Back in the good old days, a married congressman would just meet a woman at Hawk ‘n’ Dove, and no one would ever be the wiser, unless he got arrested on the way home for drunk driving. The Internet ruins everything.
Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org and follow him on Twitter @pareeneMore Alex Pareene.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.