We are talking only about newsstand sales, not total circulation, but this does mean that Bachmann’s incredibly controversial and very buzzy crazy eyes did not “move the needle,” as annoying people say. Of course, the actual article about Bachmann, inside of the eye-grabbing cover, was pretty bland. But since when does the quality of the journalism have anything to do with newsstand sales?

(Ad pages are also down, but that doesn’t have much to do with Bachmann.)

Meanwhile, Christine O’Donnell, the famous non-witch who lost a Senate race after improbably winning a GOP primary, is traveling the country promoting her inevitable book about the time she didn’t win an election. According to Fort Myers News Press (via Wonkette) the tour is not drawing massive crowds, even in conservative Naples, Florida.

Still, O’Donnell took the turnout of five people — members of the media outnumbered customers — at Barnes & Noble in stride.

“God bless you, Tom,” she told Tom Bruzzesi of Fort Myers, who said he’s launching his own presidential campaign.

“I like her,” Bruzzesi said. “She’s kind of a rogue like me.”

“Thank you for coming out today,” O’Donnell said to Louise Campo of Naples. “She interests me. She’s very conservative,” Campo said.

O’Donnell, a Christian, then politely turned down a request from a young man who asked her to sign his book on demonology instead of a copy of her book.

Well, that’ll happen. As Keith Olbermann reported last night, the book as thus far sold 2,200 copies, 1,500 of which went to O’Donnell supporters in Delaware:

This after a publicity blitz that notably included kicking herself off of Piers Morgan’s CNN show. (And now O’Donnell’s been disinvited, again, from a Tea Party Rally that is supposed to feature Sarah Palin.)

All this after Sarah Palin — the barometer of how America is receiving vacuous avatars of cultural resentment masquerading as Republican politicians — saw her much ballyhooed documentary open to weak numbers and quickly end up on DVD.

The last use any of these people have is as boogeymen with which to terrify liberals.

(Except for Rick Perry. That crazy corrupt jerk could end up president if we’re not careful.)

Median income in Southerland’s district: $34,718.

(And the health insurance isn’t “free,” but it is high-quality group private insurance with relatively cheap plans subsidized by Southerland’s employer, the federal government. And he’ll qualify for the pension in a couple of years, if he’s reelected.)

He’s also upset that he isn’t allowed to run his family business while serving as a congressman. There was apparently an actual civics teacher in attendance, to laugh at him:

Marty Monroe, a “recovering civics teacher” visiting her parents at Westminster Oaks, was unsympathetic.

“Why didn’t he know that going in, about conflicts of interests? Would you want members to be also running a business on the side?” Monroe said.

And finally, Southerland is upset that people want to hurt him:

“And by the way, did I mention? They’re shooting at us. There is law-enforcement security in this room right now, and why is that?” Southerland told about 125 people in an auditorium at the Westminster Oaks retirement community.

This I do feel bad about. I mean, it must be awful to be surrounded by armed guards because a certain political movement whipped up a nationwide atmosphere of apocalyptic paranoia and deep loathing of the supposedly tyrannical federal government. I really wish we knew which political party had enabled and encouraged that sort of thing! I remember that whichever one it was had a lot of guns and enjoyed showing them off. (Was it the League of Women Voters?)

So, all in all, seems like this Southerland guy hates his stupid job, being a congressman.

Setup: “If you think this job pays too much, with those kinds of risks and cutting me off from my family business, I’ll just tell you: This job don’t mean that much to me. I had a good life in Panama City.”

Punch line: “He’s running for a second term”

When the Census Bureau announces a new mean center of population next month, geographers believe it will be placed in or around Texas County, Mo., southwest of the present location in Phelps County, Mo. That would put it on a path to leave the region by midcentury.

“The geography is clearly shifting, with the West beginning to emerge as America’s new heartland,” said Robert Lang, a sociology professor at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas who regularly crunches data to determine the nation’s center. “It’s a pace-setting region that is dominant in population growth but also as a swing point in American politics.”

The last time the U.S. center fell outside the Midwest was 1850, in the eastern territory now known as West Virginia. Its later move to the Midwest bolstered the region as the nation’s cultural heartland in the 20th century, central to U.S. farming and Rust Belt manufacturing sites.

In the 1960s, “Will it play in Peoria?” was a common phrase that coincided with the U.S. center’s location in Illinois. It was a measure of whether a politician or consumer product could appeal to mainstream Americans with traits associated with Midwesterners, such as stability and caution.

But over the last decade, the Phoenix suburb of Peoria, Ariz., soared past its namesake Peoria, Ill., in population size. Democrat Barack Obama in 2008 successfully made the Republican-leaning Mountain West a key component to winning elections, with Colorado, Nevada and New Mexico now considered swing states.

With Arizona on track to surpass Ohio in electoral votes by midcentury, based on projected growth, issues important to the West, such as Arizona’s sharp debate over immigration, gain in political significance.

The Census Bureau calculates the mean U.S. center every 10 years based on its national head count. The center represents the middle point of the nation’s population distribution — the geographic point at which the country would balance if each of its 308.7 million residents weighed the same.

The latest 2010 figures show a loss of House seats for states including Missouri and some of those east of it, primarily in the Midwest’s declining Rust Belt. Eight of the 12 pickups in House seats occur in states west of Missouri, with Florida (with 2 new seats), Georgia and South Carolina in the Southeast being the exceptions.

The fastest U.S. growth is occurring in the Mountain West, which includes Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Utah and Wyoming. As California’s growth slows, many of the Mountain state arrivals are Hispanic immigrants seeking jobs and affordable family living. Hispanics tend to lean Democratic when voting.

Among census findings:

–In Arizona, which gains a House seat, Hispanics accounted for roughly half of the state’s population increase since 2000, according to census estimates. Arizona has picked up at least one House seat every decade since 1950; its total seats could outnumber Ohio’s as early as 2040 — so long as anti-immigration sentiment and recent mortgage foreclosures don’t curtail its long-term growth.

–In seven of the eight Mountain states, Hispanics accounted for nearly 50 percent or more of the population gains among children under 18. Montana, which had a population loss of children, was the exception.

–The Western U.S. grew 13.8 percent from 2000 to 71.9 million people, surpassing the Midwest as the second most populous region. The Midwest rose 3.9 percent and the Northeast gained 3.2 percent. The West’s growth rate is nearly equal to the South’s, which rose 14.3 percent to 114.6 million on the Sun Belt strength of Texas and Florida.

–California, which failed to add a House seat for the first time in its history, would have lost population if it weren’t for growth among Hispanics and other minorities, according to 2010 figures released Tuesday. Los Angeles posted a gain over the past decade of just under 100,000 people, its smallest numerical growth since 1890-1900, as many of its Hispanic residents moved elsewhere. The state, the nation’s largest with 37.3 million, continues to grow primarily from immigration and births.

“Instead of serving as the migration magnet of the West, California has become the anchor for an expanding Western region,” said William Frey, a demographer at Brookings Institution who reviewed the census numbers. “The old phrase, ‘Go West, young man’ has now turned to ‘Eastward ho’ for California’s young residents, recent immigrants and retirees as they spill into neighboring states. It may never again gain another congressional seat.”

Historically, the first center of population in 1790 resided in Kent County, Md., 23 miles east of Baltimore, the fulcrum between Pennsylvania and New York in the North and slave states in the South. It moved west through West Virginia amid the rise of steamboat travel and development of the nation’s first railroads in the 1820s.

The U.S. center stayed put in Indiana from 1890-1940, largely stalled by a wave of European immigrants to the Northeast and then the Great Depression. It made big strides in Illinois in the 1950s as California boomed and Alaska and Hawaii gained statehood, before taking on a southwesterly path.

Missouri has been at the U.S. center since 1980.

State officials are tentatively planning for a commemorative marker in Texas County or its vicinity. Texas County boasts 26,000 residents, with whites making up 92 percent of the population, compared with roughly 65 percent for the country. Blacks make up 3.3 percent and Hispanics 1.6 percent.

“I think it’s appropriate that people in the county get some recognition,” said Brad Gentry, 48, of Houston, Mo., who publishes the weekly paper in Texas County. “It’s primarily agriculture, and we have a lot of retirees. Despite a high rate of poverty, people are resilient and make things work — even if they are pretty disillusioned by the political process that has bogged down Washington.”

——

Online:

Census website: http://www.census.gov

First, Minnesota will not lose a district, so Michele Bachmann is safe. Sorry!

1. Steve King, R-Iowa

Iowa is projected to lose one seat, and while that won’t affect its stranglehold on the presidential nomination process, it might rid America of the one Iowa export even more offensive to thinking people than ethanol fuel. Steve King, proven by science to be the craziest congressman in the House, represents a sparsely populated but incredibly Republican district. No one would really miss the guy who was the sole vote against a plaque honoring the slaves who built the Capitol, right?

2 Jean Schmidt, R-Ohio

While it’s tempting to wish for John Boehner to go crying into that good night, Jean Schmidt is a complete nightmare of a person. Whether she’s discussing abortion with 6-year-olds, calling Jack Murtha a coward, or whispering sweet nothings to birthers, Jean Schmidt is easily Ohio’s worst representative. But Ohio’s losing two seats, so Boehner can go, too.

3. Aaron Schock, R-Ill.

Schock is America’s hottest and youngest member of Congress, and boy does this guy love to torture people! (We’d also be fine with losing idiot climate change denialist John Shimkus.)

4. Charles Boustany, R-La.

Louisiana’s set to lose a seat, and while no one in its delegation is even close to Steve King-level bad, Charles Boustany is on the record questioning whether the president was born in the United States. (He later retracted his statement. So he can get a pass and they can take Steve Scalise instead.)

5. Anthony Weiner, D-N.Y.

New York’s set to lose two seats. Peter King’s probably safe, so let’s just go with what would be the funniest outcome: a loss for ambitious attention-addict Anthony Weiner.

*(And the deck is already stacked against them. While the House is vastly more small-d democratic than the Senate, limits on its size and the fact that districts are generally designed to be “relatively compact” and “contiguous” means the system is broadly unfriendly to Democrats, who tend to cluster in urban areas and produce incredibly “safe” seats, while Republicans spread out and produce many more less-homogeneous but mostly Republican districts.)