SALON

Saturday, Feb 26, 2011 1:01 AM UTC

“Birdemic”: The magic of atrocious CGI, confirmed

"Birdemic" has become a cult hit among bad-movie fans. A new Blu-Ray release confirms the hype

By

Topics: Straight to DVD, Film Salon, Movies,

Still from Birdemic

I never thought that CGI could be as funny as that guy stumbling around Bronson Caverns in half a gorilla suit and a diving helmet in “The Robot Monster” or Ed Wood’s famous flying hubcaps from “Plan 9 from Outer Space.” But just as I thought it was safe to dismiss the unintentional comic potential of computer effects altogether, “Birdemic: Shock and Terror,” a film whose widely-mocked trailer went viral last year, has arrived to prove me utterly wrong with its scenes of clip-art turkey vultures badly matted over panicking vacationers. I never knew that bad CGI could be so good.

In fact, there’s a scene in “Birdemic” of a computer generated dead eagle on the beach that would’ve looked more realistic if the filmmakers had just taken a stuffed bird that they won at the San Mateo County Fair and splattered ketchup all over it. But unlike the thrown together Mega Pythons, Gatoroids and Sharktopi that come slithering out of Syfy almost every week, “Birdemic” dares to be a movie with a message. Just as Ed Wood thought that “Plan 9″ was picking up where the anti-nuke warnings of “The Day the Earth Stood Still” (1951) left off, writer/director/producer James Nguyen really believes that his “Birdemic” is the ultimate combination of Hitchcock and Al Gore. Not only did I think that CGI couldn’t be this funny, but I also never thought I’d see this kind of honest bad filmmaking ever again.

That honesty has paid off for Nguyen, earning his little flying turkey mention in the New York Times and Entertainment Weekly as well as a multi-city theatrical release that Kevin Smith is currently attempting to replicate with his religious splatter flick “Red State.” And now Severin Films is releasing “Birdemic” on Blu-ray, the higher definition accentuating a picture that’s always threatening to go out of focus. The audio, presented in Dolby 5.1 surround, isn’t done any favors either. “Birdemic” has some of the worst sound this side of “The Creeping Terror,” a 1964 monster mash with almost no synchronized sound whatsoever. I’m amazed at how the sound techs could generate this much hiss using digital equipment. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that they took a track of old analog tape hum and let it run through the entire picture.

But Nguyen isn’t all about technical competence or swooping raptors that burst into flames for no reason; he considers himself “The Master of the Romantic Thriller,” and has even trademarked the title to prove it. Nearly two-thirds of “Birdemic” is taken up by the deliberately paced romance of a Silicon Valley software salesman named Rod (Alan Bagh) and Natalie (Whitney Moore), a “sexy lingerie model.” While their courtship delivers a treasure trove of bad dialogue, none of the lines is a gut-buster when you rip it out of context. For Bagh and Moore it’s all in the delivery, which is akin to the copy of a bland personals ad being delivered by an automated voice messaging system.

After several dates where they spend an uncomfortable amount of time discussing financial planning, Rod and Natalie consummate their relationship with a trip to the annual Pumpkin Festival in Half Moon Bay, a costal suburb of San Francisco that makes for a misplaced tribute to Hitchcock’s “The Birds,” which takes place 95 miles north in Bodega Bay. Our feathered friends somehow hold themselves back from attacking the world’s largest gourd, and only wreak havoc the morning after Rod and Natalie engage in a long bout of hotel-room footsie. As the couple make their aimless escape from a bird-ravaged coast, they fall in with an ex-marine who keeps an arsenal in his dilapidated minivan.

Driving up the coast and shooting birds along the way, the survivors meet up with an ornithologist who says, “We must act more like astronauts and spacemen, taking care of our spaceship Earth,” as well as a hippie in an obvious wig who lives in a treehouse and lectures them on bark beetles and “this damned global warming.” The birds respectfully refrain from attacking during these educational interludes where Nguyen hurries to cram in as much of his environmental message as he can before he burns through the film’s entire $10,000 budget. No matter how much you may agree with Nguyen’s central premise, laughing through his heavy-handed and clunky delivery is one of “Birdemic’s” main attractions, but it’s worth noting that climate change may have delayed this very review. East Coast snowstorms kept all those Blu-discs of “Birdemic” trapped in a Georgia processing plant. “This damned global warming,” indeed.

 

Bob Calhoun is a California freelance writer who specializes in rock 'n' roll, martial arts and Hollywood stuntmen. More Bob Calhoun.

Next Article

Related Stories

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

The week in 10 pics

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
    Credit: AP/LM Otero

  • Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
    Credit: AP/Matt Rourke

  • A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
    Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher

  • Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
    Credit: AP/Molly Riley

  • Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
    Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite

  • Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
    Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster

  • O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
    Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid

  • Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
    Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield

  • When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
    Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin

  • A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
    Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

Comments

 18 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

vote
Paul Krugman’s right: Austerity kills. "In an economy where we’re all in the same boat, one person’s spending is another person’s income. So when the government cuts spending, it reduces people’s income, leading to less business, more unemployment, and a vicious spiral of slowing down the economy."
387 points388 points | 412 comments
vote
Paul Krugman’s right: Austerity kills -- radical cuts destroy economies and lives, and the honest numbers and economics keep proving it
183 points184 points | 27 comments
vote
Virginia state Sen. Mark Obenshain wants to send women to jail who don't report their miscarriages to the police
162 points163 points | 22 comments
vote
Corporate greed is poisoning America — literally
132 points133 points | 17 comments
vote
Facebook “like” on trial in Virginia
29 points30 points | 6 comments

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: So long, Sookie Stackhouse

Recommendations