2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Extras and stuntmen rejoice! Your lives may soon be safe again, as the troubled production of “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” may kick off director Julie Taymor before it’s done with previews.
To be fair, the show has had the longest preview run in history. According to a New York Times article today, the show has had 98 productions so far and is still not officially “open.” After the fall of a stuntman resulted in grievous internal injuries, broken ribs, and some safety citations, the least that Taymor, Bono and The Edge could do was make the show interesting. But it’s also apparently just a really crappy musical.
Now that Papa Bono has come to put his house in order (he’s had a pretty hands-off approach to the musical after coming up with the songs and dialogue, which may be part of the problem) he will be “very active” in talks with Taymor. This will either result in a) Getting more people on her creative team b) Hiring a co-directors or c) Firing the “Lion King” director altogether. Here’s five ways that :Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” would be different if Taymor left the production.
1.Spider-Man no longer flies through the air on wire, now just asks audience to close their eyes and use power of imagination.
2.Elaborate costumes now replaced with black shirt and jeans, sunglasses, and Irish accent.
3.Lead Spidey Reeve Carney continues to perform production like he’s giving a concert on “Good Morning America.”
4.To scale back costs on the most expensive Broadway production in history, “Spider-Man” will now be sharing a set with “Mary Poppin” and “Fat Pig.”
5. Company is now wooing second-time theater actor Zach Braff to join, promises to turn show into a “musical ‘Garden State.’”
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.