SALON

Monday, May 9, 2011 11:05 PM UTC

In defense of prudes

My generation has come out strong for sexual freedom. I just wish we better understood what that really means

By

Topics: Sex, Love and Sex,

In defense of prudes

At a neighborhood bar this weekend, a straight female friend of mine, having unfavorably sized up the romantic prospects in the room, implied that she wanted to kiss me. Ah yes, the old standby of my generation: The drunken girl-on-girl makeout. The suggestion wasn’t shocking but it wasn’t particularly appealing either, so I politely declined — and she exclaimed: “Oh my god, you’re such a prude!” It isn’t the first time I’ve been told that. A couple months earlier, I declined my roommate’s offer to show me her newly waxed vagina and she declared, “You’re the most prudish sex writer I’ve ever met!” Never mind that she hasn’t met any other sex writers; point taken.

It just so happens that as I’m personally coming to dread the “prude” insult, a debate has popped up over reclaiming the word “slut.” Last month in response to a Toronto police officer’s public remark that “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized,” nearly 3,000 protesters — many of them scantily dressed — staged a “SlutWalk.” A sister event was held Saturday in Boston, and there are countless other SlutWalks planned throughout the U.S. and around the world. The aim of the event (“to make a unified statement about sexual assault and victims’ rights and to demand respect for all”) is totally admirable. It also carries on the sensibility of ’90s riot grrl activism. That’s why, when I see the photos of young women taking to the streets in bustiers and fishnets, I think: Hell yes.

But I also have zero interest in participating. I’m tired of the polarizing rhetoric: Are you a prude or a slut? You know what, I’m neither. I understand the concept of re-appropriating slurs, and that many people find it freeing and empowering. Also, political discourse doesn’t exactly lend itself to nuance and subtlety, so shocking slogans can be tremendously effective. On a personal level, though, this kind of reactive language can feel awfully limiting. I’m not a political caricature, and neither is my sexuality.

That brings me to my recent experiences of being called the dreaded p-word. It’s hardly the first epithet you would expect to be thrown at someone who has written in defense of all sorts of sexual expression — from one-night stands to the aforementioned drunken girl-on-girl makeouts. For (mostly) journalistic purposes, I’ve visited strip joints, sex clubs and adult film sets. Usually, instead of feeling like I have to prove my perv credentials, I’m trying to fight against the stereotype of the exhibitionistic sex writer or apologizing for being the person at the party who derails polite conversation to talk about what Internet porn reveals about human sexuality.

I’m too sexual — except for when I’m not sexual enough. Those are the classic oppositional forces that women face. A couple of years ago, I wrote an essay titled, “In defense of casual sex” and now I’m publishing a piece titled “In defense of prudes”; these arguments aren’t in conflict. What I’m calling for is authentic sexual expression and exploration, whatever its form. So while it’s kick-ass that so many women are proudly calling themselves sluts, I’d also like to defend the prudes, and those of us who would rather toss out those reductive categories altogether. The conversation really starts to get interesting when you say: I’m not a prude, but I’m not a slut; I’m ____.

Tracy Clark-Flory

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow @tracyclarkflory on Twitter and Facebook. More Tracy Clark-Flory.

Next Article

You Might Also Like

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

Gripping photos: The people of the Turkey protests (slideshow)

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • The protests take on a festive element as police forces move out of the park and square. Wearing a gas mask, this young man dances to traditional Turkish music in front of Taksim Square’s Ataturk Monument.

  • In Gezi Park since March 31st, this protester, originally caught off-guard by the Government’s teargas and water cannons, went out and bought a Russian army mask from WWII, preparing for what was to come.

  • This rambunctious boy seems to be enjoying the chaos. After taking this picture he threw a stone at the already destroyed building in the background.

  • Forming a line, the police face off directly with protesters in Taksim Square. After a while, they retreated and there was a general cheer – a back-and-forth dance that has been common since the beginning of this protest.

  • An elderly woman in Gezi Park reads the news. The tent community occupying the park was violently destroyed on June 16th.

  • Many different groups had set up booths to promote their cause in Taksim Square and Gezi Park. Standing in front of one, this man waves his flag while posing with conviction.

  • Many home-remedies are used to minimize the effects of tear gas. This woman has put a milky solution on her face, removing her mask after the tear gas dissipated. Before sunrise, the police came again for another round of teargasing.

  • People capitalize on the uprising -- selling flags, beer, gas masks, sky lanterns and spray paint to name just a few of the popular items.

  • On Monday morning, June 11, the police execute a strong offensive. Many plain-clothed police officers, like the ones seen here, clash with protesters in the side streets away from the main stand-off in Taksim.

  • The authorities seem to be most aggressive in the night, pushing protesters away from the square and park. After being teargassed this young woman catches her breath with other protesters on Siraselviler Street.

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

More Related Stories

Comments

 77 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: "We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves": Growing up primate

Recommendations