SALON

Wednesday, May 18, 2011 3:02 PM UTC

Schwarzenegger and Shriver’s new tangled family

The former governor's betrayal goes beyond infidelity. How will the pair move forward, with children in the mix?

By

Topics: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Infidelity,

Schwarzenegger and Shriver's new tangled familyFILE - In this file photo taken Friday, Jan. 5, 2007, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger kisses his wife, Maria Shriver, after taking his oath of office in Sacramento, Calif, .The couple announced their separation Monday, May 9, 2011. (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez, File)(Credit: AP)

A marital breakup tends to be a painfully grim time. But when there’s a secret child, we’re pretty much off the charts on the “things that can go wrong in a relationship” scale. So spare a measure of sympathy today for Maria Shriver and all of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s progeny, because they both got surprise families this week.

A breach of fidelity is agonizing under any circumstances. But if you’re Dean Sheremet and your wife just ran off with Eddie Cibrian, you can choose to never be in the same room with LeAnn Rimes again. If you’re Shania Twain and your husband’s been putting it to your assistant, it’s more complicated — you’ve got to figure out how to be decent, for the rest of your life, to the father of your son. But like the late Elizabeth Edwards, Maria Shriver, the woman who famously lobbied on behalf of her husband’s trustworthiness after a slew of sexual bombshells eight years ago, is now dealing not just with her husband’s stark public admission of philandering, but also with the fact that her four children have a new sibling.

The idea that your spouse could be intimate with someone else — or, if your husband is Tiger Woods, everyone else — is hard. But the idea that your mate could do something as life-changing, as profound as having a child with someone else and keep the event unacknowledged, is downright mind-boggling. Shriver tersely said this week, “This is a painful and heartbreaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal.” She allegedly was unaware of the child until recently; Schwarzenegger has stated that “After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago.”

By “this event,” by the way, he means he had a child. A human being who is in the world because of him. That’s not just boning the help here. That’s not an “event.” That’s a lifetime connection, however involved you ever chose to be or not to be, or however long it’s taken to acknowledge it.

Sadly for Schwarzenegger’s former lover and her offspring, they now bear the stigma of being known as his “other” family. Reporters have been eager to leap on the story of Schwarzenegger’s “love child,” a term that’s outdated enough to be blatantly offensive — although it still trumps the pathetically commonplace “illegitimate.”  And in their zeal to uncover every shred of tawdry detail, outlets like Gawker, TMZ and Radar have been rushing to identify not just the woman but the kid, in a privacy-ravaging frenzy wracked with speculation and misinformation.

Meanwhile, Schwarzenegger’s “legitimate” children have been understandably taciturn since the news broke. Seventeen-year-old Patrick tweeted, “some days you feel like shit, some days you want to quit and just be normal for a bit, yet i love my family till death do us apart. #family (and, interestingly, changed his profile last name to “Shriver”). And his 21-year-old sister, Katherine, tweeted, “This is definitely not easy but I appreciate your love and support as i begin to heal and move forward in life. I will always love my family!”

For Patrick and Katherine and Maria Shriver’s other two children, as for Schwarzenegger’s former lover and her child, the term “family” has now just changed radically. It just got bigger and messier and more complicated. The “events” the man at the center of the story participated in years ago aren’t frozen in the past. They live on in his children — all of them. Elizabeth Edwards may have once flippantly said of John’s daughter by Rielle Hunter, “That would be a part of John’s life, but not a part of mine. I can’t see any upside to making it a part of my life,” but your children’s father is a part of your life, always. And he and his children from other relationships are sure as hell connected to your kids’ lives.  Marriages may end, but as Schwarzenegger’s son Patrick knows, family is till death do you part. And those Schwarzenegger family Christmases and Thanksgivings are never going to be the same.

Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedub. More Mary Elizabeth Williams.

You Might Also Like

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

7 motorist-friendly camping sites

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 9

Sponsored Post

  • White River National Forest via Lower Crystal Lake, Colorado
    For those OK with the mainstream, White River Forest welcomes more than 10 million visitors a year, making it the most-visited recreation forest in the nation. But don’t hate it for being beautiful; it’s got substance, too. The forest boasts 8 wilderness areas, 2,500 miles of trail, 1,900 miles of winding service system roads, and 12 ski resorts (should your snow shredders fit the trunk space). If ice isn’t your thing: take the tire-friendly Flat Tops Trail Scenic Byway — 82 miles connecting the towns of Meeker and Yampa, half of which is unpaved for you road rebels.
    fs.usda.gov/whiteriveryou


    Image credit: Getty

  • Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forest via Noontootla Creek, Georgia
    Boasting 10 wildernesses, 430 miles of trail and 1,367 miles of trout-filled stream, this Georgia forest is hailed as a camper’s paradise. Try driving the Ridge and Valley Scenic Byway, which saw Civil War battles fought. If the tall peaks make your engine tremble, opt for the relatively flat Oconee National Forest, which offers smaller hills and an easy trail to the ghost town of Scull Shoals. Scaredy-cats can opt for John’s Mountain Overlook, which leads to twin waterfalls for the sensitive sightseer in you.
    fs.usda.gov/conf


    Image credit: flickr/chattoconeenf

  • Nordhouse Dunes Wilderness Area via Green Road, Michigan
    The only national forest in Lower Michigan, the Huron-Mainstee spans nearly 1 million acres of public land. Outside the requisite lush habitat for fish and wildlife on display, the Nordhouse Dunes Wilderness Area is among the biggest hooks for visitors: offering beach camping with shores pounded by big, cerulean surf. Splash in some rum and you just might think you were in the Caribbean.
    fs.usda.gov/hmnf


    Image credit: umich.edu

  • Canaan Mountain via Backcountry Canaan Loop Road, West Virginia
    A favorite hailed by outdoorsman and author Johnny Molloy as some of the best high-country car camping sites anywhere in the country, you don’t have to go far to get away. Travel 20 miles west of Dolly Sods (among the busiest in the East) to find the Canaan Backcountry (for more quiet and peace). Those willing to leave the car for a bit and foot it would be remiss to neglect day-hiking the White Rim Rocks, Table Rock Overlook, or the rim at Blackwater River Gorge.
    fs.usda.gov/mnf


    Image credit: Getty

  • Mt. Rogers NRA via Hurricane Creek Road, North Carolina
    Most know it as the highest country they’ll see from North Carolina to New Hampshire. What they may not know? Car campers can get the same grand experience for less hassle. Drop the 50-pound backpacks and take the highway to the high country by stopping anywhere on the twisting (hence the name) Hurricane Road for access to a 15-mile loop that boasts the best of the grassy balds. It’s the road less travelled, and the high one, at that.
    fs.usda.gov/gwj


    Image credit: wikipedia.org

  • Long Key State Park via the Overseas Highway, Florida
    Hiking can get old; sometimes you’d rather paddle. For a weekend getaway of the coastal variety and quieter version of the Florida Keys that’s no less luxe, stick your head in the sand (and ocean, if snorkeling’s your thing) at any of Long Key’s 60 sites. Canoes and kayaks are aplenty, as are the hot showers and electric power source amenities. Think of it as the getaway from the typical getaway.
    floridastateparks.org/longkey/default.cfm


    Image credit: floridastateparks.org

  • Grand Canyon National Park via Crazy Jug Point, Arizona
    You didn’t think we’d neglect one of the world’s most famous national parks, did you? Nor would we dare lead you astray with one of the busiest parts of the park. With the Colorado River still within view of this cliff-edge site, Crazy Jug is a carside camper’s refuge from the troops of tourists. Find easy access to the Bill Hall Trail less than a mile from camp, and descend to get a peek at the volcanic Mt. Trumbull. (Fear not: It’s about as active as your typical lazy Sunday in front of the tube, if not more peaceful.)
    fs.usda.gov/kaibab


    Image credit: flickr/Irish Typepad

  • As the go-to (weekend) getaway car for fiscally conscious field trips with friends, the 2013 MINI Convertible is your campground racer of choice, allowing you and up to three of your co-pilots to take in all the beauty of nature high and low. And with a fuel efficiency that won’t leave you in the latter, you won’t have to worry about being left stranded (or awkwardly asking to go halfsies on gas expenses).


    Image credit: miniusa.com

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 9

Related Videos

Comments

 30 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

vote
Let's Stop Screwing Around and Impeach James Clapper: After lying to Congress about all the different ways the NSA's spying on us, Director of National Intelligence James Clapper lies about how he lied. Call the White House at 202 456-1111 and Tell Obama to Get Rid of Clapper
492 points493 points | 24 comments
vote
Let's Stop Screwing Around and Impeach James Clapper: After lying to Congress about all the different ways the NSA's spying on us, Director of National Intelligence James Clapper lies about how he lied. Call the White House at 202 456-1111 and Tell Obama to Get Rid of Clapper
389 points390 points | 30 comments
vote
Yes, there is a better search engine (1998)
89 points90 points | 26 comments
vote
Machiavelli doesn’t belong to the 1 percent | "The Prince" is oft-quoted on Wall Street, but its author was a hero of the working class who despised elites
93 points94 points | 33 comments
vote
Let's Stop Screwing Around and Impeach James Clapper: After lying to Congress about all the different ways the NSA's spying on us, Director of National Intelligence James Clapper lies about how he lied. Call the White House at 202 456-1111 and Tell Obama to Get Rid of Clapper
85 points86 points | 9 comments

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: "The Joker": Laughing at life's deepest sorrows