Fiction
“Walking to Hollywood”: An implausible “memoir”
The bad-boy author's irreverent and unclassifiable new book takes a magical tour of three pathologies
If neorealist gloom-puss Michelangelo Antonioni had directed “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” from a script by J. G. Ballard, S. J. Perelman, and Jean Baudrillard, starring Scooby Doo, the Marx Brothers, Laura Harring, and the ghost of Orson Welles, the result might very well have approximated Will Self’s latest offering, “Walking to Hollywood,” which the author bills in a footnote as an “implausibly reconstructed memoir.” (Readers seeking something similar are well advised to try Rudy Rucker’s “Saucer Wisdom.”)
Am I committing an outrageous cinematic comparison here? A preposterous, lunatic metaphor strained beyond belief? Excellent, then! My crime proves I am fully in tune with Self’s gnomic, gnostic Grand Guignol. Surreal, scurrilous, solipsistic, sarcastic, and sardonic, Self’s newest bit of unclassifiable literature continues his career-long carpet-bombing of contemporary culture’s most heinous aspects, sparing no one, including the author himself.
I first read Self nearly 20 years ago, with the appearance of his debut, “Cock and Bull.” Its two novellas, both centering around aberrant human somatypes, to phrase the matter delicately, displayed a vivid visual imagination; a reckless take-no-prisoners, Seal Team 6 approach to narrative; and a chilly, fleering assessment of the human condition. Imagine a British Michel Houellebecq, yet not frigid and remote: a quintessentially Anglo jester possessed of a rubber chicken filled with bile and a squirting lapel flower charged with cat pee.
Self set out as he meant to continue, and in subsequent novels and stories, whether dealing with simian role reversal (“Great Apes”) or the banality of the afterlife (“How the Dead Live”) or the allure of drugs (“The Rock of Crack as Big as the Ritz”), the author magnificently expanded his range, plotting, verbal dexterity, and list of targets, while retaining his essential attitude and message. Life is a mug’s game, leavened infrequently by small redemptive moments. The mass of mankind are brutish, self-centered trolls, prone to trampling upon the sensitive few. The best of us are self-deluded, the worst self-righteous. A dry, cutting wit and a studied indifference to cruel fate are the best defenses against the malignity of the cosmos.
Needless to say, a receptive reader has to align himself at least partially with this Weltanschauung to relish Self’s fiction. You cannot appreciate one of his books if you are going in expecting Toni Morrison, Margaret Atwood, or even Salman Rushdie — three writers in fact who take a brutal drubbing in “Walking to Hollywood.” But assuming you are the sort of reader who thinks that Twain’s “Letters From the Earth” and Ben Hecht’s “Fantazius Mallare” should be a mandatory part of the curriculum in primary schools across the nation, then you will certainly chortle with pleasure and wince with recognition at the exploits of “Will Self” in “Hollywood.”
This tripartite book is, as Self comments in a brief afterword, a magical mystery tour across the psycho-spatial terrain of three pathologies: obsessive-compulsive disorder for “Very Little,” psychosis for “Walking to Hollywood,” and Alzheimer’s for “Spurn Head.” The tenuously but provocatively interrelated adventures all revolve around a shape-shifting protagonist who shares much of Self’s biography and CV.
“Very Little” chronicles the career of Sherman Oaks, dwarf and world-famous sculptor, whose sole theme is his own distorted body, writ large in massive public monuments. Oaks’ obsession with aggrandizement and self-promotion can be seen as emblematic of the megalomaniacal paradigm inflicted upon creators in this postmodern age, where a steady stream of tweets and Facebook posts are necessary to confirm one’s worth and inform the world at large of one’s irreplaceable genius. Boyhood chums, Oaks and Self have entered middle age as demanding monster and dubious acolyte. But in Los Angeles, as Self begins to undergo mental deterioration, Oaks’ unwavering confidence and ego durability serve as a life preserver — until the artist himself evaporates in a manner reminiscent of Tyrone Slothrop’s in “Gravity’s Rainbow.”
This occurrence triggers the next installment, the generous meat of the narrative sandwich, “Walking to Hollywood.” We begin again in London, as Self consults with his loony psychiatrist, Dr. Zack Busner, before voyaging to California, where his various neuroses and delusional behaviors will have free rein to exfoliate in a Lewis Carroll wonderland. Self swaps identities with the actors “playing him” in an imaginary documentary about hiking through the L.A. urban landscape: David Thewlis and Pete Postlethwaite. Layered onto the documentary conceit is another, that Self is secretly conducting a noirish investigation into “who killed film.”
This quest manifests itself hallucinatorily as every person Self meets, from clerk to bum, is secretly played by a famous actor. The writer’s bizarre peregrinations across the blasted media landscape — evoking the real-world long walks he has recounted in more sober journalistic essays — eventually lead to an implosion of primal forces, blasting Self back to London — where in an interview with his alternate mental health expert, Shiva Mukti, he dissembles and conceals his temporarily quiescent insanity.
Self’s targets, especially in the middle section, are manifold and eclectic. With the Hollywood theme of course come many potshots at inane actors, directors, studios, producers, scripters, and moviegoers. To some degree, this is like shooting neon tetra in a martini glass. There remains little fresh to satirize in the already hyperbolic cinematic milieu since, perhaps, the heyday of Nathanael West. As mentioned, Self also works over his fellow pretentious litterateurs pretty savagely. Toni Morrison and Salman Rushdie turn up as filthy, indigent street people, while Margaret Atwood comes in for some ribald off-color fantasies relating to her silly remote-autographing invention, “the Long Pen.”
Self’s Los Angeles is saturated with science fiction. His reality-tripping echoes Philip K. Dick, of course, and “Blade Runner” is specifically invoked. He reserves his most savage loathing for SF theocratic scammer L. Ron Hubbard and the Scientologists. A scene of Self and L. Ron dancing an aerial pas de deux before a worshipful audience is merely the start of the mockery.
But the object of Self’s most savage barbs is always himself. “You were a spotty brat jerking off over Ornella Mutti in the London burbs. Then you grew up and began writing your dismal [expletive deleted] tales — a depressive’s exercise in wish fulfillment.” At the seaside in the final chapter, Self confronts the carcass of a dead seal. “All the anger and the nihilism, all the alienation and disgust, all the friendships neglected and lovers abandoned, all the children abused and neglected, all the trans-generational misery of a row that had continued decade upon decade, sustained by senseless bickering, all the oily repulsion that kept me from them was crammed into the gap between my palms and the pup’s flanks.” It’s a moment of sour satori — Self keeps a Buddhist motif going throughout — that harks back to William Burroughs’ explanation for his phrase “naked lunch”: “a frozen moment when everyone sees what is on the end of every fork.”
Only an unflinching and wild-eyed vivisectionist of our dead souls such as Will Self could couch his coroner’s report in such precise yet exotic language.
50 shades of Shutterstock
Slide show: Everyone's favorite light-bondage bestseller illustrated by inexplicable stock photography SLIDE SHOW
This week, for roughly the millionth time, E.L. James’ romance-bondage trilogy “50 Shades” nabs the No. 1, 2 and 3 spots on the New York Times bestseller lists. We don’t get it either. Every page of that book, which famously began as “Twilight” fan fiction, elicits a sigh of confusion and weird secondary embarrassment. The question is: Who would read this? (The answer is: Apparently everyone.) It’s the same baffled, helpless feeling we get when we sort through stock photos on a daily basis. Stock photos – which have been the subject of recent outstanding Internet satire – are used by this site, and many others, to illustrate our flood of content. Many are plain and simple, but a good portion are flat-out mind-blowing. Why did anyone think that photo was a good idea? It only made sense to join these forces. And so, we present to you passages from the most head-scratching bestseller of our time, illustrated with the assistance of inexplicable stock photography.
Megaphone by Natalie Bakopoulos
Miracles happen, even in an Athens crippled by a garbage strike, to a young mother unsure of her ability to love
(Credit: iStockphoto/caracterdesign) It’s the third week of the garbage strike and Athens has begun to smell. Bright-colored trash bags fill the curbs and alleyways, and we have learned to step over the rubbish and avoid the blocks that had become unnavigable. We know which stretches are particularly foul — a stretch along Mavili Square, or the entire top end of Monastiraki. Odos Athinas is a sea of trash, and Omonia is ghastly but we don’t go there anyway. May has gone from unseasonably cool to raging hot, and the garbage seems to be melting. In front of the museum it’s like yet another installation project. When I arrive each morning I want to wretch.
Continue Reading CloseNatalie Bakopoulos's first novel, "The Green Shore," will be published by Simon & Schuster in June 2012. Her work has appeared in Tin House, Ninth Letter, Granta Online, and The O. Henry Prize Stories 2010, and she is a contributing editor for the online journal Fiction Writers Review. More Natalie Bakopoulos.
Almost by Chris Pavone
She never thought of herself as ambitious, until motherhood and career collided in one horrifying hospital ride
(Credit: iStockphoto/caracterdesign) It’s just before dawn when Isabel puts the final page down on the fat stack of paper that sits on the rumpled bedspread, next to an overflowing crystal ashtray and a crumpled soft-pack of cigarettes. She’d tried Wellbutrin and Xanax; she’d used patches and gum. In the end, the only thing that made her quit smoking was being pregnant.
But then, after everything, she couldn’t help but start up again. At first it was just a single cigarette per day, or two. Then it became a few, and within months she was back to full-throttle. Over the past couple of years, she’s tried to quit a few times, but not seriously. She anticipates — she accepts — failure. Because she doesn’t want to quit, not really. She wants instead to try, and fail.
Continue Reading CloseMemorial Day fiction: Are we there yet?
Salon exclusive: At the start of the summer fiction season, new stories from Chris Pavone and Natalie Bakopoulos
(Credit: iStockphoto/caracterdesign) “Are we there yet?”
It’s a dreaded sentence. When it’s spoken by an anxious child from the back seat, it’s enough to make stressed-out parents wish they’d never taken a family vacation in the first place. And even if it’s delivered as a sing-songy punch line, from an impatient partner or spouse on a long road trip, it’s an irritating eye-roller of a joke.
So this Memorial Day weekend — the unofficial start of the summer vacation season, and therefore the summer fiction season — we asked two novelists to reclaim the sentence in a new and adult context. For our latest fiction project, there was only one simple rule: Each story had to include the line “Are we there yet?” in a fresh and surprising way.
Continue Reading CloseDavid Daley is the senior culture editor of Salon. More David Daley.
“Frankenstein” remixed
This masterful new adaptation of Mary Shelley's classic novel may be the best interactive fiction yet
Whatever interactive fiction is (and we’re still figuring that out) it suffers from all the problems of traditional fiction and then some. The vast majority of novels and short stories aren’t much good, but when a branching fiction — along the lines of the old “Choose Your Own Adventure” children’s books — fails to engage, the first impulse is to blame the form rather than the content. Let “Frankenstein,” just released by Inkle Studios and Profile Books, serve as a reproach to that reflex. The app is a creative, subtle and sensitive adaptation of Mary Shelley’s classic novella, and it has singlehandedly renewed this critic’s hopes for interactive fiction.
Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.com. More Laura Miller.
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