SALON

Saturday, May 28, 2011 3:01 PM UTC

The other new “Thor” movie

"Thor: Tales of Asgard" doesn't have Natalie Portman or shirtless beefcake shots -- but it's still worth watching

By

Topics: Straight to DVD, Film Salon, Movies,

The other new

The new “Thor: Tales of Asgard” animated DVD may be the first film to need a “spoiler alert” warning label stuck onto its cover. The plot of this movie is nearly identical to director Kenneth Branagh’s blockbuster take on the comic book Thunder God, which goes a long way in explaining why Marvel and Lionsgate released this effort nearly two weeks after the live-action “Thor” hit theaters. The usual protocol for these budget cartoons is to get them onto shelves sometime before the big summer movie so Marvel can introduce any superheroes who aren’t Spider-Man, the Hulk or Wolverine to those kids who don’t read comics, but do pester their parents into buying DVDs while on family shopping trips to Target.

Just like in the movie that you either rushed to see or are avoiding entirely, in “Tales of Asgard” young Thor heads off to the realm of the Frost Giants with Loki and the Warriors Three in tow and sparks an inter-dimensional incident. In both films, this totally pisses off Odin, Thor’s gray-bearded buzzkill all-father who’s always going on about diplomacy and restraint like he’s John Kerry or something. This time around, however, Thor isn’t out to launch a preemptive strike with faulty intelligence. He’s only after the flaming sword of Surtur the Fire Demon so he can impress his dad. Odin also doesn’t send Thor to Earth to teach him humility, leaving Thor and his pals tasked with getting the hell out of Jotunheim while being pursued by Frost Giants that are way burlier than those skinny Orc-like things from the theatrical “Thor.”

The Frost Giants also ride around on mastodons and polar bears in “Tales of Asgard,” which may be the coolest thing ever. I liked Branagh’s “Thor” a lot, but he would’ve made the best damned movie since “Star Wars” if he’d just sprung for a couple of woolly mammoths. For fans of the comic books, Hogun the Grim is rendered with the right amount of brooding here, unlike Tadanobu Asano’s decidedly un-grim Hogun from the movie, and Valorous Volstagg has the ponderous bulk we’ve come to expect of him. Also, Heimdall, the guardian of the Rainbow Bridge, is plenty white in this cartoon, which is sure to warm the hateful hearts of the white supremacists that got their sheets in a twist over Branagh’s casting of Idris Elba (Stringer Bell from “The Wire”) in the role in his version.

The animation here is a bit choppier than previous Marvel-Lionsgate collaborations such as “Planet Hulk” (2010) and “Hulk Vs.” (2009). “Tales of Asgard” also doesn’t pack as much punch as that pair of aforementioned DVD releases where the Hulk smashes plenty of aliens in an intergalactic arena or slugs it out with a full-grown, hammer-swinging Thor. Instead, “Tales of Asgard” has a bit too much family drama going on, and Odin loses a lot of his godliness when we see him asking his pointy-eared advisor for parenting advice. If you only saw the live-action “Thor” to gaze dreamily into Natalie Portman’s brown eyes or to drool over Chris Hemsworth’s bod, “Tales of Asgard” has nothing for you. If you have a kid who just can’t get enough of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s reinterpretation of the Norse mythos, this might tide your child over in between trips to the multiplex. But whatever you do, don’t watch it if you have any intention of seeing the new “Thor” movie, because “Tales of Asgard” is a spoiler with a 77-minute runtime.

Bob Calhoun is a California freelance writer who specializes in rock 'n' roll, martial arts and Hollywood stuntmen. More Bob Calhoun.

Next Article

Related Stories

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

The week in 10 pics

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
    Credit: AP/LM Otero

  • Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
    Credit: AP/Matt Rourke

  • A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
    Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher

  • Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
    Credit: AP/Molly Riley

  • Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
    Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite

  • Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
    Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster

  • O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
    Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid

  • Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
    Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield

  • When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
    Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin

  • A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
    Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

Comments

 9 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: So long, Sookie Stackhouse

Recommendations