SALON

Monday, Jun 20, 2011 7:21 PM UTC

The haiku of Sad Keanu

The "Matrix" star has come out with his first tongue-in-cheek ode to depression. Next up: Poetry?

By

Topics: Fan Fiction, Celebrity, Books,

The haiku of Sad KeanuActor Keanu Reeves attends a news conference to promote the film "Henry's Crime" during the 35th Toronto International Film Festival, September 14, 2010. REUTERS/Fred Thornhill (CANADA - Tags: ENTERTAINMENT) (Credit: © Fred Thornhill / Reuters)

Guys! We all missed National “Cheer Up Keanu” Day, the one time of year we take Sad Keanu (or as my dad says, Key-nu) Reeves and try to make him happy again. How could this happen?

It’s hard to believe now that the “Sad Keanu” phenomenon wasn’t a marketing stunt to sell Keanu’s new book, “Ode to Happiness,” which just so happens to be tongue-in-cheek emo observations from Neo himself. “Happiness” seems more clever and cerebral than I usually give Keanu credit for — one page reads “I draw a hot sorrow bath” and on the following, “In my despair room” — and since it was written by a celebrity and doubles as an art book by Alexandra Grant, it’s retailing for $55 a pop. That should make him happy.

But Keanu plans to extend his role as an author to another book, this time of poetry. As he told the Guardian:

“I’m considering another idea I call Haikus of Hope. Basically like, ‘I want to kill myself’, and go from there. Going into such a dark place that you can somehow surprisingly find the light at the end of the tunnel — but a nice end of the tunnel. Not the end of the tunnel.”

Thanks for clarifying the tunnel difference. Luckily we got our hands on an upcoming copy of the actor’s new poetry* and want to give our readers the first glimpse into Keanu haiku. Because, Keanu, the plural of haiku is just “haiku.”

- – - – -

Life’s bogus journey

Will often reap no rewards

Like doing Shakespeare

- – - – -

Bleeding out my eye

The pain is unbearable

Watching “The Lake House”

- – - – -

It is so dark here

What is the absence of light?

Wait, just blinked too long

- – - – -

Ponder a muffin

Why does it make me so sad?

My low blood sugar

- – - – -

Will never escape

From the shadow of Neo

Must stop saying “Whoa.”

- – - – -

*No we didn’t.

Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrew. More Drew Grant.

Next Article

Related Stories

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

The week in 10 pics

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
    Credit: AP/LM Otero

  • Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
    Credit: AP/Matt Rourke

  • A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
    Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher

  • Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
    Credit: AP/Molly Riley

  • Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
    Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite

  • Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
    Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster

  • O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
    Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid

  • Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
    Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield

  • When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
    Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin

  • A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
    Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

Comments

 16 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: So long, Sookie Stackhouse

Recommendations