The "Matrix" star has come out with his first tongue-in-cheek ode to depression. Next up: Poetry?
Guys! We all missed National “Cheer Up Keanu” Day, the one time of year we take Sad Keanu (or as my dad says, Key-nu) Reeves and try to make him happy again. How could this happen?
It’s hard to believe now that the “Sad Keanu” phenomenon wasn’t a marketing stunt to sell Keanu’s new book, “Ode to Happiness,” which just so happens to be tongue-in-cheek emo observations from Neo himself. “Happiness” seems more clever and cerebral than I usually give Keanu credit for — one page reads “I draw a hot sorrow bath” and on the following, “In my despair room” — and since it was written by a celebrity and doubles as an art book by Alexandra Grant, it’s retailing for $55 a pop. That should make him happy.
But Keanu plans to extend his role as an author to another book, this time of poetry. As he told the Guardian:
“I’m considering another idea I call Haikus of Hope. Basically like, ‘I want to kill myself’, and go from there. Going into such a dark place that you can somehow surprisingly find the light at the end of the tunnel — but a nice end of the tunnel. Not the end of the tunnel.”
Thanks for clarifying the tunnel difference. Luckily we got our hands on an upcoming copy of the actor’s new poetry* and want to give our readers the first glimpse into Keanu haiku. Because, Keanu, the plural of haiku is just “haiku.”
- – - – -
Life’s bogus journey
Will often reap no rewards
Like doing Shakespeare
- – - – -
Bleeding out my eye
The pain is unbearable
Watching “The Lake House”
- – - – -
It is so dark here
What is the absence of light?
Wait, just blinked too long
- – - – -
Ponder a muffin
Why does it make me so sad?
My low blood sugar
- – - – -
Will never escape
From the shadow of Neo
Must stop saying “Whoa.”
- – - – -
*No we didn’t.
More Related Stories
- Ai Weiwei releases heavy metal music video
- Actually, Beyoncé is a feminist
- Marc Maron and Michael Ian Black's epic Twitter battle
- Cannes: Directing 101 with James Franco
- Welcome to the jungle: The definitive oral history of '80s metal
- Burt Bacharach opens up on daughter's suicide
- Steven Spielberg to produce "Halo" television series
- Amazon set to launch fine-art gallery
- Twitter torches Dan Brown's "Inferno"
- Brad Pitt keeps breaking his silence on how boring marriage to Jennifer Aniston was
- Lars von Trier's "Nymphomaniac" to use porn star body doubles
- New Beyoncé single leaked
- The sweet, sure to be short-lived "The Goodwin Games"
- Damon Lindelof admits barely-clothed scene in "Star Trek" was "gratuitous"
- Justin Timberlake: I'm a mediocre folk singer!
- Ray Manzarek, founding member of The Doors, dies at 74
- Beware of book blurbs
- Did a Salon excerpt ruin Penn Jillette's chance to win "Celebrity Apprentice"?
- Zach Galifianakis to take formerly homeless woman to "Hangover 3" premiere
- Seth MacFarlane will not host Oscars again
- "SNL's" uncomfortable Garner/Affleck moment
Featured Slide Shows
The week in 10 picsclose X
- 1 of 11
Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
Credit: AP/LM Otero
Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
Credit: AP/Matt Rourke
A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher
Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
Credit: AP/Molly Riley
Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite
Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster
O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid
Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield
When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin
A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin
Recent Slide Shows
- 1 of 11