SALON

Friday, Jun 24, 2011 3:01 PM UTC

The lost chapters of “Harry Potter”

Fan fiction: J.K. Rowling introduces her audience to never-before-seen chapters of her work

By

Topics: Fan Fiction, Fiction, Harry Potter, Movies,

The lost chapters of "Harry Potter" for the superfans.

This week, J.K. Rowling announced that her new site Pottermore.com would be a portal for a sort of extended “Harry Potter” universe, with new information about the books’ characters. We’re guessing that means that it will include some of the “Harry Potter” chapters that didn’t actually make it into the final book. Luckily, I majored in Potter fan fiction in college, so I’m pretty confident that at least one of the following scenarios will end up on Pottermore’s website. Enjoy!

___________________________________________________________

Albus Dumbledore looked down his long, white beard at the latest applicant for the teaching position at Hogwarts.

“So, Miss Winterloon, you’ve seen our grounds and our games of Quidditch. You’ve explored or grounds. Your resume is quite impressive. Do you have any questions for us?”

Miss Winterloon did in fact have a few questions. A few questions regarding this boarding school’s benefit plans. Even after Albus had patiently explained to her that there was no need for a healthcare provider when Madam Pomfrey could do a healing spell on anything from Brackium Emendo to Vulnera Sanentur, she hadn’t heard anything about dental coverage yet. In fact, the only thing even mentioned about these kid’s hygiene seemed to come in the form of a Densaugeo spell. Which might be great when defending against enemies whose teeth you needed to grow at an alarming rate, but wasn’t going to do fuck-all when it came to that molar cavity she needed filled.

“Look,” Dumbledore said, “If you’d like, we have a Flex Plan on the Slytherin account, which allows you to roll over any unused magic potions to a new year.”

“Does this plan expand to my dependants?” asked Winterloon, her raven black hair rustling behind her.

“No, unfortunately under our current plan, only the students’ can be claimed as dependants, and then only by their Muggle guardians. Here, let me get you the paperwork…”

_______________________________________________________

“Wait, can you back up for a second?” asked the Bloody Baron. Peeves the poltergeist merely shrugged and went about beating old women with canes and socks full of chalk.

“No, I’m serious Peeves, did you ever thought that children should not be so chill around us? I mean, put in another context and we could be Wes Craven’s next terrible movie concept.”

Perry’s eyes lit up, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking, bro?”

“Totally. Let’s go ‘Paranormal Activity’ the hell out of the girl’s lavatories.”

_________________________________________________________

“Look,” said Voldermort to the dark-eyed, beautiful witch that stood before him. “I really like you Bellatrix, but…”

“But what? As a friend? We are over fifty Voldy, please do not give me this teen angst, ‘Twilight-y’ bullshit. We had an Unbreakable Vow, you bastard.”

“Yeah about that…”

And so it began. The parting was not easy. It seemed so strange to Bellatrix that even a high witch such as herself, one who was so accrued to bringing others pain and suffering, could still feel cut so deeply when that freak without a nose had a serpent drop off her collection of Charles Mingus and Cat Stevens vinyl at Azkaban without even a Confundo spell attached to help her forget. This was one Unforgivable Curse you wouldn’t find in the Dark Arts section on your local library.

And to think, she had ever gotten that stupid Dark Mark tattoo on her arm, because she wanted to fit in with all of his other Death Eater friends…

_________________________________________________________

“You know,” Harry Potter said to Ron, “I never thought I’d say this, but lying here with you is the safest I’ve ever felt.” The wizard snuggled into his ginger-haired companion’s shoulder, feeling the fine tickling of Ron’s chest hair and the regular heartbeat of his dear friend.

“Hey there, big guy,” Ron lifted Harry’s chin up with one finger until the two young Hogwarts’ students were staring each other straight in the eye. “Right back at you.”

Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrew. More Drew Grant.

Next Article

Related Stories

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

The week in 10 pics

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
    Credit: AP/LM Otero

  • Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
    Credit: AP/Matt Rourke

  • A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
    Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher

  • Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
    Credit: AP/Molly Riley

  • Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
    Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite

  • Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
    Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster

  • O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
    Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid

  • Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
    Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield

  • When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
    Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin

  • A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
    Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

Comments

 12 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

vote
Journalists file suit against Manning's trial secrecy: Plaintiffs including Glenn Greenwald and Julian Assange demand press, public access to trial and documents
168 points169 points | comment
vote
Kaitlyn Hunt refuses plea offer, will go to court over high school relationship - The 18-year-old rejected a deal that would have labeled her a sex offender and placed her under house arrest
163 points164 points | 90 comments
vote
Kaitlyn Hunt refuses plea offer, will go to court over high school relationship - The 18-year-old rejected a deal that would have labeled her a sex offender and placed her under house arrest
157 points158 points | 99 comments
vote
Report: Nearly a quarter of Americans struggle to afford food
143 points144 points | 13 comments
vote
Ted Cruz against the world - How the Junior Senator is igniting the GOP civil war
81 points82 points | 21 comments

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: Chekhov's story mirrors Russia's own

Recommendations