This week we're on the fence about: Slave Leia costumes, Lindsay Lohan in "Black Swan," Emmy nods and angry pandas
The phrase “slow news week” is a cheap, lazy way of saying, “We couldn’t be bothered to find any good stories.” But it has been a slow culture week: I think even Billy Bush is ready to put the gun in his mouth at this point. A lot of celebrities just had kids, so that’s always news for a day or two. Some other ladies are pregnant. Monkey marriages are being hotly contested in India. Harry Potter? Bastille Day? And that’s about it!
Luckily (or not), turning over the giant boulder of the week exposed some weird-looking specimens. All it took was a little digging. Enjoy them … or not!
1. Lindsay Lohan pissed she didn’t get a role in “Black Swan”: It’s hard to sympathize with someone complaining about losing out on an Oscar-winning part to an actress who wasn’t on house arrest.
2. Katie Holmes already saving maternity clothes for Suri Cruise: Also, her 5-year-old will “probably be an actress,” and will bow down to Xenu. Totally normal parental expectations.
3. Hugh Grant still taking credit for bringing down Murdoch’s paper: Yo, Hugh. You can get down off that cross now, we all still remember why News of the World was interested in you in the first place.
5. Brad and Angelina are getting married … or not: I thought they were waiting until gay marriage was legalized everywhere? Maybe now that it’s legalized in New York, they can be one step closer to thinking about maybe doing it.
6. Netflix is going to raise its prices and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it: This is what you get for putting your local movie store out of business because it was just so convenient to have movies mailed to you. Now you’ve created a monster with a(n almost) monopoly on rentals, and you’ll pay that 60 percent increase because what else can you do? I’m sure there is an allegory here about Netflix being “too big to fail” … but I have to wait till that movie is up on Instant Queue to find out what it is. (I was planning to read the book, but it turns out buying it would cost the same as a month of Netflix.)
7. … Or possibly Netflix is about to go under: This bold move could backfire terribly, as the company gets sucked dry by bad partnerships and subscribers plummet. Quick, everyone go to Apple TV or Amazon and start streaming stuff, stat! There’s going to be a run on the movie streaming centers, and it will be like the Great Movie Depression all over again! (Just saw “Too Big to Fail” with HBO on the Go and now I totally have my Netflix analogue in order.)
8. The contentious Emmy nominations: Totally called it with Peter Dinklage getting a nod for the critical darling “Game of Thrones,” but the committee’s total lack off recognition for “Community” (you’re telling me that Dan Harmon’s comedy isn’t as good as “Degrassi” this season??) has sparked a war that will only end once Sean Bean or Chevy Chase’s head is on a spike.
9. Women at Comic-Con: Next week is San Diego’s comic book/fantasy/sci-fi/franchise festival, and it’s about time the convention sponsors made a PSA for those of us who were still planning to show up as Slave Leia this year.
10. Workweek-defining pandas: You don’t even know how many hours this panda has logged this week on the Johnson case, and now you’re telling him that Johnson’s been dropped as a client? And you forgot to cc him on the memo? That’s just great.
We can all relate to this panda, can’t we?
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Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
Credit: AP/LM Otero
Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
Credit: AP/Matt Rourke
A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher
Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
Credit: AP/Molly Riley
Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite
Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster
O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid
Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield
When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin
A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin
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