SALON

Tuesday, Jan 31, 2012 5:10 PM UTC

A desperate housewife becomes “miracle” mom

Nevertheless, Marcia Cross doesn't want to be a role model for 40-something parents -- and shouldn't have to be

By

Topics: Motherhood, Desperate Housewives, Fertility,

A desperate housewife becomes (Credit: Reuters/Mario Anzuoni)

You don’t expect a woman who’s gained fame as a Desperate Housewife to be a role model. But the woman who has played the tightly wound Bree Van de Kamp would just like to clarify that, in her off hours, she is not about to be “the poster girl for older mothers.” In a frank new interview in the British women’s magazine Easy Living, the actress, who turns 50 in March, discusses the twin daughters she conceived at age 44 and advises, “Your forties is not the time to be thinking about getting pregnant.”

Cross began in vitro fertilization treatments “a week after” getting married in 2006 and, unlike plenty of would-be moms her age, conceived easily. But the pregnancy itself proved a tougher ride, as she found herself on bed rest in the midst of her shooting schedule, developed preeclampsia, and delivered daughters Eden and Savannah four weeks early via emergency C-section. So when asked about how it feels to be a beacon of hope to other aspiring 40-something parents, it’s no wonder that Cross says, “Are you kidding? It’s a miracle I have these two daughters.”

We live in a world where marriage and children simply don’t always drop into a lady’s lap at a conveniently fecund juncture. We also, for the lucky, healthy and well-insured, now have ever improving odds-boosters in the realms of fertility treatments and prenatal care. Is it any surprise that the number of women having children in their 40s has  increased a whopping eight-fold in the last four decades? The technological options are seemingly endless. Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance are the parents of twins they had via a surrogate when Bassett was 45. Annie Leibovitz gave birth to her eldest child when she was 51, and had twins via a surrogate four years later.

But just because you might be able to have a baby while your peers are having hot flashes, does that mean it’s a great idea? In a provocative cover story last fall, New York magazine pondered whether reproductive science has gone too far, granting motherhood to women far beyond the natural span of their childbearing years. The response to the story – and the tales of couples enduring multiple rounds of IVF, of the risks to mother and child, and the implied rich-chick privilege of outfoxing the clock – was so strong that commenters are still hashing it out four months later. And just this past Friday, Dr. Oz devoted an entire show to the question “How Old Is Too Old to Have Kids?” Doctors debated the issue, pointing out both the ever improving possibilities for safe, healthy pregnancies for older women while also laying out the stark realities of the physical and financial toll of later age motherhood. For every Marcia Cross, who makes it through a bumpy pregnancy and can now say, “It worked out and I love being a mother,” there are women like the reproductively prolific 45-year-old Michelle Duggar, whose last child, Josie, was born premature at only 1 lb. 6 oz. Last month, Duggar lost another child five months into her pregnancy.

Motherhood isn’t something that a whole lot of women capriciously decided to give a go at 45, like they’re taking up Zumba classes. Deferred parenthood often comes as the result of life circumstance and the caprices of fertility. Yet the cold, hard truth is that the dream of parenthood doesn’t always come true for everybody. And that the possibilities for pain, loss and heartbreak tend to rise as the number of eggs decline. Biology can only be defied just so much. The odds get slimmer every month, and the world gets less kind about your choices and efforts.

But a few days ago, an over-40 pair of friends finally welcomed a long-hoped-for baby. Looking at photographs of the weary, elated face of the mom and the proud, awed new father holding, at last, his beautiful son, I remembered how much they’d endured to bring him into the world. I doubt they’d want to be anybody’s poster children, either. But I know they’d say it was all worth it.

Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedub. More Mary Elizabeth Williams.

Next Article

Related Stories

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

The week in 10 pics

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
    Credit: AP/LM Otero

  • Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
    Credit: AP/Matt Rourke

  • A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
    Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher

  • Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
    Credit: AP/Molly Riley

  • Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
    Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite

  • Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
    Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster

  • O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
    Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid

  • Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
    Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield

  • When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
    Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin

  • A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
    Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

Comments

 20 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

vote
Journalists file suit against Manning's trial secrecy: Plaintiffs including Glenn Greenwald and Julian Assange demand press, public access to trial and documents
156 points157 points | comment
vote
Kaitlyn Hunt refuses plea offer, will go to court over high school relationship - The 18-year-old rejected a deal that would have labeled her a sex offender and placed her under house arrest
136 points137 points | 95 comments
vote
Report: Nearly a quarter of Americans struggle to afford food
136 points137 points | 12 comments
vote
Kaitlyn Hunt refuses plea offer, will go to court over high school relationship - The 18-year-old rejected a deal that would have labeled her a sex offender and placed her under house arrest
127 points128 points | 43 comments
vote
Ted Cruz against the world - How the Junior Senator is igniting the GOP civil war
77 points78 points | 19 comments

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: Chekhov's story mirrors Russia's own

Recommendations