SALON

Wednesday, May 23, 2012 12:00 AM UTC

My friend calls Obama a monkey

What am I supposed to say to this dude? What's his problem?

By

Topics: Since You Asked, Racism, Barack Obama,

My friend calls Obama a monkey (Credit: Zach Trenholm/Salon)

Dear Cary,

I have a friend that cannot speak about the president of the United States without using the word “monkey” or “chimpanzee.”

There have been presidents I was not thrilled about, but certainly I would not stoop to this.

This individual is well-off, has a degree and is considerate about most other topics.

What the HELL is his problem?

Thanks Cary,

Bewildered

Dear Bewildered,

Your friend’s problem is that he is a racist.

It’s not nice to label people. A racist may be an excellent builder of miniature racing-car models. He may be a good whistler.

But he’s still a racist. Being a racist is stupid and repugnant. What’s worse, it can spread. It’s each person’s job to not be a racist.

He can stop being a racist. You can help. You can tell him that while he may have certain racist thoughts, he can stop being a racist by not voicing any of these thoughts ever under any circumstances.

Maybe that would lead to some positive personal change. Or maybe he would give you a hurt, bewildered look of confusion and self-pity that makes you want to punch him.

Don’t punch him. That won’t help.

Well, it might help a little. It might temporarily curb his outward expressions of racism. But I’m against hitting people even as a gift of enlightenment.

Just tell him that being a racist is not cool anywhere in the United States of America or in Europe or Asia or Africa or North America or South America or Australia or Antarctica. which pretty much means the whole world, all the continents, plus the open oceans and in outer space also. Racism is not cool even in outer space or on other planets. It’s not cool, period. It’s not cool anywhere, not in public or in private. It’s one of those things that you just want to get rid of completely and be done with.

Tell your friend that the next time he says some kind of racist remark like that, that you’re terminating all contact with him.

Now, everyone has a shadow self that embodies the repressed. We all have our share of unvoiced hatred and fear, irrational beliefs, strange, criminal impulses. Thoughts come into our heads that we must censor because to voice them would disturb others.

We may have sexual fantasies about our friends’ wives or husbands, or their sisters or brothers or their children; we might have taboo curiosities. We may find ourselves imagining elaborate ways to connect physically that involve hydraulics, servo motors, pulleys and latex.

Some of us have so many of these thoughts that we move to San Francisco.

But let’s not complicate the issue.

Also, there are rumored to exist tiny protected intellectual zones where people have advanced degrees in things you never heard of and special vocabularies come into use in a specialized context, where you can say things that have several layers and degrees of irony and are understood in sophisticated ways that you couldn’t explain to your friend even if you understood them yourself, which you’re not going to.

That’s different.

There is also weird humor which unless you’re Sarah Silverman, don’t try that either. It’s too advanced for you.

And don’t get on your high horse and pretend there are degrees, that racism exists on a continuum. There are no degrees. There is no continuum.

Racism is bad. It’s evil. Nobody should be voicing racist thoughts.

If your friend keeps it up, just totally, radically de-friend him. Become his special not-friend.

Be done with it. It’s that simple.

Cary Tennis

Cary Tennis writes Salon's advice column and leads writing workshops and retreats.

  • Send me a letter! Ask for advice!
    • Letter writers please note: By sending a letter to advice@salon.com, you are giving Salon permission to publish it. Once you submit it, it may not be possible to rescind it. So be sure.
Amsterdam Workshops More Cary Tennis.

Next Article

You Might Also Like

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

Gripping photos: The people of the Turkey protests (slideshow)

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • The protests take on a festive element as police forces move out of the park and square. Wearing a gas mask, this young man dances to traditional Turkish music in front of Taksim Square’s Ataturk Monument.

  • In Gezi Park since March 31st, this protester, originally caught off-guard by the Government’s teargas and water cannons, went out and bought a Russian army mask from WWII, preparing for what was to come.

  • This rambunctious boy seems to be enjoying the chaos. After taking this picture he threw a stone at the already destroyed building in the background.

  • Forming a line, the police face off directly with protesters in Taksim Square. After a while, they retreated and there was a general cheer – a back-and-forth dance that has been common since the beginning of this protest.

  • An elderly woman in Gezi Park reads the news. The tent community occupying the park was violently destroyed on June 16th.

  • Many different groups had set up booths to promote their cause in Taksim Square and Gezi Park. Standing in front of one, this man waves his flag while posing with conviction.

  • Many home-remedies are used to minimize the effects of tear gas. This woman has put a milky solution on her face, removing her mask after the tear gas dissipated. Before sunrise, the police came again for another round of teargasing.

  • People capitalize on the uprising -- selling flags, beer, gas masks, sky lanterns and spray paint to name just a few of the popular items.

  • On Monday morning, June 11, the police execute a strong offensive. Many plain-clothed police officers, like the ones seen here, clash with protesters in the side streets away from the main stand-off in Taksim.

  • The authorities seem to be most aggressive in the night, pushing protesters away from the square and park. After being teargassed this young woman catches her breath with other protesters on Siraselviler Street.

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

More Related Stories

Comments

 117 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

vote
Check out the full Bank of America whistleblower details (affidavits) "Read former staff describe getting Target gift cards as a prize for foreclosing on people, and other awful schemes"
369 points370 points | 16 comments
vote
The full Bank of America whistleblower details (affidavits)
321 points322 points | 7 comments
vote
Study: Young people are more liberal than they think they are.
63 points64 points | 22 comments
vote
How cash secretly rules surveillance policy: Today's congressional hearing was a joke. The reason: Firms like Booz Allen bankroll and own Congress. Here's how
42 points43 points | 6 comments
vote
The internal war between House Oversight Committee chair Darrell Issa and ranking Democrat Elijah Cummings blew up again Tuesday, when Cummings released the full transcript of a five-hour interview with the conservative Republican IRS screening manager.
39 points40 points | 6 comments

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: "We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves": Growing up primate

Recommendations