The hottest new video game includes disgraced CIA director as defense secretary. What's next for modern warfare?
Everyone’s been there. You’re watching TV, and you get sucked into what appears to be a movie trailer for a new action thriller. Navy SEALs are taking out a terrorist in some war-torn third-world nation. Explosions! Gore! High-tech wizardry!
A couple of seconds later you realize you’ve been hornswoggled by yet another commercial for a new first-person-shooter combat game. You were fooled because the graphics were so goddamned realistic.
But I’ll bet you didn’t know just how realistic modern video games strive to be. Or what a chore it is to keep up with the ever-changing military state-of-the-art.
In the latest installment in Activision’s hugely successful “Call of Duty” video game series, “Black Ops 2,” released on Monday at midnight, the secretary of defense is a guy named David Petraeus. That might have been a reasonable assumption, as recently as a week ago. But now it’s ancient history. Might as well have Ulysses S. Grant running the show.
Two weeks ago, seven Navy SEALs were officially reprimanded for improperly revealing classified information to the makers of “Medal of Honor: Warfighter,” released on Oct. 23. It was bad news all around — despite the inside info, the game was a huge flop.
The life-meets-smart-bomb-video-game mashup world has provoked some interesting speculation as to what must included in the next round to keep up with a military that appears to spend more time sexting than hunting down al-Qaida. Joshua Trevino, one-time founder of the conservative blog Red State, joked on Twitter that “Modern Warfare 4 set to include entire level emailing married women.”
Also sure to be included:
- Find the compromising jpeg of the four-star general in bed with a journalist and unlock the secret “Generals Gone Wild” porn level.
- FBI vs. CIA old-school rock-’em, sock-’em throwdown. Forget about all that high-tech weaponry. Let’s throw a couple of agents from the rival intelligence forces into a ring, dress ‘em up in spandex, and watch them settle their beef WWF-style!
- Play in Biographer mode. Extra health and ammo for every military officer you can get detailing his (or her!) sexual fantasy in a personal Gmail account.
Any other suggestions?
More Related Stories
- Is the Environmental Defense Fund ruining environmentalism?
- Developers evict historic women's shelter to build luxury hotel
- 3 possible solutions to international tax avoidance
- David Vitter's hypocritical, punitive, horrible new amendment
- No women allowed: Summer music festivals are dudefests, again
- Democrats may be even worse than Republicans at regulating Wall Street
- There's no substitute for government disaster relief
- Billionaire hedge funder: Babies, breast-feeding "kill" focus, keep women from succeeding
- "Bookless library" set to open in Texas
- Greek yogurt, toxic waste hazard?
- Incoming BBC news director on journalism gender gap: "We can do better"
- Illegal construction, shoddy materials at fault in Bangladesh factory disaster
- Destroying the planet for record profits
- Lawsuit alleges anti-gay hiring practices at ExxonMobil
- The Maker kids are alright
- Portland's senseless war on fluoride
- Is Pittsburgh the next Portland?
- "Original Coca-Cola had a very small amount of cocaine"
- Justin Bieber will destroy you if you live-tweet his parties
- Corporations accused of wrongdoing win battle to keep identities secret
- Wall Street firm's "Golden Pitchbook" is totally sexist, full of lies
Featured Slide Shows
The week in 10 picsclose X
- 1 of 11
Credit: AP/LM Otero
Credit: AP/Matt Rourke
Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher
Credit: AP/Molly Riley
Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite
Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster
Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid
Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield
Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin
Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin
Recent Slide Shows
- 1 of 11