SALON

Tuesday, Mar 19, 2013 12:00 AM UTC

Did they have sex or not?

Him on top of her on the bed in his boxer shorts drunk at 6 a.m. but he says nothing happened

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Topics: Since You Asked, relationships, English, English Composition, Literacy, Sex,

Did they have sex or not? (Credit: Zach Trenholm/Salon)

Hi me and my partner split up for 2days i found out he went to a house party and got very drunk there was a girl there 6 months pregant and they kissed alit during the house party and landed up in bed he said nothing happened as he was very sick and been sick on his clothes and had to take them off with just his boxers on she told me he got on top of her but was to force ful so she didnt do anytjing but she has changed her story twice.they was in bed from 6am untill 9am and hes saying they just slept this has been on my mind for 2 years i just want to know the truth i think there both lying could u help me please

x

Dear x,

Let me recap. A couple of years ago, you and your partner split up for two days. During that time he went to a house party and got drunk. There was a young woman there who was six months pregnant. Your partner and she started kissing and went somewhere where there was a bed and got on the bed. She says he got on top of her but was too forceful so she refused to do anything other than what they had already been doing. He says he had to take his clothes off because he had vomited on them. He was on top of her in his boxers because of his vomit-stained clothes, and she was six months pregnant and didn’t want to do anything because he was being too forceful. So they did certain things the exact nature of which is unknown and stayed in bed together for three hours from 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. That is the general situation.

You believe they are both lying. This has bothered you for two years. You want my help. I wasn’t there and I don’t know any of these people but you want my help.

OK. I will try to help you. The way I will try to help you is to suggest that you enroll in a school course to learn how to write a good English sentence. Don’t get mad at me. I’m not making fun of you. You asked me for help and I can’t tell you what happened because I wasn’t there but I can tell you one thing you could do to improve your life. You could learn to write grammatical, correctly spelled sentences in English.

You need to learn to write a good English sentence or you are going to have a tough time in life.

Obviously you have intelligence because you have read the column on Salon. You have good intuition. You can tell when things don’t add up. Perhaps you have read other things on Salon. Perhaps you know something about inequality in America. You may already have been affected by aspects of this inequality. For instance, you may have received a substandard education and not even know it. You may know that things are unequal and unfair in America and that this unfairness has a historical basis in racism and this may fester somewhere in your heart but you may not have yet acquired the tools to sort it all out and express it. You could do that. You could learn how to express yourself eloquently and it could change your life. You need to learn to write a good English sentence so that other people will listen to you and believe you.

Find a course to take. If you are in school contact someone and see about such a course. If you are not in school then look for a community college or continuing education or a private class of some kind.

This may require you to venture outside of what we so charmingly call your “comfort zone.” Being outside your comfort zone may make you angry. It may make you want to punch people or talk to them rudely but you are going to have to put up with that and do whatever is required to take this course so you can learn to write a good English sentence.

Studying will require that you find a quiet place to concentrate. Take inventory of your living situation and your time commitments and write on a calendar the times you have to work or do other things and see where you have free time that is your own.

That is the free time you will use to study.

You can do this. I hope you do. It will help.

Cary Tennis

Cary Tennis writes Salon's advice column and leads writing workshops and retreats.

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