2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Scouring the depths of YouTube, we’ve found 10 educational film reels from the 1940s and 1950s. These videos teach viewers everything from table manners and sportsmanship to even the benefits of popularity.
Granted, the films attempt to accomplish these lessons using horrible actors, unbelievable dialogue, and terribly outdated social constructs. But that’s a small price to pay, however, for the skill of being able to write a much better “social letter.”
1) How to choose a date
Forget browsing OKCupid or stalking Facebook relationship statuses. Learn how to ask a girl out over the phone, with proper punctuality and by “leaving your boyfriend with enough money so he will ask you out again.”
2) How to be well-groomed
Forget mimicking style blogs or “Outfit of the Day” photos. Learn from siblings Don and Sue such lessons as “pressing” your clothes, the best shade of nail polish to use (“Sue avoids red nail polish because it would call attention to her stubby fingers”), and the importance of taking a bath, which the narrator calls a “good daily habit.”
3) How to act your age
Forget the behavior of redditors and YouTube commenters. Learn from well-groomed troublemaker Jim and his school principal about the “problem of growing up” and the cons of showing off to gain attention. You’ll also learn how to bottle up your frustration right before asking a janitor to borrow his penknife.
4) How to better use your leisure time
Forget passing your time with endless Internet browsing. Learn from Ken Michaels—and historical variations of his father—about how to reduce your moping, spy on your friends, and acquiring skills that can “help you socially,” like playing the piano. We all know that at parties everyone gravitates to the piano player in the room.
5) How to have better table manners
Forget wolfing down Chinese take-out in front of the TV. Learn from Chuck—and his future self, who still prefers to wear ugly Christmas sweaters—the importance of behaving at the dinner table. Tips include how to “park your fork” on the plate when you are done eating.
6) How to be popular
Forget basing your self-worth on your Facebook friend count or number of Twitter followers. Learn from high school student Carolyn that truepopularity is based on a good combination of “appearance and personality.” Do not learn from Jenny, the student who “parks in cars with the boys at night.”
7) How to drive a truck
Forget passively operating your milk delivery truck, expecting other drivers to yield to your bad decisions! Learn all the rules of the road, such as proper passing, shifting, and giving the “right a’ way,” with a series of still photos taken from the driver’s perspective. Apparently, using a circa-1950s camera while driving is A-OK. Remember your goal: drive safely so that you “don’t have to dynamite your brakes.”
8) How to write better letters
Forget emailing and texting. Learn from a pair of siblings the differences between letter styles and how to craft the perfect thank-you note. After all, you wouldn’t want your aunt and uncle to look at your letter and remark, “I do hope Nora enjoyed her visit here; it’s pretty hard to tell from her letter.”
9) How to have good sportsmanship
Forget showing off and temporary anger, whether you’re on the field or not. Learn from students Bill and Joe—and a series of silhouettes—how to share, lose gracefully, and not to smack your kid sister over the head.
10) How to get around
Forget clicking your way through Google Street View. Learn from actress Gale Storm (yes, seriously) and her family how to wisely pack luggage, ask for directions, and using your wristwatch as a compass.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.