The best of Vine porn

It may be difficult to find adult material on the app, but it's there alright -- and some of it doesn't suck

Topics: Pornography, Sex, Love and Sex, porn,

The best of Vine porn

You guys are pervs — and I mean that in the most complimentary of ways. Thanks to you, my piece “The best of Tumblr porn” has been sitting on Salon’s most-read list for more than two months. Well, guess what happens when you vote with your clicks like that? We metrics-obsessed content producers listen. The people demand more porn!

This time, I set out with a tougher challenge in mind: finding porn on Vine. That alone is difficult enough, thanks to the app’s efforts to rein in adult content to meet the puritanical standards of the iTunes App Store. Even more trying is attempting to find good porn on Vine. Do you have any idea how many disembodied penises and context-free money shots I had to see to compile this list? It’s like they’ve assigned Anthony Weiner as creative director over there.

Luckily, there are a few exceptions. Depending on your perspective on commercial smut, it is either surprising or entirely expected that most of these come from inside the porn industry. Given Vine’s crackdown, many of these six-second videos feature only brief nudity and very little action (at the same time, it’s amazing that some of this stuff passes the censors). They’re imaginative and quirky, playful and downright weird. Is it just me or does that make them hotter?

1) #VeryShortFilmFest

Inspired by the censoring of Vine, the online magazine Animal New York threw a competition for the best NC-17 clip and conveniently collected the submissions under one tag: #veryshortfilmfest. It’s a motley bunch — there is a series of moody naked close-ups, a woman sexily eating a cookie, a collage of overlaid orgy images in which the nudity is barely discernible (reminds me of trying to watch scrambled porn as a kid) and even one that amounts to a virtual “Joy of Sex” flip-book. The winner of the contest: a person in a lion costume masturbating while growling. You know, to each their own.

2) Jiz Lee



Gender queer porn star Jiz Lee’s Vine feed is full of nudity-infused stop-go animation, behind-the-porn-scenes clips and Hitachi Magic Wand test videos. Sexiest of all: six seconds of rumpled bed sheets accompanied by a woman’s moans.

3) Jessie Andrews

Jessie Andrews, who won the Best Actress award at last year’s Adult Video News Awards, shares a lot of clips of random party scenes (she’s a DJ, after all) — but she does throw in the occasional behind-the-scenes clip, naked selfie and masturbation video. Plus, charmingly odd scenes like this.

4) James Deen

Sure, the adult industry’s so-called “boy next door” is over-hyped — especially now that he’s in a “porn star power couple.” But the man is delightfully weird and a lover of social media, which is a potent combo when it comes to Vine. His feed has some oddities — for example, him providing a voiceover for a pair of Pound Puppies stuffed animals — but every once in a while there’s something like this super-NSFW clip, a sexy collage of moving images that demands to be un-muted. And lucky for you, it plays on repeat by default.

5) Conner Habib

When gay porn star Conner Habib isn’t performing, he can be found tweeting up a storm, blogging about growing up gay in “small-town Pennsylvania” and posting videos to Vine. There are jock straps, bare butts and games of naked Twister. Occasionally, he tosses in a behind-the-scenes clip or straight-up porn footage. My favorite, though, is captioned: “Four naked porn stars describe the movie Date Night.” Genius.

Tracy Clark-Flory

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow @tracyclarkflory on Twitter and Facebook.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 22
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Talking Heads, 1977
    This was their first weekend as a foursome at CBGB’s, after adding Jerry Harrison, before they started recording the LP “Talking Heads: 77.”

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Patti Smith, Bowery 1976
    Patti lit up by the Bowery streetlights. I tapped her on the shoulder, asked if I could do a picture, took two shots and everyone went back to what they were doing. 1/4 second at f/5.6 no tripod.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Blondie, 1977
    This was taken at the Punk Magazine Benefit show. According to Chris Stein (seated, on slide guitar), they were playing “Little Red Rooster.”

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    No Wave Punks, Bowery Summer 1978
    They were sitting just like this when I walked out of CBGB's. Me: “Don’t move” They didn’t. L to R: Harold Paris, Kristian Hoffman, Diego Cortez, Anya Phillips, Lydia Lunch, James Chance, Jim Sclavunos, Bradley Field, Liz Seidman.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Richard Hell + Bob Quine, 1978
    Richard Hell and the Voidoids, playing CBGB's in 1978, with Richard’s peerless guitar player Robert Quine. Sorely missed, Quine died in 2004.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Bathroom, 1977
    This photograph of mine was used to create the “replica” CBGB's bathroom in the Punk Couture show last summer at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. So I got into the Met with a bathroom photo.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Stiv Bators + Divine, 1978
    Stiv Bators, Divine and the Dead Boys at the Blitz Benefit show for injured Dead Boys drummer Johnny Blitz.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Ramones, 1977
    “The kids are all hopped up and ready to go…” View from the unique "side stage" at CBGB's that you had to walk past to get to the basement bathrooms.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Klaus Nomi, Christopher Parker, Jim Jarmusch – Bowery 1978
    Jarmusch was still in film school, Parker was starring in Jim’s first film "Permanent Vacation" and Klaus just appeared out of nowhere.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Hilly Kristal, Bowery 1977
    When I used to show people this picture of owner Hilly Kristal, they would ask me “Why did you photograph that guy? He’s not a punk!” Now they know why. None of these pictures would have existed without Hilly Kristal.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Dictators, Bowery 1976
    Handsome Dick Manitoba of the Dictators with his girlfriend Jody. I took this shot as a thank you for him returning the wallet I’d lost the night before at CBGB's. He doesn’t like that I tell people he returned it with everything in it.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Alex Chilton, Bowery 1977
    We were on the median strip on the Bowery shooting what became a 45 single sleeve for Alex’s “Bangkok.” A drop of rain landed on the camera lens by accident. Definitely a lucky night!

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Bowery view, 1977
    The view from across the Bowery in the summer of 1977.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Ramones, 1977 – never before printed
    I loved shooting The Ramones. They would play two sets a night, four nights a week at CBGB's, and I’d be there for all of them. This shot is notable for Johnny playing a Strat, rather than his usual Mosrite. Maybe he’d just broken a string. Love that hair.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Richard Hell, Bowery 1977 – never before printed
    Richard exiting CBGB's with his guitar at 4am, about to step into a Bowery rainstorm. I’ve always printed the shots of him in the rain, but this one is a real standout to me now.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Patti Smith + Ronnie Spector, 1979
    May 24th – Bob Dylan Birthday show – Patti “invited” everyone at that night’s Palladium show on 14th Street down to CBGB's to celebrate Bob Dylan’s birthday. Here, Patti and Ronnie are doing “Be My Baby.”

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Legs McNeil, 1977
    Legs, ready for his close-up, near the front door of CBGB's.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Suicide, 1977
    Rev and Alan Vega – I thought Alan was going to hit me with that chain. This was the Punk Magazine Benefit show.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Ian Hunter and Fans, outside bathroom
    I always think of “All the Young Dudes” when I look at this shot. These fans had caught Ian Hunter in the CBGB's basement outside the bathrooms, and I just stepped in to record the moment.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Tommy Ramone, 1977
    Only at CBGB's could I have gotten this shot of Tommy Ramone seen through Johnny Ramones legs.

    Once upon a time on the Bowery

    Bowery 4am, 1977
    End of the night garbage run. Time to go home.

  • Recent Slide Shows

Comments

Loading Comments...