2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
The big news on Thursday was the announcement that CBS has decided who it wants to succeed David Letterman as the host of “Late Show” after the legendary host steps down in 2015: current Comedy Central late-night host Stephen Colbert.
While many people responded to the news with pleasure and excitement, right-wing talk-radio king Rush Limbaugh was quick to offer his two cents, saying that Colbert’s hiring was a declaration of war on the American “heartland” by CBS.
And as a perusal of the right-wing Twitter community shows, Limbaugh was hardly the only conservative to greet Colbert’s promotion with anger and dismay. Indeed, the sentiment on the right in response to the news can be summarized like so: Stephen Colbert’s being chosen to succeed David Letterman shows that liberal media bias is real. And, also too, Colbert’s not funny, anyway.
Here are a few examples of what we mean:
Colbert is a character actor. Not a Letterman host.— Dana Loesch (@DLoesch) April 10, 2014
CBS just hired a guy who is already on Late Night and regularly beaten by Adult Swim in viewers. This is about culture, not ratings.— John Nolte (@NolteNC) April 10, 2014
Leftist elites love Colbert. He gets fewer than a million viewers. #juggernaut— John Nolte (@NolteNC) April 10, 2014
Can't wait for more Colbert "Ching Chong ding dong" jokes. Haha, just kidding! Or was I? Psych! I was totes being ironic. LOL. Not. /sarc— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) April 10, 2014
So, is it true that some anti-Asian racist is going to take over the late night show that everyone forgot was on the air?— Bob Owens (@bob_owens) April 10, 2014
I shouldn’t say this out loud but I kind of judge people older than 23 or so who think Colbert/Stewart are funny/insightful— Mollie (@MZHemingway) April 10, 2014
Also find it weird that Jon Stewart wasn’t the more obvious pick. Unlike Colbert, Jon is not a character & does actual intvws. #LateShow— Ben Howe (@BenHowe) April 10, 2014
Bad to worse. Complete lameness. RT @dsilverman: Re: Colbert replacing Letterman. Welp, that was fast.— Melissa Clouthier (@MelissaTweets) April 10, 2014
What's funny is that Colbert's schtick is only funny when he can act a part to mock conservatives. Good luck, bro— JustinGreen∞ (@JGreenDC) April 10, 2014
Breitbart’s Ben Shapiro was especially upset, rattling off three anti-Colbert tweets:
Colbert? Really? Why not just wait until President Obama is out of office and hire him to replace Letterman directly?— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) April 10, 2014
So late night is now "Slow Jam With Obama" Fallon and "Reality Has A Well-Known Liberal Bias" Colbert. Spectacular. http://t.co/uiry895UM6— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) April 10, 2014
In search of an even more niche audience, CBS has now hired a Comedy Central host doing an impersonation of a Fox News personality.— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) April 10, 2014
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.