2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Stephen Colbert detects just a hint of irony in the conservative media’s treatment of the thousands of Central American children crossing the U.S. border, which goes something like this: “This is a clear humanitarian crisis, and I want to be clear about something: I am a human. I am not a monster. And I care for these kids so very publicly.”
“They’re not all vicious killers,” Colbert’s characterization of conservatives’ thinly veiled xenophobic hysteria continued. “Some of them are merely filthy disease characters.” Others, of course, are summer campers, and Colbert couldn’t resist going after Arizona state Rep. Adam Kwasman, who chased down a YMCA bus under the mistaken assumption that it contained child migrants.
“I for one never trust campers,” Colbert admitted. “Think about it: They’re sent to remote locations, where they are trained to use deadly weapons so they can capture our flags.”
As for Fox News’ Laura Ingraham’s insistance that she “love[s] the Latin American people”? “It’s a tough love,” Colbert explained, “or a very soft hate.”
“But remember the old saying: ‘If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, send heavily armed troops to scare it away.’”
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Lindsay Abrams is a staff writer at Salon, reporting on all things sustainable. Follow her on Twitter @readingirl, email email@example.com.More Lindsay Abrams.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.