Cities without landmarks
Niagara Falls, U.S./Canada
I had a feeling that Jonah Falcon really wanted me to see his penis. Before we even set up our interview, the 44-year-old, who is recognized as the most well-endowed man in the world, asked me by email, “Did you need candid pics of me?” Perhaps he meant a photo of his face, but there was … a certain undercurrent. How could there not be with a man famous for having 13.5-inch-long penis when erect? A penis as wide as his wrist?
Then, during our phone interview, he asked whether I had seen a photo of it yet. When I told him that I hadn’t, he emailed me a link to several photos of his penis while we were still on the phone. Moments later, he interrupted our conversation to ask whether I’d gotten the email yet. It seemed he wanted to hear my reaction over the phone.
This was not surprising. Ever since his appearance in the 1999 documentary “Private Dicks: Men Exposed,” Falcon and his schlong have courted fame. What did surprise me was that his exhibitionism coexisted with a seeming malaise toward penis fame. He was most animated when I asked him things not about his genitals, like his favorite music and actors. Most questions elicited only brief answers from him. I could hear a television or radio blaring in the background, which I imagined him to be much more interested in. He had just gotten home from his 9-to-5 doing data entry, a job that leaves him practically comatose at the end of the day. You see, having the world’s biggest penis does not necessarily pay the bills. In his case, it doesn’t come anywhere close to it, and he describes his situation as “depressing.”
Falcon fondly remembers the days when he was younger, fitter and slept around. He used to feel comfortable wearing spandex shorts around New York City to show off his goods; he liked the gawking it would inevitably inspire. Now he lives a quiet life with a roommate in Chelsea, playing video games in his spare time and having only the occasional sexual partner. Sex just isn’t a priority anymore. But he’s also not interested in a long-term partner and he even refers to himself as “asexual” in that sense. Our conversation was filled with these sorts of surprises and contradictions, the kind that come along with a life lived with record-making genitals.
When did you first realize that your penis was larger than average?
I was 10 years old and I decided to measure it.
Why did you decide to measure it?
Just, whatever, curious.
But how did you realize that your size was larger than average?
I was reading one of those adolescent books and they were mentioning this and that and I decided to compare myself. I didn’t really think much of it at the time.
Did you compare your penis to other boys’ growing up?
No, I really had no interest in that. I really wasn’t looking at anybody else. Apparently they noticed, but I didn’t.
Was this at the locker room at school?
And what was their reaction?
I gathered they were impressed. But they never brought the subject matter up to me. I was talked about behind my back. Years later they told me.
I read in a Rolling Stone profile of you from over a decade ago that you had this moment in the boys locker room where they were all staring at you in disbelief …
The thing is, at the time I thought it was because I was uncut. I was the only guy who was uncut in school. I learned later that it was because of the size not the physical foreskin.
You promised your penis to the Icelandic Phallological Museum after you die. Why?
Buck Wolf twisted my arm to do that because he wanted to do a story about it. He’s a journalist and an acquaintance. It was his idea and I decided to go along with it.
How does your family feel about your penis fame?
Um, negatively? I don’t like to discuss that.
What about your friends?
I try to avoid that topic with them although they mention it a lot. It’s OK.
You sometimes go out in public wearing very tight pants —
I used to. Whenever I do it it’s to shock people. The last time I did it was a couple weeks ago. I was wearing a Union Jack top and Union Jack leggings. People were more drawn to the Union Jack before they realized there was a bulge going halfway down my leg.
So why did you stop doing that as frequently?
I guess I just got older and more mature. I’m also nowhere near as hot as I used to be. When you’re in your 20s and thin and you can have sex with anybody you like, you tend to show off. Now I’m a little bit more selective than that.
What’s your romantic life like?
Um, well, I occasionally have sex, but I tend to have other worries. I’ve had enough sex in my life that I don’t really need it like other guys do.
Are you dating?
No, I’ve been too busy with my career at the moment. Sex is now a low priority for me. If I need it, I’ll get it, but I usually don’t need it that much anyway.
Was that always the case that it was a low priority?
No, I burnt myself out by having sex a lot. I slowed down.
What was your sex life like in your younger years?
Confused at first. I adapted quickly.
How did partners react to your unusual size?
Shocked, amazed, hungry. A lot of them liked to grab it with both hands and see that there’s a lot more to take in. They would just be fascinated by it, and a lot of exploration. I love being explored.
Do you ever feel objectified?
No. The only people who objectify me are people in show business. When I have dates, it’s not showbiz. If I’m having sex it’s because I want to, it’s not because anybody is forcing me to.
How did you lose your virginity? Did you get a strong reaction from your partner?
My partner had a strong reaction. I was more or less confused. I was really on autopilot and letting them do whatever. I didn’t fully understand what was going on at the time.
How old were you?
I was 8 inches when I was 10, so …
Was your partner older?
Yeah, not that much older.
Does your penis length enable any unusual sexual acts or positions?
I can switch positions without having to pull out.
I read that you are also able to give yourself oral sex.
I used to, I can’t anymore. I did it from age 10 to 18. One, I lost interest in doing that and two, it started hurting my back to do it.
Is it hard to achieve a full erection?
Sort of. It’s more psychological for me. I go through stages. It takes a lot of patience.
Have you ever wished for a smaller penis?
No. I’m happy with the way I am.
Do you ever wish that you were known for something other than having a large penis?
It’s just that people who do a Google search on me find out about that notoriety. That’s more what I’m worried about.
You mentioned your career earlier. What career are you pursuing?
Basically general entertainment and writing. My current day job has sapped my energy so much that I don’t have the energy to look for stuff. I have to get a new agent. Every time I get out of work I sort of collapse and want to go to sleep right there. Even on the weekends. I have to really strengthen my resolve here.
What is your day job?
Why haven’t you done pornography? I know you’ve gotten offers.
It’s not my thing. I suspect if I had done pornography I’d be dead by now.
It’s just I see the high suicide rate among porn actors, and it’s depressing as it is right now for me, so … Besides, I can’t really have sex in front of people, it’s just a total turn-off.
Your penis is reported to be the largest in the world. What if someone out there has a larger member but hasn’t volunteered to be measured?
I’ll still have 13 and a half. I really don’t care. All I care about is if my partner enjoys it, or if people enjoy it if I decide to show off.
You wouldn’t be sad if you no longer had that title?
I don’t care.
Have you made money off the attention?
I have, doing interviews and being on HBO. Nothing that’s self-sustaining.
Has there been a downside to the attention?
Like I said, I think the notoriety has cost me work more than it helps me get it. I mean, people are more likely to recognize me, or want to sleep with me, because of it. They recognize me and hit on me because they want to see how big it can get. It’s longer than my forearm and thicker than my wrist. I don’t know if you’ve seen pictures …
Oh. OK. I can give you a link to this site that has pictures, especially one when I was 29 and at my best with a 29-inch waist, which I envy myself for having. My metabolism was really low. That’s the other thing about this job, it’s sapped my ability to go to the gym.
So you’ve had people recognize you and want to sleep with you?
Yeah. A lot of women have curiosity to see what it’s like. I can’t get it all in them anyway, so I rely on the thickness and the visual. It’s impossible for me to go fast. A lot of guys can rabbit fuck, I can’t, it’s physically impossible for me. Sometimes I just lay back and let them get on top and work it for me.
Do you take it as a compliment when women are interested in you because of your penis size or do you wish they would, you know, pay more attention to your personality?
I take it as a compliment from both sexes.
How do you sexually identify?
Since I’ve had a lot of attention from both sexes, I really don’t mind male companionship. It’s like, OK. I have no preference either way when it comes to a lifetime thing, I’m maybe asexual in that aspect, in terms of having a partner forever. Maybe I just wanted to get off … and have friends.
Have you ever had sex for money?
Yeah, when I was 19, 20. Not because I was escorting, but because they offered and I couldn’t say no. I was 18, I had a 29-inch waist, I looked like I was 13. I’ve learned that if you look like you’re 13 when you’re 18 or older and have a cock that goes halfway to your knee you tend to get a lot of attention.
What are you hobbies?
Basic dude stuff. Video games, computer games, reading, baseball, that sort of thing.
Are you a Republican or Democrat?
I’m a registered Democrat. I tend to be anti-stupid.
What’s your favorite band?
I grew up with Billy Joel. I also tend to enjoy Kiss and Simon and Garfunkel, Elton John, a lot of the singer-songwriters from the ’70s. The ’80s are so full of one-hit wonders, so I don’t really go by bands so much as songs for the ’80s stuff. I’m only starting to learn about ’90s stuff because I basically stopped paying attention to music. As for new stuff, I really enjoy Lady Gaga. The music is a lot more intelligent than it lets on.
You’re an actor. Who are your inspirations in that realm?
Woody Allen. Orson Welles. I’m really into the animated films, a lot of animated films that no people remember, like “Twice Upon a Time.”
What is it about acting that appeals to you?
It just comes naturally to me. Acting and writing, those are just my creative outlets. For a long while I was writing for a video game site — reviews, news items, previews. Did you get the email yet?
No, I don’t have my email open.
Oh. OK. I was thinking you’d want to look at the pictures, it might inspire you to ask different questions.
Like what kind of questions?
I dunno, like if you have a visual basis for what we’re talking about –
How do you feel about being so open with photos of your penis?
I don’t care. Millions of people have already seen it. I don’t care if more people see it.
Is there a thrill for you in sharing photos?
Sometimes. I do enjoy positive feedback just like anybody else. It’s not like I do it for positive feedback. I just enjoy it like anybody else. When I send out pictures it’s not because I want to fool around with someone.
What’s a question you wish journalists would ask you? I’m sure you get a lot of the same questions.
I really don’t have any. It feels like I’ve been asked everything. If I had a project, I would hope they would ask me about my project.
Do you like getting interview requests or is it tiresome?
I like getting requests. The only thing I wish is that I had a project so that it wasn’t just me babbling on about myself.
You must get tired of talking about your penis.
Not really. I’d rather talk about that than problems in my life.
Do you have any regrets about coming out as the man with the largest penis?
I wish I’d made more public appearances before whipping it out and wrapping it around my wrist.
You wish you’d drawn it out a bit.
More or less.
Niagara Falls, U.S./Canada
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Arc de Triomphe, Paris, France
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