For the umpteenth Republican debate running, being able to follow comedian Patton Oswalt's play-by-play is the only real reason to watch it. So while the GOP hopefuls attempt to have a serious policy debate -- involving non-specific plans that somehow still provide entitlements to members of the Republican base -- let's keep in mind what time it is:
"Llllllllets get ready to bear witness to the end of the American century!" #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 11, 2016
And how these candidates are earning their endorsements, current, future, and otherwise:
"Trump has cut off Christie's feet and sliced out his tongue. He's tied up in a huge burlap bag backstage. Dear God." -- Kasich #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 11, 2016
"I offer my resig -- oops, that's tomorrow. Let's move forward into the 21st century!" -- Rubio #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 11, 2016
"[emits 2 gallons of cooking oil from mouth]" -- Cruz #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 11, 2016
Trump's just gonna lay back. He has nothing to lose at this point. And he knows it. Bye bye, GOP. Bye bye forever. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 11, 2016
"Look, committing adultery hurt my spouses emotionally but hey it made me cum so what am I gonna do, you know?" -- Trump #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 11, 2016
This debate might've broken me. They're calm in their archaic beliefs, which is scarier then when they're yelling. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 11, 2016
For some, this is the end:
Oh Marco. Oh dude. It's gone, isn't it? It's all gone. Holy shit. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 11, 2016
For Trump, it's not the end of his hypocrisy:
Trump said his use of guest worker program was bad for America, but good for his business so he used it.
— Auntie Goldie (@goldietaylor) March 11, 2016
Not that Oswalt is alone in landing some punches on these very, very canny responses:
I'm a businessman keep Muslims out punch a peaceful protester suits made in China big Mexican walls#GOPDebate
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) March 11, 2016
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