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If you're big on telephones and such, the nations of Central Asia aren't for you.
But if you have an iron stomach, a steel will and a bottle of Cipro, you'll be rewarded with
priceless spectacles of ancient history.
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F E A T U R E S Bad Trips
Visit Friendly Uzbekistan!
Big Island Blacktop
D E P A R T M E N T S Romancing the Road
Passages:
Table Talk
Salon Taste
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E A R L I E R Tuesday April 22 A night from hell in Los Angeles
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U Z B E K + L O W + T E C H - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I L L U S T R A T I O N B Y ADAM McCAULEY UZBEKISTAN AIRWAYS FLIGHT 207, SOMEWHERE OVER THE ATLANTIC OCEAN -- BY DOUG FINE | the gunfire started at about 3:15 a.m. outside my fifth-floor room in the Hotel Ourgench. It was apparently (I hoped) a drunken policeman spraying single-action rifle fire at pigeons along the phone line in the courtyard. The principle function of the telephone system in Uzbekistan, it occurred to me as I huddled under the filthy windowsill for the duration of the shooting spree, is to serve as a bird habitat. It routinely takes 20 to 50 tries to place a local call, and that's if you don't mind sharing a line with another set of talkers -- who always seem to be engaged in a screaming match. This event in western Uzbekistan stays with me as I leave the region, principally because I have been assigned to write a story about tourism in Central Asia -- the former Soviet Republics comprising Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgystan and Tajikistan. Now, don't get me wrong -- there are some sites more than worth visiting in this part of the world. While Europe was trying to figure out what was causing half the population to drop dead from plague, astronomers here had the stars plotted, poets were writing epics and powerful, organized governments were conducting business from China to India to Hungary. It's just not a very easy region to visit in the 20th century. Restoration of some of the major sites in Uzbek tourist cities like Bukara and Samarkand have been under way since, oh, about since Ghengis Khan destroyed them in the 13th century. You can walk through these priceless spectacles of Asian history and pick up huge chunks of 700-year-old sky-blue painted tile if you want. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One would think that harassment of tourists and officially mandated expanded tourism are oxymoronic concepts. But I was verbally berated and shaken down for jaywalking when I tried to catch a moving bus someone had been helpful enough to point out was the one I wanted. (The folks here are just like people anywhere -- mostly good, some shysters.) It seems the newly independent Uzbekistan police (the KGB has changed initials but not staff) have not been apprised that the government is advertising internationally in an attempt to bring in foreigners for an infusion of much-needed capital. The cops appeared shocked and pleased to see an American passport when they frisked me in the street -- though there are signs all over the JFK international terminal shouting up Uzbekistan's historical sites. The signs, to my knowledge, didn't sport the following slogan: "Visit Uzbekistan: When They Find Out You're American, You Might Not Be Arrested."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A hindrance to tourism in this part of the world is that Central Asians are perhaps the Oldest Businessmen in the World. The Silk Road of antiquity ran through here, and you've never seen such congenital sellers. Everyone wants to know "skolka skolka skolka?" -- How much? How much did my backpack cost (in dollars)? How much were my shoes? Do I own a car? What kind? Skolka? For a while I was self-righteously giving "money doesn't buy happiness" speeches in response to these questions. Not satisfied by the feedback, I soon switched strategies and complained about American predatory taxation. For my purposes, the price doubled the moment I pulled my Russian/English dictionary out at a bazaar. I had too many of these kind of conversations: "But you just sold that guy -- the guy with the warts -- the same batteries for 80 cym." Shopping is good here: Stolen German road cars can be obtained for $3,000 to $5,000, and I found a remarkable pair of sunglasses that promised "400 percent UV Protection." Mickey Kantor might want to visit any market in the developing world to see if it is realistic to try to crack down on American copyright infringement. They even sell bogus labels for American liquor at 2 cents a pop to stick on bottles of homemade stuff. After 70 years of communism, they haven't quite nailed down the "Customer Service" concept yet. Losing a sale due to an irate American just doesn't seem to bother anyone. I distinctly remember the battery conversation ended with my discharging, orally, a mixture of sheep stew and Pepto-Bismol, the latter of which I now recognize as toxic to me.
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