Harry Potter and the prediction pool

Who will survive "The Deathly Hallows"? Elizabeth Hand, Kelly Link, Steve Almond -- and Stephen Amidon's children -- join Salon staff and place their bets.

By Thomas Rogers and Matthew Fishbane

Read more: Books, Salon Books

July 6, 2007 | With the publication date for "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" mere weeks away, to say that Harry Potter has been a success for J.K. Rowling is like pointing out that Iowa grows corn or Ann Coulter may be slightly unhinged. The series has made Rowling a billionaire, single-handedly transformed her British publisher, Bloomsbury, from a small independent publisher into a powerhouse, and made it socially acceptable for adults to read kids' books. For better or worse, Rowling's oeuvre has become a major part of our cultural zeitgeist.

Her first six books have sold over 325 million copies worldwide, and through the sale of Harry Potter toys, movies and companion books -- ranging from "The Gospel According to Harry Potter" to "Barry Trotter and the Shameless Parody" -- it's spawned an economy of its own. With her final book slated for July 21 release, Rowling has already beaten all of her previous presale records. In this frenzied atmosphere, even Potter predictions have become big business. When Rowling announced her plans, last summer, to kill off two characters in the "Deathly Hallows," bookmakers, unsurprisingly, started taking bets.

Now the wagers have come in -- and things aren't looking good for Harry. When a disproportionate number of people started predicting that the boy wizard would die, British bookmaker William Hill changed its tack. The company is now taking bets on who will be responsible for Harry's death. Elsewhere, Voldemort and Harry have been pegged as the two most likely victims. But other gamblers have been more optimistic. At Sports Interactions, an online gambling site, Harry Potter is expected to survive (alongside the specification: "surviving as a Phantom Obi-Wan Kenobi style counts as dead").

To help make sense of the speculation -- and maybe even help you earn a buck or two -- we've assembled some of our favorite Harry Potter readers and asked for their predictions on how things will play out.

-- Thomas Rogers

Steve Almond is the author of "My Life in Heavy Metal" and the upcoming collection of essays "(Not That You Asked)."

I've read each of the previous books multiple times, and devoted most of the past year to sifting them for clues. To answer the Big Questions:

Is Dumbledore really dead?

Yes, though he is reincarnated as a newt.

Is Severus Snape good or evil?

Neither. He's got a substance-abuse problem. Toward the end of the book, he issues a public apology to his former Hogwarts students, goes into rehab, and emerges eager to launch a career in reality television.

Will Ron and Hermione finally work things out?

Yes. But not before some turbulence. Still smarting from Hermione's indiscretion with Viktor Krum, Ron hits his beloved with the dreaded Spell of the Itchy Sphincter. She retaliates with the Spell of the Asparagus Urine. Harry intercedes, dosing both of them with a philter that includes holy secretions from Oprah's adrenal glands. The lovers reconcile, relieve their epic sexual tension, and post the eye-popping results on the Internet.

Who is the mysterious R.A.B.?

An obscure wizard-rapper from Piggledon Province, whose theft of Voldemort's locket -- a publicity stunt -- backfires after he is shot in the throat by a rival, who runs with Draco Malfoy's posse.

Do Harry and evil Lord Voldemort finally throw down?

They most certainly do, in a 223-page rampage of blood, sweat, and potions. The action is pitched and plainly homoerotic. (At one point, transfigured into amorous bonobos, they tongue-kiss.) Having battled to a draw, they settle the matter in a most unexpected manner: a chili cook-off! Voldemort, allergic to the peanut oil Harry used to braise his tenderloin, goes into anaphylactic shock and perishes.

What about the death eaters, then?

Without Voldemort's leadership, they return to politics.

And Hogwarts?

One word: Disney.

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