I'm 15, and this fall I'm going to a special residential high school for my last two years of high school. I'm the oldest child and the first to leave home, and my mother is absolutely devastated. Oh, she's happy for me, because she knows this is what I want, but on the same note, she's upset that I'm leaving her two years early. I, on the other hand, am THRILLED to be leaving. I'm totally sick of living at home with my family. My two younger sisters irritate me no end, and my parents are incredibly controlling. Should I feel bad for being happy about leaving when my mom is so upset?

Ecstatic

Dear Ecstatic,

You go ahead and be happy. Your life is your own to experience, and your mother has hers, and independence is nothing to apologize for. You're lucky to be able to fly the coop early. It'll be a great experience, and you'll come back home for Christmas and find out that your mother has recovered from her devastation and your siblings are now the stars of the show and you'll discover that leaving home is the easy part -- the hard part is coming back and finding out how little they missed you.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I have a friend from college who has never had a boyfriend, and only a few close friends. She complains all the time about this problem, lamenting Friday and Saturday nights alone with her cats, and while I sympathize, I know the reason for it: She is uncomfortably obese. If I could just broach the subject, my friend would be so happy -- can you help me?

Dying to Help

Dear Dead Help,

Obese folks are quite aware of their weight and its social effects. She'll let you know if she wants your help with it. Meanwhile, I believe that, while obesity can be a social hindrance, it isn't the only reason for a constricted social life.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I have been dating a fantastic man who I am very attracted to, except for one thing: flatulence. When we spend time together, he invariably creates a stench so repellent I have to open a window. He does this surreptitiously, so I don't have an opportunity to address it immediately. How does one broach the subject tactfully?

Turned Off

Dear Turned,

I referred your question to our medical department, a lonely man holed up in a cabin in the back woods, who says: "This is a biological problem, not too complicated: Either he has eaten something that the intestinal bacteria convert into bad fragrances, such as eggs; or he has a defect in absorbing some kind of food. Incompletely digested food is transformed into aromatic substances by bacteria, and there's just one way out. Next time the odor fills the air, simply say, 'I was reading the other day that intestinal gas is a medical problem that can often be diagnosed by a gastroenterologist.' You need to be able to talk about things like this if you have any notion of making a life with this gentleman."

Dear Mr. Blue,

My sister has been going out with the most wonderful man for the past five years, and they are getting married in July. I am incredibly happy for them, and wish them nothing but the best. But there's something nagging at the back of my mind. For years, she's gotten ribbing on how almost exactly her fiancée and I look alike. I haven't let it bug me, until recently. People say we look like brothers, and it makes me shudder when I think of the logical conclusion. I'm not sure whether I should mention this to her since I don't think it's going to do anything except to make her upset at me. Should I just keep my mouth shut and wish them well, or mention this to her?

Shuddering

Dear Shuddering,

Don't you dare. Don't even think about it. You can shudder all you like, you can go write a Gothic play about incest, but "logical conclusion"? Huh? People are yanking your chain, joking.

Resume being happy for them, and if the resemblance preys on your mind, go shave your head, grow a moustache and get black horn-rim glasses.