My girlfriend and I have been very serious for three years. We're very happy. But there's a problem with her ex: I'm convinced he is still in love with her. Last year he sent her his new CD full of songs about their relationship. A photo of her on the back. And a photo of her legs on the actual disc! She told me I shouldn't feel threatened -- he's just a sensitive singer-songwriter (like me) working some stuff out. (It's a crummy CD.) Last week she ran into him on the street, and they had a conversation, then some follow-up phone calls, about their past and healing, and getting a friendship started -- and I'm like, Remind me again why you need to be on good terms with this guy? My question is, Just how selfish am I acting? Am I acting this way because I don't want her to have been in love before she met me, or am I just afraid she'll reconcile herself to this guy? That would be because I'm insecure, right?

Jealous

Dear Jealous,

You're no more selfish than I, and we medium-selfish guys do experience some retro-jealousy toward previous beaus; we're guarded if we meet them, and we're not interested in hearing throbbing lyrical accounts of the depth of their feelings. If I came across a CD with my wife's legs on it, I'd probably grab a butter knife and go looking for the guy. I'm glad it's a crummy CD (of course it is), and that's to your advantage. If she wants to be friends with this drip, it's her business -- you can't ask her to divest her previous life -- but you can get revenge anytime by playing the CD at home, the worst cuts. She's not going to reconcile with him, so don't torture yourself.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I am a struggling writer feeling a little discouraged because two lifelong friends recently decided to be writers and both have agents interested in their work, and one is on the verge of signing a deal. I don't think I'm jealous of my friends, but in some way I think there's only so much success to go around and they're getting it all. This feeling is causing a block. I'm sitting at my computer looking at 10,000 words and wondering what the point is. I have the characters, I want to tell people what happens to them, but the pressure my friends' progress creates seems to squeeze every idea out of my head.

Help me, Mr. Blue, I don't want to give up writing because trying to makes me miserable.

Listless

Dear Listless,

Don't wimp out now, you'll hate yourself for it. Put aside the 10,000 words and start writing about your friends. Give them new names and identities but keep the agents, keep the deal and write about how success ruined them in every way. Bring in marital problems, impotence, compulsive gambling, alcoholism, amnesia and finally gross plagiarism, which makes their names mud. This might be fun and therapeutic for an afternoon, or you might find that it's really what you want to write now.

Dear Mr. Blue,

Should spouses attend high school reunions? My 20th is coming up, and my wife and I are arguing about it. I would love her to come and meet the old friends, but I know it would be boring for her and understand if she wants no part of it. She feels hurt that I am not more insistent on her coming. I do want her there, but not if she'll be rolling her eyes and looking at her watch. She wants to be there, but not as the outsider at an insider's ball. Neither of us can resolve the conflict.

Weary Alum

Dear Weary,

Reunions are boring for everyone not part of the original union. You'll be fascinated by the very sight of these folks, their double chins, their hairy hands, and she won't know them from a bale of hay, and why would she want to be there? She'll never be anything but an outsider. A nice evening in the hotel room reading a book seems civilized compared to witnessing an orgy of nostalgia by middle-aged people trying to be 17. Of course, the invisible motive is jealousy: She doesn't want you flirting shamelessly, trying to realize some 20-year fantasy. And that, of course, could keep her alert and focused through a long tedious evening.

Dear Mr. Blue,

My boyfriend and I had a fight, during which time he slept with his ex-girlfriend, then we made up and things were great until the ex reported she's seven weeks pregnant with my boyfriend's baby and intends to raise it herself even though he doesn't want it.

He is now very, very angry and declares he will go on with his life as it is -- no interaction with the baby or mother -- and continue to have me as his girlfriend.

I suspect he'll soften and eventually find a role for himself and the baby. Both of us are in our late 40s and we like each other a lot, but should I leave before he's involved with a lot of decisions that could possibly leave me without him for many weekends or forever?

Wistful

Dear Wistful,

A man who impregnates a woman and then pretends that it has nothing to do with him is not a good bet as a boyfriend. Too bad you made up. You should unmake.