Dear Mr. Blue,

If a salacious story is told in the first person, does the reader presume it's autobiographical? Can one claim author's license in licentiousness? Of course, I am a libertine, but as an author does that really matter? Must one associate the writer's life experiences with the story? I'm a bit concerned for my mother, not so much what she thinks as what others will think of her child-raising abilities.

Bend Over

Yes, the reader does. You can claim that those panting, perspiring bodies writhing in the Wamsuttas are purely an invention, and you can say so on the copyright page, but the reader presumes that you've been there, done that. Especially if the descriptions are really good and the dialogue sounds about right. Then it reminds the reader of some of the reader's better salacious moments. But nobody will think less of your mother for your libertinism, nobody who your mother really cares about. You're on your own, kid.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I am a journalist who spent four years abroad working on a big nonfiction book project with my fianci, a photographer. We pulled off some pretty amazing interviewing and travel feats, and moved back to the States, got married, the book got delayed, my husband turned out to be a pathological liar and cheater, our marriage fell apart and now I am putting my life back together. I feel that the book deserves to be written and I desperately want to write the book, but I also need to get on with my life and get the ex out of my head. Can I achieve this and still write the book?

Wretched

If you desperately want to write the book, then you should do it. No doubt about it. Four years of your life was a big investment, and you can't walk away from it because the marriage broke up. The book is a concrete good thing, compared to "getting on with my life," and you can use the first to speed you forward in the second. Unfinished projects are rocks in our pockets, especially when we know that they deserved completion: They keep calling to us for years. Of course it will be awkward, given your feelings about the guy, but keep a civil tongue, be a pro, get the job done and bend over backwards to be kind to him, no paybacks. Do the book, and you'll be better able to close the door on the past and get on with living.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I am 29 and have recently met a boy, 22, and have become smitten with him. He is in an advanced degree program for philosophy and is precocious. Does age matter? I don't think twice about seeing a man seven years my senior, though I have to admit I easily tire of the mentoring that goes on. So shall I fold this one up before it begins to take form?

The Older Woman

I am so charmed by the thought of a 29-year-old as Older Woman, I can't tell you. Yes, age does matter, I guess, but beyond a certain point it matters less and less. That is, it matters less how old you are than how many years you have left, and not many of us know that for certain. A 50-year-old who is taking good care of herself is younger than a 30-year-old who is hellbent on destruction. But if you can be smitten with someone, then age difference has already become a minor consideration. I say, if you're smitten with the lad, smite him back, enjoy your romance, and should you wish to get rid of him, start mentoring.

Dear Mr. Blue,

It's been almost a year since I broke up with my college sweetheart. She was my first love and first partner, and I was hers. She says that she sees no future for us, but whenever we are in the same city, we spend time together and usually end up in bed together. We don't talk for months at a time and then she'll call and I start thinking about her again. There are plenty of women around who seem interesting, but I can't get past the first or second date. I keep telling myself that I don't need her anymore, but she keeps creeping back into my head. I have a good life. She is not that special. So why am I so obsessed?

Distraught in D.C.

Don't try to dismiss the old sweetheart from your thoughts -- you can't -- but if you truly feel that this is an obsession that does you no good, then avoid seeing her. You don't have to see her if you don't want to. You don't have to be nice to everyone who calls you on the phone either, especially if this all is making you miserable. That's what I can't quite read in your letter, whether you're hanging onto her as a marker or whether you really love her and are protesting against it. If you can't keep away from her city, can't keep from seeing her, can't keep from going to bed with her, then I guess your next option is marriage. It might save you both a lot of frustration.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I am a nerdy professor of computer science, married to a lovely woman, living in a friendly college town filled with bike lanes, the father of two of the loveliest little girls on earth and yet I am filled with foreboding.

I work happily and hard all day, and at night I dream horrid dreams of abandonment. Almost every night, my beloved leaves me and I awaken in a sweat at about 2 or 3 in the morning.

She is perplexed, and wants to help, but wonders how. What am I to do about these dreams?

Agonizing

If you're at the point where this is painful to you and seriously getting in your way, then go to a therapist of your choice and see if counseling can help, or pharmaceuticals, or whatever the therapist is dealing in. That's my advice. I'd also suggest that when you waken at 2 or 3 filled with foreboding, that you don't lie in bed and stew but get up and do something, exercise, clean the bathroom, do the laundry. And it might be helpful to give yourself a morning ritual that will be a clear boundary between nighttime and daytime. These miseries belong to the night; you live in the day. For example, every morning upon arising you do your push-ups, take a shower, fix breakfast for your daughters, talk to your wife about something cheerful and walk to work listening to Bach on your Walkman. A step-by-step conditioning exercise. I believe in the efficacy of talking with a caring professional, and I also believe in tricking oneself and finding distractions and in keeping busy. I mean, there's a lot of weirdness and snarkiness in all of us even on our good days, and we can't be always lying down and taking our own temperatures. Sometimes you just need to get on a bike and ride 20 miles.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I am a moderately successful writer who has gone through a couple of divorces and a number of foolish flings, mad crushes, brief passions, unsatisfactory dalliances, and now seem to have lost my appetite for female company, except of a strictly platonic kind. I keep thinking that I'm in some sort of restorative phase that will pass in due course, but from time to time I become alarmed at how little I am alarmed by my indifference -- which I know, after all, to be a cancer of the soul. Should I be trying to relight the flame, and if so, how?

Alone and Slightly Worried

Your becoming alarmed at your lack of alarm is perhaps the first signal that you're thinking about coming back into circulation and having another fling. Meanwhile, enjoy your indifference. It may not last long. Loss of appetite puts you in a fine position to observe the crushes and dalliances of others, and what other realm of behavior is so rich for a writer? If you ask me, which you did, I'd say you should go to all the parties you're invited to and hang out in bars and study the countless little ways in which the available smell out each other and circle and dally and intrigue and drive off competitors. Don't relight your flame, it will be relit for you soon enough. You'll see someone and converse and suddenly you won't be indifferent anymore. Meanwhile, you're fine. In some form, indifference may be a cancer of the soul, but a person cannot be open to all possibilities at all times and remain sane. Sometimes we shut some windows for our own preservation. You're OK, says me.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I am a struggling, young freelance writer. I live with my boyfriend who is really cool, very loving and supportive. A few months ago, I met a bestselling author at a party who has a reputation for helping young writers. The other day, he asked me if I'd like to go have a beer with him sometime. Ideally, I would like to form a mentor-type relationship with him, but I am undeniably attracted to him, so, though I have no intention of acting on it, I feel guilty at the thought of meeting for a beer. I think my boyfriend picks up on my guilt because he seems threatened by this situation. And to be perfectly honest, lately I've caught myself fantasizing about this author, creating little scenarios where he collapses at my feet, saying I'm the woman he's waited for his entire life, etc. So, should I avoid this man and miss out on a possibly beneficial professional relationship? Or should I attempt to forge a platonic relationship from a situation that is obviously charged with sexual tension?

Conflicted in New York

You have a great talent for creating drama -- I mean, you've made this bottle of beer into an opera. I hope that this sexual tension is finding its way into your work and giving it some crackle. But I'd try to keep it out of your life. Go meet the big cheese for a beer and ask your cool boyfriend along. Why not? It's only a casual social moment. But if you're thinking of having an affair with the cheese as a way of aggrandizing your career, then face the fact that this is cynical and corrupt and you're deceiving yourself and setting a bad precedent in your life. Cynicism in a writer is not just bad faith, it's a critical wound.

Dear Mr. Blue,

When I was in college I met plenty of smart women at school, but I was too shy to do anything about it. Now I'm 30 and I'm over the shyness, but I never meet those women anymore. It seems like all the single ones around town are not very interesting. Where does a guy go to meet those smart women that were always around in school? Maybe I should take a job in Europe or something.

Getting Later All the Time

The pool of smart women has been reduced since you were in school, and if you're living in a smaller community, the pool may simply be too small and you'll need to search beyond the town limits. There are various ways of pursuing smart women, but they all require you to step outside yourself and to offer your values, your feelings, your soul, for inspection, and to be honest, and at the same time, to want the glittering possibilities of romance. Life can be so amazingly lit up by the presence of The Woman, there is such sweetness in the sight of her, such music, that of course you yearn for it, but smart women are able to see past that music and glamour and get a glimpse of the real you. So prepare to be read.

Dear Mr. Blue,

My husband has finally extricated himself from his job and is now going to make his way as a writer. I know he is facing a lot of fear and uncertainty. Is there any advice you can offer to help smooth the path -- and is there anything I can do to help, too?

An Adoring Wife

The main thing you can do is not be too interested in his career, not ask how it's going too often, not hover around him offering to warm up his coffee. Writers need space. The best thing you can do for him is to take care of yourself, attend to your life, your work, your interests, and be a whole vital healthy person when the two of you hook up in the evening, or whenever you meet. Writing is a job, not so different from the practice of dentistry as some writers like to make out: You go to work in the morning, you do your work, you pay attention, you close up shop when you've done all you can do. The heroism isn't in the life itself, it's in the outcome, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to affect that.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I am 50, I write fiction full time and I am hard to live with. I whine and complain to myself and (I admit it) to my husband about how hard it is and how depressed I am. I am hard to live with. I am starting Prozac. Do you think my faults are typical or untypical of most writers?

Ms. Whine

Writers tend not to whine to each other in a serious way because it would only open the door for the other writer to whine back, and nobody cares to listen to someone else's problems at great length anyway. Especially when they're as boring as a writer's are. I mean, the act of writing can be awful hard and there are days when you can't put three paragraphs together, but to complain about this is surely the depth of tediousness. I should think it's miserable for you, too. I mean, writers are entertainers at heart, shang shang a rang a lang dang, and the first person you have to entertain is yourself, sweetheart. You're 50, a mere child to me but a grownup girl, and you maybe ought to be nicer to yourself. The writing that's so hard -- put it away and write something that's fun to do. Give yourself license to write extravagantly dumb stuff out of the wilder side of your brain, maybe write a complaint to God that reaches new heights of whinery. Good luck with the Prozac, too.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I'm 29 years old, a journalist, which I like, but I feel I have a book inside me and I really want to write it. My problem is I can't seem to make up stuff, and while my life has had its moments, it doesn't exactly have novel potential. How can I come up with something compelling to write about?

Too Truthful for Fiction

So I guess we're talking nonfiction. A burgeoning field, as newspapers get shallower and dumber and less satisfying to read. To write a nonfiction book, you need to be in the right place at the right time and catch a story in the making that is complicated and inherently fascinating and deserves to be treated at length. Crime, of course, is prime material. And then comes disease. And then sex. Keep your eyes open and be prepared to be compelled.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I have trouble meeting a person who I would like to have an intimate relationship with, and her me. It seems that those I like do not like me "in that way" and those who are interested in me I regard only as friends. When I think about what that special person would be like, I get discouraged, because they would not be the kind of person I would meet in a bar, or at a singles club. I worry that we will never meet. Any advice?

Lost Between the Cracks

The search for the beloved is a cheerful enterprise, so cheer up. She's out there, and she is a little discouraged too, but her head is up in the air, she's sniffing, she's thinking about you, and when you come across her, she'll give you a curious smile that will encourage you to come closer.

Dear Mr. Blue,

How do I become naturally witty?

Bizarrely Brooklyn

You are. Trust me.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I'm 34, dating two women, starting to feel strongly about both. I want to get married in the next couple of years. (I have a teenage daughter from a previous marriage.) Lisa is warm and bouncy and shiny, and Denise is dry and witty. She can do the Sunday New York Times crossword unassisted. Lisa is warmer and scores high in the stepmom department. Denise nourishes the creative writer in me. Lisa loves musical theater, which I can't stand. My guess is that sex with each will be outstanding because the attraction level is high for each. Any words of wisdom?

Norman in Oklahoma

What you don't mention is whether either of these fine women is interested in you. That's an important consideration. Keep dating a little longer and you may get some clues about that.

Dear Mr. Blue,

My girlfriend and I are both writers (she poetry, me fiction). When she first showed me some of her poetry, I was blown away by her talent, but lately, she says she is jealous of my writing, that it's more interesting and original than hers (I don't agree, nor do mutual friends). She hasn't written anything in the last six months and says she doesn't know if she ever wants to again. I want her to write and I don't want to pressure her, but am I doing something wrong? How can I convince her to start writing again?

Worried in Boston

Whether your girlfriend is writing or not has nothing to do with you or your writing, its interest, its originality, and it is immature of her to put this guilt on you. Her saying that she doesn't know if she ever wants to write again is the height of immaturity. It deserves no comment from you at all. So don't try to convince her of anything, or you will be enlisted in a drama in which you don't get to say any good lines. Her writing is purely none of your business, especially when she has stated things in these terms. Be kind and loving to her and let her writing take its own course and hope that she grows up.