I am in the middle of completing Mr. Blue's 90-Day Drill for the Brokenhearted. My boyfriend of five years broke up with me recently. I am sad and lonely and miss talking to him more than anything. I'd give my right arm to be able to have him back. I wish I had been better at being a girlfriend. He, on the other hand, has started dating someone new and exciting, and while he says he still wants us to be friends, he's done with me, it seems. So I will do as Mr. Blue says and let him walk out the door with this new person. But tell me, how does this happen? Why do men sometimes find a new relationship right away and seem to be able to kick their old one to the curb with a cold shrug? Do they feel something deep down, or are they really that good at getting over it and moving on? Do they ever look back and wish they had been wiser and better at being boyfriends?

Eating Lightly for 53 More Days

Dear Eating,

I hate to generalize about guys, but one thing that's true of every single last one of us is that we're not much good at talking out our feelings and working through hard patches and coming to a mutual understanding. Short guys are good at it, but I mean really short guys. Like, under 4 feet. A guy's feelings tend to be submerged. Great shifts take place in silence, pain is borne, new realities contemplated, insights received and none of it commented on, except elliptically. Women think the two main characters should sit on the bright stage, pace, strike poses, have interesting facial expressions and hurl pages of intense dialogue into the air. Guys do this internally, often unconsciously. So when a guy finally says, "I think we have a problem," he may already have worked through the whole thing, the split, the grief and regret, and have picked out his next heroine. In his mind, it's done. The door closed. The new life starts. But yes, guys do look back and wish they'd been kinder and wiser and funnier and more graceful. But they don't necessarily wish things had turned out otherwise.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I have been divorced for seven years and haven't been on a serious date in that time. I was not really interested until this past year (I got lonely during the holidays). I have one son who is away at college and three dogs that are still at home. Even though I envy people who are in relationships, I am still not doing anything about it. I can't see myself with another man again. I'm trying to see it, but it isn't happening. I wasn't just burned in my marriage, I was incinerated. I despair when I think of all the holidays to be spent alone in the future! Am I going to end up a hermit? Should I start packing my backpack for a mountainous country before all the caves are taken?

Still Confused After All These Years

Dear Confused,

No, you won't end up sitting cross-legged in the mouth of a cave, offering gnomic utterances to trekkers. You'll end up hanging out with some amusing dude who, when you think back to the old incendiary marriage, is a joy to be with. You'll cook with him, hike with him, go to ballgames, sit on the same sofa and read books. You can't see yourself doing this because a man isn't a theoretical quantity. You need to meet one first, which is fairly easy to do. You meet by finding a group that includes men and women and that has a purpose other than dating. A group whose purpose speaks to your strength. (See the quote above from the 400-pound woman who goes on 6-mile bike rides.) A wilderness hiking group. A gang of thieves. The Lutheran Church. Or maybe you meet him in a cinematic way -- he bumps into you in the Piggly Wiggly and knocks your shopping cart over and his hands brush yours as he gathers up your kiwi -- or maybe in a novelistic way -- he's your son's math professor. Anyway, you'll run into him. Don't go on living in this burned-out marriage. It's gone and you're OK.

Maya Angelou reads from "The Heart of a Woman"