I am a man, 25, dating a woman, 23. Things are going very well between us, except for a religious undercurrent that jumps out once in a while. We enjoy a healthy sex life; we are both educated and work long hours. Once in a while, she says she wants to go to church. I was raised a Congregationalist, and I have no guilt about not attending church. About two weeks ago, when looking for Advil in the bedside table, I found a religious calendar and a pamphlet about resisting temptation.

After having sex last night, lying there in the nude, my girlfriend asked me if I would like to "say a prayer." I quickly did what any man does after sex and fell asleep.

What do I do if she comes out to me as a born-again? I think if that happens, I must run. What is the best way to broach the subject?

Secular Sam

Dear Secular,

Put on your running shoes. And wait for her to broach the subject. But what's wrong with saying a prayer in the nude?

Dear Mr. Blue,

I am a 23-year-old lesbian faced with a decision. I have been going out with Alice for over two years -- manic years of tumult and anguish and sheer bliss. But things fizzled a few months ago amid her uncertainty of whether she was moving to New York, her refusal to continue to romanticize the relationship as an exercise of preservation and mounting Verizon debt, so I started dating Jane, a lawyer, and though there's nothing electric about our relationship, being with her is easy, angst-free, fun. I was looking forward to spending the summer with her. But Alice just returned, and the still-in-love-with-me thing lingers. She's changed, she reports, into a stable, happier person who will not take out inner strife on her girlfriend, and it seems possible that she has. I feel like I've gotten over her and should maybe run with that, but if she feels like she's prepared to have a healthy relationship maybe I'd be missing out on something big -- she still awes me, and if I weren't with Jane, I'd give it a go out of curiosity. I eroticize challenges. And as unchallenging as Jane seems to be compared to Alice, perhaps I can convince myself that having a low-key relationship is a worthy challenge, which it really is, given the U-haul culture of my people. Perhaps I should do this. What do you think?

Must Decide Soon

Dear Must,

This is almost too exciting for me to deal with. It's the sort of erotic life that we Midwesterners imagine you New Yorkers having, partners coming and going, a lot of romanticization going on, tumult, anguish, bliss, long-distance phone debt. You should run with whatever makes you feel like running, I think. It's a challenge that you shouldn't deeroticize by turning it over to an advice columnist. If you really want a low-key relationship, come out here to the flat place. We have relationships so low-key you don't even notice them until you get right up close.

Dear Mr. Blue,

My boyfriend is from the country and wants to own several acres in an isolated area; I just want a nice little city lot with a porch and friendly neighbors. He thinks the country is a great place to raise children; I couldn't think of a better place than the city with its cultural institutions and public transportation. We love each other dearly after more than four years together, but I am worried that once we are done with grad school in architecture and have the time to start forming a family, we won't be able to agree on where to live. Can you think of some sort of middle ground that would allow us to raise a family in harmony?

Not a Country Girl

Dear Not,

The odds are solidly on your side, ma'am. The isolated areas are everywhere in economic decline. Unless he's planning to design freeway overpasses or factory farm buildings or Indian casinos, his career future and yours are most likely in a city. So look for a good job and make your home nearby and when you have some stacks of money lying around, buy several isolated acres and build a cabin there and plant beans and keep a journal. The kids will grow up just fine wherever the two of you are: You're the key to their upraising, not the landscape.

Maya Angelou reads from "The Heart of a Woman"