To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > Books June 24, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/books/log/1999/06/24/kael A poem for Pauline Kael's 80th birthday - - - - - - - - - - - - By Roy Blount Jr. "Presenting … Creation, more or less," Said Jehovah.                                "Oh. What a mess," Pauline observed.                               So he gave it form. Roundish. Molten cooling to warm. "Has it occurred to you to let there be light?" "By golly," Jehovah said, "you're right." But light revealed a certain void. "You might try creating celluloid, And then a projector," said Pauline, "For showing images on a screen …" "Look, it's one thing you're not afraid of me, But don't … get … so … far … ahead of me! What are those images gonna be of?" Exclaimed Jehovah -- "Vengeance? Love?" "A couple of characters wouldn't hurt." So Jehovah grabbed two handfuls of dirt. "Mm," said Pauline, "you've got something there … You're casting Cary Grant and Cher?" "No. For Eve I want someone deep," He said. "I'm making Meryl Streep. And who really cares whom I make first male? A first-mate type. Think Alan Hale." "Oh God," said Pauline, "a feminist flick, With the Holy Ghost as the only dick." "No," he huffed, his faced getting red, "A serious film, with a message," he said. "Oh why does my sinking heart suspect You're letting Stanley Kramer direct?" "So be it," Jehovah thundered, and that Is why "The Fall of Man" fell flat. And also why, when Edison came To visit Pauline one day and claim, "I've made a moving picture," she Patted his hand and said, "We'll see." And seen we have, with feelings and eyes Her vision's done much to aesthetize. Here's to Orson and Bogie and Katie, And towering over them, Pauline at 80. salon.com | June 24, 1999