Who has time to be a writer?

Writing in Limbo

Dear Limbo,

We writers don't really think about whether what we write is good or not. It's too much to worry about. We just put the words down, trying to get them right, operating by some inner sense of pitch and proportion, and from time to time, we stick the stuff in an envelope and ship it to an editor. A writer is a person who writes, that's all, so you're a writer, and God bless you. If there's a magazine that you yourself enjoy reading, send them something. And if they send it back, don't worry about that either.

Dear Mr. Blue

I've been married for 18 years to a man I love very much. Seven years ago, we moved the family so I could take a better job. I screwed up bad by having a two-night affair with a guy at work, which was truly lousy. I screwed up again by telling my husband about it. And I screwed up more by staying at my job for another year. My husband took his wedding ring off and is only staying with me for the sake of our four children. He has separated emotionally from me. What do I do?

Unloved

Dear Unloved,

What a sad tale and I feel sorry for you and your husband. Telling your husband about the affair was a cruel thing to do, no matter what your reasoning. But here he is, still under the roof despite everything. Furious, but on the premises nonetheless, and so there's got to be hope. My hunch is that he must love you very much, or else he'd have gone off with Amber the cocktail waitress. My advice is that you be utterly kind to him but focus on your children. Lavish your love and attention on them. Children are fascinating, worthy of our interest, and they crave attention and respond beautifully to it, and perhaps in raising them together, this common bond could inspire the two of you to resume your life as a couple. If it doesn't, then tell him to quit being a martyr and figure out a better way to live his life.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I have ambivalence disease. No matter who I'm with or what he is like, I feel unsatisfied. I feel I'm about to find someone better. When I'm in a relationship, I have one foot out the door. I'm 33 and too old for this. (My first book comes out in a year, and I keep thinking maybe somehow I'll meet some better men then.) Is there a cure for this horrible condition?

Sick of Myself

Dear Sick,

What's horrible about being unsatisfied? Welcome to the human condition. Thirty-three isn't too old to still be adrift romantically. I was almost 50 when I found The Right Woman and you know what? If I'd met her 20 years ago, I might not have recognized her. But even in your ambivalence, you can be properly grateful for each man who cares for you. And congratulations on your book.

Dear Mr. Blue,

Years ago, my "great love" backfired after five years, and since then, my love life has been going downhill fast. Successive relationships are shorter and shorter, more like one-night stands. My friends refer to me as "the unstoppable dating machine." I am starting to loathe myself. Do you have a suggestion? Or a reading list?

Frantic

Dear Frantic,

There are people who write to Mr. Blue who would consider themselves lucky to have your problem. They sit waiting for the phone to ring and there you are with four or five callers on hold. If you really do loathe yourself, maybe you could take your talent for seduction and use it to sell aluminum windows door-to-door or raise money for public radio. Meanwhile, your friends envy you your charm and you want me to recommend books to read? Well, I suppose Frank Harris' "My Life and Loves" and the memoirs of Casanova come to mind, but I suggest that you enjoy the summer while it's here.

Dear Mr. Blue,

After years of writing short stories and getting rejection form letters, I recently gave up on the publication game and all that heartbreak and started writing for the simple pleasure of it. The result is that writing has become far more enjoyable and I feel I have been freed from something that was holding me back. My recent work is immeasurably improved, and I think some of it is of publishable quality. I'm worried, though, that if I go back to submitting for publication, writing will again become a means to an end instead of an enjoyable end in itself. How do I maintain the joy of writing with no pressure while at the same time seeking publication?

Stuck in Illinois

Dear Stuck,

There's a story here somewhere, about a guy who wants something and doesn't want to want it, who hopes for his heart's desire to burst into the room one day when he isn't looking and take him for a ride. He is hungry and he hopes to be waited on, he is lonely and wishes that 14 close friends would arrive with a case of beer. Writers have always tried to understand themselves by writing metaphorically about their own condition. You should try writing about this. But unless you are a saint, your writing is intended for a reader, and without her, you can't be satisfied.

N E X T+P A G E +| Reader is a poet/And doesn't even ... realize it