Regarding Oscar

Salon critics and special guests weigh in on the Academy Awards -- the wins, the dresses, the absence of Anna Nicole!

Read more: Hollywood, Stephanie Zacharek, Andrew O'Hehir, TV, Movies, Arts & Entertainment, Academy Awards, Heather Havrilesky, Arts & Entertainment Features

Feb. 26, 2007 | Stephanie Zacharek, Salon film critic
On this broadcast of "the most international of Oscars," Penélope Cruz was mistaken for Mexican, the Hong Kong film "Infernal Affairs" was cited as being Japanese, and George "Turkey Neck" Lucas called Stephen Frears "Stephen Fears." Film: It really is the international language, but some of these names are damn hard to pronounce.

While it was lovely to see pictures like "Pan's Labyrinth" -- made by one of our most interesting young directors, Mexico's Guillermo del Toro -- honored with various awards, this year's Academy Awards didn't feel so much international as interminable. The interpretive silhouettes of novelty dance troupe Pilobolus were mercifully brief, but the evening still felt endless. And I can't imagine what was going through Ennio Morricone's mind as Celine Dion took the stage to warble the love theme from "Once Upon a Time in America" (a melody that, last time I checked, didn't have words). He and Mrs. Morricone looked understandably dumbfounded as Dion took an astonishingly beautiful piece of music and -- nearly -- mashed it into Top 40 dreck.

At least the speech Morricone made (in Italian), as he accepted his special award, restored some dignity to the occasion, infusing it with true feeling. And screenwriter William Monahan and director Martin Scorsese, accepting their respective awards for "The Departed," both acknowledged "Infernal Affairs" as their movie's source -- maybe too little too late for most Hong Kong film fans, but at least the earlier picture didn't go unrecognized. Still, much of the rest of the night was simply show business as usual. And while Forest Whitaker's performance in "The Last King of Scotland" is a fine one, the last thing I wanted to see Sunday night was the face of the obviously disappointed Peter O'Toole. It's probably the one memory of this eminently forgettable evening I'll never be able to shake.

Mo Rocca is a contributor to "CBS Sunday With Charles Osgood" and a panelist on NPR's "Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me." He also has a new blog.
Most suspenseful question of the night: Would Anna Nicole Smith be included in the Dead People Montage? She was in at least two movies ("Naked Gun 33 1/3" and "Hudsucker Proxy"). Or would Hollywood's "classiest" event snub the woman whose story has turned out to be a lot more gripping than most of the nominated films? Alas she didn't make the cut -- not that there wasn't room. (This year's lineup was pretty thin, with Robert Altman's big finish in the montage undercut by his big tribute last year. I was happy, though, that the awesome Jack Wild got a hearty round of applause.) Does Anna Nicole's exclusion from the necrology offer a clue to the choice Hollywood will make when O.J. kicks it? (We know it'll have to include Robert Blake, though he'll probably just get one clip, rather than the two he deserves.)

Best pre-show moment: Was there any doubt that Simon Cowell is a genius? During the E! pre-show, Ryan Seacrest interviewed Jennifer Hudson, a meeting I was surprised even happened. Conventional wisdom is that Hudson was "wronged" by "American Idol," that an Oscar would be a delicious rebuke to the show (even though it got her noticed) and Simon (even though it was the viewers who booted her off). Take that, "Idol"!

Jennifer was ... civil. When Ryan said he had a message from an "old friend," Jennifer feigned confusion. (The old Kelly Clarkson distance-yourself-from-"Idol" act.) Cut to a full-screen Simon earnestly congratulating her on her "extraordinary" achievement. He said he loved her and remembered mentioning "the word 'Oscar'" when they first met. (Uh, sure. It's not like anyone's going to check the tape on that.) He played proud parent and once again came out, as Randy Jackson might say, top dawg.

To Jennifer's credit she hit all her marks last night: She got teary (which is always better than blubbering) and she thanked Jennifer Holliday (though she thanked God one too many times). And in an otherwise "relaxed" telecast she showed good old-fashioned Hollywood teeth-bared ambition by besting (and breasting) Beyoncé in the "Dreamgirls" medley.

Three things I learned Sunday night: Melissa Etheridge really does look like Hillary Clinton. Al Gore is too fat to run for office right now. And Robert Downey Jr. has an amazing profile.

Next page: DeGeneres fun and likable? Lady editors the best of all?