"The Sopranos" prediction pool

Who will survive the big finale? Jonathan Ames, Berkeley Breathed, Jennifer Egan, Daniel Handler, Heather Havrilesky, Erica Jong, Laura Lippman, Frank Rich and others weigh in.

By Dipayan Gupta and Thomas Rogers

Read more: The Sopranos, Arts & Entertainment, Arts & Entertainment Features

June 8, 2007 | Heather Havrilesky is Salon's television critic.

A.J. puts himself in harm's way out of a misguided attempt to right the world's wrongs and gets killed, Sil dies, and Tony decides to rat out New York, sending Phil Leotardo to jail forever and ever, which he so richly deserves. Tony, meanwhile, lands in his personal version of hell: a mediocre suburban existence, somewhere in the Midwest, under an assumed name. Carmela, lost without a steady flow of luxury gifts, drives her Porsche Cayenne into the side of the local Chili's, then takes to hanging out at the mall in a drunken stupor. Meadow stays behind and marries Parisi Jr., becoming the old Carmela. Last shot: Dr. Melfi, being served roasted duck while learning from Elliot that Tony has disappeared. Her face tells us that she blames herself, but we all know that she'll double up on therapy until those irrational feelings of blame subside. We'll always blame her, though.

Berkeley Breathed is a best-selling children's author, Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist and the man behind "Opus," on Salon. His latest book is "Mars Needs Moms!"

How they'll end it: Everyone gets whacked but Tony and Carmela, who have a fight and go to bed. With the number of unfinished story arcs in the last four years, there's a high chance that Chase punts on this one too.

My preferred ending: After Leotardo cuts off Tony's limbs with a cannoli spoon, Meadow flunks out and teaches dancing at the Bada Bing, A.J. joins the Justice Department to shoot wobbly Republicans in the kneecaps, and Carmela goes mad from religious panic after doing exactly what we've been waiting to see and humps the holy water out of Father Phil from the first season. This is called moral justice. I'm writing this after reading that Paris Hilton got sent home.

Preferred Ending No. 2:

Next page: "For all her crocodile tears, the woman may actually be tougher at heart than Tony"