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What's wrong (and right)
with "The Phantom Menace"
A science-fiction author scours the new "Star Wars"
film for signs of intelligent life.
Editor's Note:Be warned that the following article contains "spoilers" -- plot points and other details about "The Phantom Menace" that you may wish to avoid if you haven't seen the movie yet and plan to do so.
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By David Brin
June 15, 1999 |
First off, let me say that I think the film looks gorgeous. George Lucas was able to hire the best. He took advantage of advances in computer graphics to portray many old sci-fi favorites in vivid ways. The costumes are just spiffy, the sword fight scenes zesty. Great aliens, too (except for Yoda, who's still a rubber oven mitt with two facial expressions: patronizing and condescending).
I actually quite enjoyed the first part of the film -- Jedis running around
on the Trade Federation mother ship, jumping and slashing, leaping and
blasting. My hopes started to rise. But then -- well, let me list just a few
items:
Clichés
Underwater cities? A city that covers a whole planet? Where've we seen
those before? Well, they may be clichés, but Lucas stole them fair and
square, and served them back with loads of panache, so he's forgiven. On
the other hand, there are other clichés that make you moan aloud. For
example:
- "Hey, you guys, don't you mess with me because my mom is the
Virgin Mary! (At least that's what she told her folks when she
came home pregnant one day.) I guess you know what that
makes ME, so everybody drop down and give me 20!"
- "I think maybe he is the CHOSEN ONE ..." Oh, really? As in
"Dune"? Or in "The Matrix"? Or in "Lord of the Rings"? Or "A
New Hope" (the original 1977 "Star Wars" movie)? Or ... make your own list. It will stretch for light
years.
- "He is too old to train to be a Jedi." -- Uh, Yoda? You say 6 is
too old, but Luke Skywalker will be a doable fixer-upper at
20? When do you recruit novices -- ripping them from the
breast, like the Psi Corps in "Babylon 5"? Does the Jedi Way
require complete denial of normal childhood? An odd message
for a kid flick!
- "Oh no! There's an unstoppable robot army! Of course all we
have to do is pull a master switch and they'll all shut off!"
This recalls blowing up the shield projector in "Return of the Jedi"
(which is achieved entirely thanks to the wookie -- neither Luke nor Leia
makes any real difference in achieving the Rebel victory. Think about it!).
Or a computer virus shutting down all alien shields in "Independence Day."
Or Obi-Wan dialing down the tractor beam. Or the hero in "Logan's Run"
shooting one computer console and blowing up a city. And so on. Yeesh! Are
villain equipment-designers really that bad in every off-Earth empire? In
fairness, this cliché is endemic. Ever notice how, in "Star Trek," Kirk
talked five different super-computers into self-destructing? If the
universe really is like this, we Earthlings are gonna kick butt when we get
out there!
- A good machine is one that has to be hammered into turning on
for you (e.g. Anakin's speed-pod, his space fighter, the
Millennium Falcon, C-3PO and so on). If it starts right up, it
must be evil.
- Some might view the pod race as a rip-off copy of the speeder
bike scene in "Return of the Jedi." Actually, I found the
charioteer imagery charming. Hey, a swooping chase scene past
scary obstacles is always a good thing to throw into a
whiz-bang sci-fi flick! Nevertheless, having a 6-year-old
slave toss together a better pod than all the galaxy's
technicians can create? (Those Tatooine slave schools must
have a great curriculum!) Couldn't he have had help from an old
but great engineer who retired to Tatooine for his health? That
cliché would have lent plausibility.
- Big animals try to eat whole spaceships, yum. Where've we
seen that before?
- An apprentice Jedi -- watching helplessly as his beloved
master is slain in a sword fight by a Sith Lord -- screams, "No!"
Where've we seen that before? (Incidentally, the angry
apprentice succeeds where his calm master failed -- just as
Luke Skywalker does better angry than when he was composed,
in "Return of the Jedi." So much for Yoda's sage advice!)
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