But even viewed through that gaping and forgiving lens, the new breed of histortainment -- pictures like last summer's "The Patriot" and now "Pearl Harbor" -- invites just one appropriate response: jaw-dropping incredulity. Roland Emmerich's "The Patriot," its repeated unfurling of a beat-up and tattered Old Glory notwithstanding, wasn't about patriotism at all, but about one individual's relentless quest for revenge (think Charles Bronson with a pigtail). We also got to see a young soldier's head get blown clean off by a cannonball. What was the war like, Daddy, in the days before computer graphics?

Now "The Patriot" has a spiritual bookend in Michael Bay's "Pearl Harbor." The filmmakers claim they've been historically accurate, but they've done "The Patriot" one better: They've rendered accuracy beside the point. "Pearl Harbor" is just a three-hour epic loaded with loud guns and explosions for the boys, and extraordinary swing-era dresses for the girls. Romance, drama, pathos, wrenching decisions, ironclad ships blown to shards, charred and bloody limbs -- you name it, "Pearl Harbor" has it. Craftily shot by John Schwartzman, who serves up images like lovers shrouded in train mist as if they were menu items, it's a movie steeped in borrowed nostalgia. It's rousing in completely artificial terms.

The heroism of "Pearl Harbor" is unsullied by anything as mundane as patriotism -- it's hard to figure out if Bay and screenwriter Randall Wallace ("Braveheart," "The Man in the Iron Mask") think flag-waving is uncool or in bad taste or both. In any event, there are no Spielbergian "Saving Private Ryan"-type speeches to drag down the action, which would be a plus if only it weren't so obvious that the movie has muscles for brains. Subtlety isn't Bay's strong suit. "Pearl Harbor" is all lovin' and kissin' and brave fighter pilots, when it's not screaming men being blasted from their ships.

	Pearl Harbor Directed by Michael Bay Starring Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding Jr., Josh Hartnett Print story E-mail story

Wallace's narrative uses the bombing of Pearl Harbor as a backdrop for the story of the deep and lasting friendship between Rafe (Ben Affleck) and Danny (Josh Hartnett), who have been buddies since they were little squirts. An early flashback shows us Danny's father leading the young boy away by the ear, after he and Rafe have inadvertently taken a joyride in Rafe's daddy's crop-dusting plane. The two boys grow up to become fighter pilots, natch. Rafe, the more assertive of the two, gets a chance to go off with the British Eagle Squadron. He leaves behind Danny, who's sullenly resigned to being separated from his friend, and his nurse girlfriend, Evelyn (Kate Beckinsale), who swears lifelong love.

The rest of the movie meshes the story of the two guys and the gal, who eventually reunite at Pearl Harbor, with the unfolding of the Japanese plot to blow the whole thing to smithereens. In an effort to sprinkle around some early 21st century multiculti feel-good vibes, "Pearl Harbor" takes great pains to humanize the Japanese. They had good reason to sneak up and drop tons of ammo on a bunch of sleeping soldiers -- who knew? In the movie's vision, the commander in chief of the Imperial Japanese Navy, Adm. Isoroku Yamamoto (martial arts master Mako), hesitates before he tells his troops that they will "annihilate the Pacific Fleet in a single attack," glancing away from them to take in the happy sight of a group of children flying kites in the sun. Later, praised by one of his underlings for his glittering strategy, he remarks gravely, "A brilliant man would find a way not to fight a war." But hey, in Bay's world, war, like shit, happens -- no biggie.

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