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TV Diary -- "Boot Camp"
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Let's call the whole thing off
You say Moretty, we say Moretti! Plus: the case of the pilfered mint

Editor's note: Computer problems delayed the posting of our weekly "Boot Camp" update. Our apologies to readers.

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May 11, 2001 | Sir, we're confused, sir!

There are four "Boot Camp" contestants left, sir!

And they all seemed to be named Moretti! Or Moretty!

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It's the final four. We have cute-as-a-button Moretty-with-a-y and the deceptively dogged Whitlow in the girl barracks, the anal Wolf and humorless Moretti-with-an-i in the boys'.


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The game is slightly more complicated now. The women and Moretti ganged up last week on Jackson, a male recruit, who took Brown, a female recruit, along with him.

Wolf voted for Moretti-with-an-i -- his male compatriot. It was a cold violation of the show's gender wars.

This week, when the group chooses a squad leader, the stakes are high. If the group accomplishes its mission, the squad leader gets immunity. And since this is "Boot Camp's" penultimate week, that would automatically put the leader into the final two -- what the show calls "the gauntlet."

Seen another way, if the rest of the squad helps the leader pull off the mission and get immunity, it would automatically reduce their own chances of getting into the final two: To be precise, it would effectively lower them to one in three rather than one in two. So there's an impetus for the rest of the squad to throw the challenge.

On the other hand, if they do it blatantly, it could cost them.

Like we said, it's complicated, and the whole Moretty/Moretti thing just makes it worse.

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We open with an ominous night shot outside the barracks, which means that the D.I.s are on their way, and, indeed, a marching phalanx of drill instructors appears out of the dark: the sturdy, massive three guys -- D.I.'s Rosenbum, Francisco and psychopathic McSweeney -- and the relatively more demure D.I. Taylor, a woman.

The four slam into the barracks and start banging garbage cans around. Everyone staggers up, makes their beds, takes the sheets off their beds, get dressed and undressed at the whim of the screaming yelling D.I.s.

The diminutive Taylor leaps up on one cot and jumps up and down like an agitated troll.

This goes on for what seems like hours.

"It's time to test the limits a little bit," Francisco says.

It freaks everybody out. The boys meet in the bathroom to talk. "I can't breathe," Moretti says

The group tries to talk about what happened last week, but the implications of it all seems to have escaped them. They all agree that voting people off is a bummer.

Most importantly, Moretti-with-an-i doesn’t seem to realize that Wolf voted for him last week. The women aren't telling him, apparently out of some misplaced ethical stance.

Moretti says he feels bad he betrayed his buddy Jackson the previous week. "It's so much easier if everybody's honest," he says. Tell us about it.

Next the four are dragged into the mess hall. It's eerily empty. No more meals at the mess hall, they're told. They're each told to pick out take out three "MREs" -- the modern military rations, freeze-dried food in a bag. (The abbreviation stands for "meals ready to eat.")

Rosenbum shows one off for the camera: "They sometimes taste really bad, and sometimes taste really good, depending on long since you're eaten," he says.

They recruits think they're getting three a day -- turns out they're getting three until the next dismissal. (It's not clear, but it appears this is two days away.)

The four slink down to a pier and whine about the food situation.

"I need energy to sustain my muscle mass," says Wolf.

"I need water!" Moretti says.

Francisco unilaterally makes Whitlow squad leader. Everyone's talking about whether it might be smart to not make the challenge, so as to deny her immunity.

"No backstabbers!" the D.I. says

. Next page | As the worm turns!
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