The first half of the show is a recap of the very little that happened last week: the Sumo wrestling, George's homophobia, the dance contest, Josh and Brittany's flirtus interruptus, the paranoia, Jamie's wack decision to see a casting agent instead of her mother, banishment votes, and George's zany attempt to entertain the American people with costumes to save himself from banishment.

Then it's on to a new half hour, which centers mostly on the lame challenges "Big Brother" has to think up in order to keep this sagging drama watchable. They need something to lead into "Candid Camera."

The new episode starts off with a series of Red Room questions. With six guests up for the ax this week, who does each shut-in think voted for him or her?

Eddie figures Josh and Jamie. (He's half right.)

George guesses Brittany because they "don't click sometimes." He's forgotten that she said she would vote for him because he didn't get any votes the previous week. He's not sure about the others.

Brittany fingers Cassandra, which is right, and Josh, which is wrong. Then again, she thinks it could be George or Curtis. (The other one was George, giving payback.)

The Minneapolis moppet works in an appeal to the 1-900 jury as she talks in the Red Room. "I don't want to leave," she says. "I don't want to be banished. It's weird. I feel like this is my home now."

And home is ... the kind of place where you get roused from sleep with your fellow hamsters for a bracing round of morning square dancing. Cowboy hats and neckerchiefs are provided. Yee-haws! are added by the residents.

We're unable to watch the following event because of a certain incident in fourth grade involving square dancing, in which, besides being publicly humiliated, we were forced to touch girls. (Ewww.) Do-si-do's now give us immediate acne; we curl up into a little ball and wet ourselves when we hear the words "Virginia reel." Mrs. Dawson, if you're out there, know that you have permanently scarred our psyche and prevented us from ever enjoying what, most certainly, is a joyous American pastime.