Brittany's virginity, always nominal, never stopped her from expatiating violently about anything having to do with sex; it allowed her to play the roles both of the cool girl who'd done everything and the good girl who'd never done that. So we got discussions about that weird little grunting look guys get when they orgasm, and about the friend of hers who liked getting her toes licked, and all of the other not-that-shocking things she was always nattering on about.

Or aboat, as Brittany would say.

If we missed Brittany, which we don't, it would be because everyone else is so plain. It occurs to us that "Big Brother," a show with potential, has faltered because of an unfortunate number of major miscalculations on the part of CBS. Their cast members, instead of being engaging and likeable, have tended to be rebarbative and unpleasant, and neither of these qualities in an interesting way.

The show has never made clear that the point of it is to torment the residents. Absent that, a lot of the hoops the residents are made to jump through seem senseless.

And since 10 people sitting around a house doing nothing is not compelling, the producers have also had to come up with ever-more-banal "challenges," which even the pliable house hamsters have found beneath them.

And then there's Julie Chen.

But the biggest miscalculation is letting the outside world vote on the banishees. Whether it's the 99-cent calls or just the type of person who tends to watch the show, the audience, instead of bouncing the less interesting people, has inexplicably tossed out the show's most high-profile characters one by one.

Each of these -- Mega the creep, Jordan the schemer, Karen the fright and now frivolous Brittany -- have deserved their fates.

But it must be said that what's left is worse.

Let's go down to the Red Room, for example, where we've got Josh giving his perspective on the post Li'l Tufty situation:

"The change isn't going to be an eternal change, I think it's going to be a change in the sense that, we know that we've lost one of our stronger characters in the house and that makes us a tighter group in the sense that we know we have to stay together and we have to bond together to face the challenges we're going to meet, and her leaving made us realize that."

OK, Josh, go ahead back and play with the pug now.

"No one's ever going to fill the space that Brittany left. She's an individual on her own, definitely."

No, really. See you later.

Cassandra and Curtis talk things over in the backyard. Curtis is now coolly analysing his uncharacteristically emotional reaction to Brittany's departure: "I don't know why I would have reacted so strongly to her leaving. I don't know if it was the surprise, or that we were very close."

"You guys were really close," says Cassandra.

"Also, I was really worried about her," Curtis goes on.

"I know. I know. I understand that," Cassandra says.

They talk about strategizing to win the ordeal. "I haven't allowed myself to get competitive about it," says Curtis.

"I know," says Cassandra.

"[Winning] doesn't rely on skills or anything you can do," reflects Curtis.

"Umm-hmm. Umm-hmm," agrees Cassandra.

"It's just a big popularity contest," Curtis goes on. "Which, by the way, we can not at all gauge what makes someone popular or non-banishable, which are two different questions."

"Yeah. Exactly, exactly," says Cassandra.

Curtis is referring to Julie Chen's having told the group that Brittany was the most popular resident. They think it's odd that she was banished.

There are two possible explanations for this dichotomy. One is that a pathetically small number of people care about "Big Brother," and that as a consequence Rockford's pro-George call-in campaign had an effect.

The other is that Chen didn't make it clear to the house hamsters that the poll was a voluntary one, and on America Online to boot.

Taking a poll on America Online about anything is about as reliable as some of the ancient techniques for determining whether someone was a witch.

Now playing: Read all the recent movie reviews by Salon's critics