The teaser -- the minute or so of footage that runs before the opening credits -- is just that tonight. "Big Brother" opens with a fleeting shot of Jamie in a bikini. This is quickly trumped by Josh, who pulls his pants down to his thighs and does a few hops on the backyard trampoline.

Naked trampoline-jumping has been a joke in the house since the beginning weeks. CBS and Endemol Productions, which came up with the "Big Brother" idea, must be happy. We can hear the execs talking now -- "See, we told you! We knew it was going to get racy sooner or later!"

Much later, as it turns out. The residents' time left in the house can be measured in hours.

Finally, CBS can drag back out the blurry spot it used for Richard Hatch's ass in "Survivor," the good reality show.

We see the dance of the digitized dot over Josh's dewey nethers. This sequence is not repeated later in the show.

As we said, it's not a lick more exciting.

Endemol has resorted to brief hamster nudity, or partial hamster nudity, in an effort to pique our long-gone interest. We're amazed even they still care. Actually, we're amazed they're still here. Can they get a table anywhere in West Los Angeles, or are they doing a lot of lunches at Pink's hot dogs these days?

In the next scene, Eddie talks about how he lost his leg. Curtis asks a couple of unobtrusive questions; Josh and Jamie just sit in uncomfortable silence. Rightly sensing that the conversation that is going nowhere, Eddie ends it on a positive note: New Year's Eve was fun in the hospital, he says. He got to see the fireworks.

The others just sit there feeling guilty.

It took them 81 days to ask him about it. It's odd -- we noticed Eddie was missing a leg right away.

In the Red Room, Eddie says you don't appreciate what you have until its taken away from you. Now, when he sees a junkie or an alcoholic "pissing their life away," it drives him crazy. He doesn't say how he feels about sacrificing three months to the house of sloth, however.

Is this Endemol's idea of irony?

Next it's time for another plane. Yes, fans are still shelling out big dollars to fly banners over the house. We would be tempted to mock the fans, but if it weren't for the outside contact, we'd have a show about potatoes on our hands.

Wait -- we do have a show about potatoes on our hands.

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