Moron marriage
And speaking of the unbearable torture of remaining chained to the same human being for the balance of your days on Earth, I wonder if network television's romance with David E. Kelley will ever come to an end? First there was the very special yet zany small-town drama "Picket Fences," then "Ally McBeal," in which America's skeletal sweetheart soured over the course of five long seasons, then the self-righteous preening of "The Practice," which devolved into the foolish diversions and endless Denny Craniotomy of "Boston Legal," and that's not to mention the self-righteous preening and foolish diversions of "Boston Public."
Not that I haven't enjoyed my fair share of these shows (although I found "Boston Public" totally unwatchable). And compared with a few other truly awful dramas added to the midseason lineup, Kelley's latest, "The Wedding Bells" (9 p.m. Fridays on Fox), is relatively amusing. We start with three sisters, the Bells (get it?), who've inherited their parents' wedding hall but don't agree on how it should be run. Throw in a staff of kooky dysfunctional misfits, and you've got yet another madcap romp through love and marriage, well-worn clichés and flogged horses be damned!
But before we go any further, let's start with a tantalizing appetizer of on-the-nose dialogue for you to savor, plucked from a tense exchange between sisters Jane (Teri Polo) and Annie (KaDee Strickland):
Jane: You know, Annie, may I be honest? When Mom and Dad divorced and we came rushing back here to take over this place, it was because we couldn't stand to see it go under, I guess. But in the mad rush, some of us never got around to dealing with the devastation of that divorce.
Annie: I have no idea what you mean.
Jane: On some level, I think that you throw weddings, Annie, to preserve a certain facade that goes to our childhood, when we were happiest, when mom and dad were together. But you were hurt when they split. When you and David split, you also ... That's all I'm trying to say.
Annie: Fine.
Interestingly enough, in the original version of the pilot that I got in the mail, instead of trailing off, Jane says, "Since you and David split you have kind of retreated into a cocoon of sorts, Annie, and I miss you. I ... Don't be afraid to feel, Annie." Luckily, I double-checked the quote with the edited version that aired. Nice cut, guys! I almost thought I was watching "Brothers & Sisters" for a second there. To be fair, though, if this were "Brothers & Sisters," Annie would never have just said "Fine," she would have said, "I miss you too, Jane, and you're right ... I guess since Mom and Dad got divorced I ... I ... I've just been hiding from myself." By saying something as self-protective as "Fine," Annie ensures that she and her sister act like actual siblings instead of like psychoanalyzing, hankie-toting Teletubbies.
But then, unlike the writers of "Brothers & Sisters," Kelley has a little self-restraint (some of the time, anyway) and knows a thing or two about the importance of conflict in moving dramatic action forward. Think of how often the characters on "Ally McBeal" or "The Practice" or any of his other shows bicker and prod and crowd and irritate and enrage each other. Kelley has always been particularly great at fights between married couples, which is probably why scenes that involve Jane and her husband are some of the best the show has to offer.
It also makes sense that Kelley should take on such light, fluffy fare: His dramas always seem to shine when he steers clear of great big issues and fantastical, absurd digressions. With weddings and marriage front and center, the zaniness is built into the picture, as is the relationship talk and the spitty outbursts that Kelley has such a talent for. The pilot (which aired last Wednesday as a precursor to the show's usual Friday time slot) showcased some funny situations and clever exchanges, but the second episode was a little less dynamic. Still, as annoying as Kelley can be, I can't really think of a better writer to take on an even soapier, wedding-themed version of "Grey's Anatomy," which is about where this one lands, tonally.
Another plus: The female heroines of "The Wedding Bells" don't giggle and bite their lower lips nearly as much as you might imagine they would. Now all they have to do is whip out some army-green wife beaters and a few flasks of whiskey and I'm sold.
Next week: On ABC's "October Road," nostalgia drives really slowly and brakes for every cliché and stereotype in sight.
About the writer
Heather Havrilesky is Salon's TV critic. She also maintains the rabbit blog. You can find more of her columns in the I Like To Watch directory.
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